Hi All,

Yesterday was horrible, the sun was shining and the smell of sping was is the air and I just crumbled.  I wanted Sam to come home and we could go for a walk or just walk round the garden looking at the spring flowers like we always did.  The future looks so bleak without him I want to do the things we used to do together but just can't.  I can't bring my self to go out for a walk without him by my side, IT HURTS SO MUCH! 

Debbie

Hi ~Debbie

Some days are just awful aren't they. Having our hubby's by our side would mean so much but it's just not meant to be.  I can hear the hurt in your post and I know I have said it before but grieving seems to have so many aspects to it.  I am hoping that one day when you wake, whilst still thinking of Sam, there will be a feeling of peace even though you feel that's not possible just now.  For me personally I had to reach 'acceptance of hubby's passing before I found the inner courage to achieve things alone. You are still very raw and in the early months of loss.  I was still seeing my GP once a month at the stage you are now and able to talk through my feelings but timescales are just that.  If I could not face doing something on my own I asked a friend to come with me and when the time was right I took the next step. Wherever you are, Sam will be in your heart and nothing can take that away. Sending hugs. Jules x

Thanks Jules, I don't want to do that stuff with anyone else it just makes me sadder.  Just going to be one of those rubbish weeks,  already the car has an oil leak and the washing machine won't spin - all things Sam would have just sorted (feeling sorry for myself) thanks again.  Debbie xxxx

Aww Deban your having it rough just now. And all goes wrong when things are bad as it is right been there my self. I think the only way you will get past this phase is just to try and get on with life the way it was and trust me it's hard the first year generally is the worst but the years afterwards it does get easier. A lot of things around the house that have broke or needed renewed always were done by hubby and then when he died and it was just me I had to learn to do some of it like painting I can paint my walls though don't do it now I worry about falling as I get dizzy now at this old age. Just stay strong at the end of the day We don't  get over it but we slowly just learn to get on with life -Diane x

Yes that's how I felt when I had no washing machine and had to go an order a new one. Do not drive so used to rely on hubby for that too. Sometimes too many obstacles to overcome when we are feeling low and just have to hope the next small step will be a bit easier.  It's not a case of feeling sorry for yourself; you are missing your soulmate like hell and just wish it could all be as it was. Jules x

Hi Debby, you are not alone..I feel so lost and lonely, its so hard...my husband died 7 months ago...I have been away from home for six weeks...I dread being there without him...I am goimg "home" today and feel so anxious..how it will feel...will it be overwhelming....I am lucky I have friends around me...I dont like to be alone...everything is so painful...I wish I could feel safe at home and get on with it..but it hasnt worked out that way ..yet...take care

Thanks Moonandstars, sor sorry you lost your husband.

I am the other way round to you - I don't like being away from home for too long,that is where I feel closest to Sam, if I am away for too long I get anxious and need to get back to 'be with him' silly I know, I even put the Rugby on TV on saturday so that he could watch it how ridiculous is that! and yes it is lonely.  Hope everything goes ok when you get home, let us know how you get on.  Take care Debbie xxxxxx 

Hi Diane

Thanks for your reply, hope you are feeling ok, it was just one of those days yesterday Sam and I just loved springtime, watching all the changes in the Garden.  Take care Debbie xxxx

Thanks Chris G,

So glad I can come here and moan and know there is always some lovely person who will reply and know what I am going through.  Thanks for your advice

Debbiexxxxxx

Hi to you all....I understand everything that you've all said and that in a good way makes me feel normal...some days I feel anything but!!!! My lovely Debbie, I echo everything you say and do. I too put the rugby on at the weekend and gave a commentary throughout! I've also told him about the new wonder kid who's scoring all the goals for Man United....my boys just shake their heads, but i'm the one here on my own and I've decided if that's what gets me through the long lonely weekends, so be it. My gorgeous sis and two friends actually took me out to our local cinema on Monday afternoon....silver screen ( you have to be over 55yrs old seemingly to get your free cuppa/biscuits) to see Brooklyn....a beautiful film which we all cried through and I was totally lost in the story. I didn't think of my precious Kev at all and I came away feeling calm and alittle happier. For the last 7mths, I've thought about him every day and night, but that couple of hours of escapism actually made me feel normal again....just for a while. We all need to keep strong and be there for each other and hopefully there'll be more days when we can smile for a while. Sending my love and big hugs...x