Hi Nutkin

Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and let you know that  your post is  being read.  You are in the very early weeks of grieving for your husband and having witnessed  the changes that the cancer caused in him must have been so very hard. (my husband's cancer journey ended nine months ago after almost three years of palliative care).   The  nurses have managed to explain the reason behind his change of personality but nothing can have prepared you for it at the time and I am sure it will take a while to be able to draw on happier memories.  They are held in your heart, as is his memory,  and when the trauma of his passing begins to heal I hope you will dip into those good times to take you forward.  I have a very special photo, actually taken in the early days of my husband's diagnosis when we looked so happy and carry it with me.

  It will do not harm to pop along to your GP and ask for support/help and some find counselling useful too.  I hope others on the forum will come along to say hello but in the meantime send a virtual hug. Take care  Jules54 

Hey, although I'm very new to this and only lost my partner 3 weeks ago I just wanted to tell you that the change in personality is completely normal towards end of life and just as the nurses said he was fighting it and became agitated.  My partner did exactly the same thing.  It was awful to see because it's no longer the person you knew.  Please know though it's completely normal.  The nurses had prepared me for this so I expected it although that doesn't make it easier.  I've got pictures of my partner all over the house and they remind me of happy memories rather then the last couple of weeks.  Everyone deals with it differently. Watching my partner take his last breaths was very traumatic ( he chose to be at home rather then a hospice where I could care for him). He also had to be sedated.  You've got to try not to relive those last few weeks and focus on good memories. My partners friends and family are always talking to me about lovely memories of him which helps me to forget the last few days.  Just remember that wasn't him it was the cancer. 

Xx

Hi, i thought i would share something in relation to end-of-life from my experience with loosing my brother, and what significant changes in his personality i saw at the Hospice.  This may help you, it may not, I hope it does.  My brother had a very progressive form of cancer, and once admitted to the Hospice things rapidly progressed.     I stayed with him for his last 2 days, it was both beautiful ( to be with him ) and horrific too.

What you described about your husband becomming aggresive,their are different schools of thoguht on why, perhaps a part of his brain had switched off already, maybe he was not aware of what he was doing.  My brother for example, would be laying in the bed one minute, then quickly shoot up, out of bed, eyes closed, non - responsive, didnt hear us, or couldnt respond.  He would try to head for toilet - ( i have no idea why ) or what this was, various professors / drs have various and differing opinions on this.  To have peace , i came to the conclusion that he had 'gone' already. His personality had switched off, and wherever we go, he was on his way.  I still have to write on this site and explain what happened which i think i will now do, as writing this has brought up a lot of feelings..i hope things get easier for you, ( althogh it may be like waves ) those emotional waves come. which are still very much coming for me. take care of yourself Jeff