Coping with husbands death

My husband passed away 5 weeks ago with advanced colon cancer, he battled it for 4 years, spreading from one place to another, several operations, chemo, radiotherapy and several clinical trials all of which failed, he also wouldn't tell anyone how bad it was, it was a very difficult and traumatic time as he wouldn't even accept help from Macmillan till the last month of his life, and I must say they were incredible, it was a very tough journey for us both especially as he wanted everything kept as normal as possible and he worked till September last year and me till 3 weeks before he passed, the hardest thing of all for me was that he changed, and was very confused in the last month turning very aggressive in the last few days, nobody knew what to do even the doctors, they were even considering sectioning him and putting him in a mental institution, I refused point blank because I knew it was the cancer, nobody could give me any reassurance, I don't think they had seen it before, eventually they managed to give him sedation and then admitted him to the local hospice where he stayed sadated until he passed away 2 days later..all I can think about is the last few days and can't remember any happy times, I'm becoming very depressed, the nurses at the hospice said that what had happened tod  to him is that he was fighting death and the way it came out was called terminal aggitation

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  • Hi Nutkin

    Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and let you know that  your post is  being read.  You are in the very early weeks of grieving for your husband and having witnessed  the changes that the cancer caused in him must have been so very hard. (my husband's cancer journey ended nine months ago after almost three years of palliative care).   The  nurses have managed to explain the reason behind his change of personality but nothing can have prepared you for it at the time and I am sure it will take a while to be able to draw on happier memories.  They are held in your heart, as is his memory,  and when the trauma of his passing begins to heal I hope you will dip into those good times to take you forward.  I have a very special photo, actually taken in the early days of my husband's diagnosis when we looked so happy and carry it with me.

      It will do not harm to pop along to your GP and ask for support/help and some find counselling useful too.  I hope others on the forum will come along to say hello but in the meantime send a virtual hug. Take care  Jules54 

Reply
  • Hi Nutkin

    Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and let you know that  your post is  being read.  You are in the very early weeks of grieving for your husband and having witnessed  the changes that the cancer caused in him must have been so very hard. (my husband's cancer journey ended nine months ago after almost three years of palliative care).   The  nurses have managed to explain the reason behind his change of personality but nothing can have prepared you for it at the time and I am sure it will take a while to be able to draw on happier memories.  They are held in your heart, as is his memory,  and when the trauma of his passing begins to heal I hope you will dip into those good times to take you forward.  I have a very special photo, actually taken in the early days of my husband's diagnosis when we looked so happy and carry it with me.

      It will do not harm to pop along to your GP and ask for support/help and some find counselling useful too.  I hope others on the forum will come along to say hello but in the meantime send a virtual hug. Take care  Jules54 

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