Hi Amy.  There's nothing wrong with you and if there is, then there is something wrong with me too!  My lovely Dad passed away in 2010 as I held his hand and laid my head on the pillow beside him and talked gently.  It was heartwrenching but I can honestly say that I have never shed a tear about it, not at his funeral or at any time. I find it bizarre as we were close and I loved him dearly. I am not a person who cries loads but I certainly have my moments.

Passing all these "firsts" will be hard for you this year, but try not to put too much emphasis on set dates.  You may actually be having a good day on a specific date and then BANG - an ordinary day comes around - and you feel awful for no apparent reason.

Please keep posting and let us support you.  Take good care x

hi amy so sorry i know how you feel i lost my mother to ovarian cancer last december she only lasted three weeks in hospital before she passed, my mum was in remmision from breast cancer from 2011, it seems you battle to get over one cancer before another one strikes, or it comes back, the worse thing with ovarian cancer it is a silent disease and you do not get any symptoms untill it reaches a advanced stage where the treatment they can do is only to prolong your life for a bit, it was too late for my mum because it had already spread throughout her body and they was nothing they could do, seven months on i am still finding it hard although my three sisters are coping with it better then i am as they know she is no longer in pain anymore, i think it will take time to get over our loved ones that they have now passed but i hope we get there and think they are watching down from heaven at us telling to get on with our lives and think of the good memories, take care oggi

Hi Amy ... I lost my Dad last week - he was only diagnosed 4 weeks ago. I cried so much in the time he spent in pain in hospital (not in front of him), I didn't want him to see me upset and remained strong for him and the rest of my family. I cried on the day he passed but I haven't cried since yet I was so close to my Dad ?? I don't get it and feel that people are questioning why I'm being so strong ? I know dad would never have wanted me upset but I feel the same as you - I do keep my feelings deep within me but surely I should be reacting differently ? I guess there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss - I'm confused by it all to be honest. I'm sure what you are feeling is perfectly normal for you too xx

Dis,

So sorry to hear about you losing your Dad.

You are absolutely right - everyone reacts differently to bereavement and quite often in surprising ways. People who are normally quite stoic dissolve into tears and normally dramatic types become stoic.

There is no right way or wrong way to react and no fixed times to go through the different stages of grief. 

In my case I was very stoic when my Mum died of cancer and I cried when I had my dog put down. I have no idea why I reacted in the opposite way to how I would have expected to, though I guess our minds only allow enough emotion to seep through as we can cope with at the time as a way to keep us sane.

Best wishes
Dave