Coping with husbands death

My husband passed away 5 weeks ago with advanced colon cancer, he battled it for 4 years, spreading from one place to another, several operations, chemo, radiotherapy and several clinical trials all of which failed, he also wouldn't tell anyone how bad it was, it was a very difficult and traumatic time as he wouldn't even accept help from Macmillan till the last month of his life, and I must say they were incredible, it was a very tough journey for us both especially as he wanted everything kept as normal as possible and he worked till September last year and me till 3 weeks before he passed, the hardest thing of all for me was that he changed, and was very confused in the last month turning very aggressive in the last few days, nobody knew what to do even the doctors, they were even considering sectioning him and putting him in a mental institution, I refused point blank because I knew it was the cancer, nobody could give me any reassurance, I don't think they had seen it before, eventually they managed to give him sedation and then admitted him to the local hospice where he stayed sadated until he passed away 2 days later..all I can think about is the last few days and can't remember any happy times, I'm becoming very depressed, the nurses at the hospice said that what had happened tod  to him is that he was fighting death and the way it came out was called terminal aggitation

Parents
  • Hey, although I'm very new to this and only lost my partner 3 weeks ago I just wanted to tell you that the change in personality is completely normal towards end of life and just as the nurses said he was fighting it and became agitated.  My partner did exactly the same thing.  It was awful to see because it's no longer the person you knew.  Please know though it's completely normal.  The nurses had prepared me for this so I expected it although that doesn't make it easier.  I've got pictures of my partner all over the house and they remind me of happy memories rather then the last couple of weeks.  Everyone deals with it differently. Watching my partner take his last breaths was very traumatic ( he chose to be at home rather then a hospice where I could care for him). He also had to be sedated.  You've got to try not to relive those last few weeks and focus on good memories. My partners friends and family are always talking to me about lovely memories of him which helps me to forget the last few days.  Just remember that wasn't him it was the cancer. 

    Xx

     

     

Reply
  • Hey, although I'm very new to this and only lost my partner 3 weeks ago I just wanted to tell you that the change in personality is completely normal towards end of life and just as the nurses said he was fighting it and became agitated.  My partner did exactly the same thing.  It was awful to see because it's no longer the person you knew.  Please know though it's completely normal.  The nurses had prepared me for this so I expected it although that doesn't make it easier.  I've got pictures of my partner all over the house and they remind me of happy memories rather then the last couple of weeks.  Everyone deals with it differently. Watching my partner take his last breaths was very traumatic ( he chose to be at home rather then a hospice where I could care for him). He also had to be sedated.  You've got to try not to relive those last few weeks and focus on good memories. My partners friends and family are always talking to me about lovely memories of him which helps me to forget the last few days.  Just remember that wasn't him it was the cancer. 

    Xx

     

     

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