Cancer Research UK main site

Lost my mum today

EmmyR
Offline

Today my mum died. She battled breast cancer and won and a few months after she got the all clear we were told she had liver cancer. That was in December last year and in March this year we were told 2 months. I was in such denial she was ill I was just so angry at her. She had good days and bad and was in hospital for weeks then out for weeks. She got called into hospital 3 weeks ago after a blood test found she had kidney failure. She had a stent and was being kept in to monitor the progress and if went well she'd get a permanent one. Last week, second week of her being in, she seemed to get worse. She collapsed in the toilet and was struggling to breath. Yesterday she went down for her stent and they couldn't do it cause she couldn't breath and they found a infection all around her kidneys and her right lung collapsed as the cancer had spread.

We were all called in yesterday and it was heart breaking. She was on a oxygen mask and just didn't know what was going on. Eventually they gave her so much painkiller she just laid there and her breathing was so bad. Today at lunchtime my family and I decided we should remove the oxygen mask as the consultant told her it was just prolonging her death. Within not even a minute of taking it off she died. 

Her face is in my head, her eyes were open just looking at me. I couldn't even cry, my whole family were breaking down and I just couldn't cry. At first I felt happy, I knew she wasn't in pain any more. After trying to say goodbye that's when I broke down. Her eyes just staring at me, her mouth open covered in blood and her just not moving. One never felt pain like loosing my mum. I've taken her phone and I just keep reading her messages, looking at her photos or just holding her clothes. I don't know what to do. She was everything to me. We spoke every day and I've seen her every day since she was in hospital and now she's just laying there alone. 

I miss her so much. I've lost my mum at 28 and my children have lost their nan. I just want to hold her or phone her. Just hear her voice. I miss her so much I don't know how I'll get over this

 

  • Offline
    Hi Emmy, I know this is quite an old post but I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear about your mum please accept my condolences.i hope you have been coping trying to get through such a difficult time. I can completely relate to you. I lost my mum in September 2016 and it has just been a year. She initially battled breast cancer whilst I was only 14 years old. going through an operation and lot of chemotherapies she was cleared with yearly checks however last year she started having back pains and the doctors have told us the cancer has now spread into spine and liver. She battled very strongly and not once it came to my mind we would loose her. Doctors have never told us it will come I to an end they kept saying they will try different treatment and it will all be ok. I kept being in such a denial going to appointments with her telling her it will all be fine. Few months into her treatment the doctors were saying it is not working but they will try something else. Still did not say to us that we should prepare for the worse. in the end she ended up with lot of fluid on her tummy due to the cancer being in her liver. They took her into hospital to get the fluid removed but she lost so much weight and didn't seem to be eating properly. However to me she kept telling me she is fine because she was always so brave and didn't want me to worry. She always smiled and didn't want to worry me. They ended up letting her go home after almost 3 weeks and the next day she started being sick vomitting blood. We rushed her back into hospital but few days later my dad called me in whilst I was at work to say I need to urgently go there. When I turned up she couldn't breath and couldn't talk anymore. I held her hand and she looked at me for the last time. She was suffering so much I could not bear to see her like that. Few hours later we lost our beloved mom and wife. Nothing can prepare you for something like this and to date I was not expecting this. I lost her when I was only 25 years old. I used to speak to her everyday and she was my rock and to suddenly not have her around and hear her voice is absolutely heartbreaking. It has been a year and I am constantly thinking about her bad missing her. I don't really know how to live a normal life anymore. I have been going through really tough time at work and college and I am unable to tell my mum about anything that is going in. She would always have an answer and give advice and she would always make me feel better no matter what. She was an amazing mum and amazing person. I just don't really know how things will ever get easier. My dad is also not coping very well and we are not very close anymore. He doesn't really speak to me and we can never talk about my mum to remember all memories as he is too upset. I feel like the longer it gets the worse it gets. People say it gets better with time but I honestly don't feel like it will.
  • Offline

    Hi Emma

    I totally understand your pain and am so sorry. I lost my mum just over a month ago and she was my world. I just don't know how to grieve. I just want to call or text her. It still feels like yesterday. The funeral and the time around it are a blurr. She called me her baby even though l am 44 only because l am the youngest of 3. She was the most special person l know. I still have no clue what l am doing and my dad is so lost and lonely. My sister is going through the same because she was our best friend and so young for her age. She died of lung cancer even though she never smoked. They treated her for 4 weeks and told her she was fine it was just scar tissue. It wasted months of my mums life she had left as she was comvinced she still had it. And she was right. She complained of a sore shoulder and kneck but they ignored her until its was to late. She went for blood tests and was admited to hospital due to high calcium. This is when we found out it had spread and she had a matter of weeks. I did not beileive it at 1st and wanted her out the hospital she was in. I got her moved to St Andrews hospice where she died on 10tg Aug. I am still grieving and don't know what to do. So l totallly understand and am here if you want to talk. 

    So sorry xx

  • Offline

    My mum died on tueday. She had a brain tumour and in the space of eight weeks had gone from someone who at eighty eight was so full of life, going for long walks with her beloved dog and tending her beautiful garden, to someone in a respite home who was deeply unhappy, unable to speak, read or write. All i could do was see her every day and hold her hand and tell her how much i loved her. She was so brave and was more worried sbout me and my brother than herself. On her last couple of days she seemed to give up and even the nurses remarked how sad she was. I visited her on the tuesday and she was very tired and for the first time she cried in front of me and pointed to the sky and said she'd had enough, she clutched my hand so tightly and said to look after her dog and i promised to return tomorrow. Two hours later she died. We are absolutely heartbroken. I keep thinking back to how sad she was and break up in tears. Losing my lovely Mum was my biggest fear and now it has happened.

  • in reply to Mark114

    Hello Mark and welcome to Cancer Chat although I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

    Our sincere condolences from everyone here at Cancer Chat.

    Best wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.