Hi Trev, Everything is still very raw for you. I am doing ok. If I get down can "feel" someone with big feet giving me a kick up the behind and telling me to get on with it. The grandkids give me great motivation and that is good. Leave the sorting out till whenever.... No rush. Just look after yourself, that's what she would have wanted. Take care my friend, Kathy x
Please do not be too hard on yourself or expect too much too soon. As Kathy has said most things can wait until you feel ready to approach them. There is no urgency and grieving takes the time it takes. One minute I will be doing okay and then something will knock me back and I feel vulnerable again. I have accepted this as normal and try not to overthink my feelings, just go with them and my family and friends (virtual ones included) continue to give support when required. it is not unheard of for me to turn up at work needing a hug and have come to the conclusion that my face gives me away. Like you the grandchildren bring great rewards and time with them and my own kids of course is always preciious.
Still struggling at times still feeling very alone even when I'm with friends and family how ever much I try I can't believe she's not seating next to me . It's only been 10 weeks but it feels like for ever my emotions are all over the place . I don't work retired early to look after sue so trying to stay busy my grandkids are all under six so they are a bit of a handful they really miss their nan as well . Milo our cross poodle still sit's at the door waiting for her it's breaks my heart to see his sad little face . Sorry to waffle on having a bad day .hope you still doing okay trev x
Rest assured my waffling usually lasts a lot longer. Its a hard road that we are travelling down for sure and animals also show their own emotions. I do not have any pets but whilst hubby was ill two of our neighbours' cats used to come and visit regularly and they still pop in though not as often.They wander around, look at me sitting where he used to sit (best view of the garden) and you can almost hear their brains whirring and wondering as to where he is.
Five and a half months have gone by (some of it in a bit of a haze I feel) and I am still having my moments of utter sadness.Its hard to explain but there are days when I can feel alone and then others where I feel lonely (I think there is a difference!) even if in the company of family and friends. I am truly blessed and my two children are close by and the grandchildren, 6 and 20 months, bring me so much pleasure (tinged with the inner sadness of what hubby is missing). I am lucky to work just over 15 hrs a week and that gives me focus. I think if I didn't have this routine I would have found it much harder to cope but thats just me I guess.
I am still being seen by the GP (there today in fact) who looked after hubby (we were both under the same practice but I had never seen this doctor until she cared for him). She told me that she felt it important to follow through with the 'other halves'/widows and its good to talk feelings through and be told they are part of the grieving process. I am back to socialising with close friends and every 'first' still brings on the emotional thoughts and less often now, the tears.
On Sunday my daughter and grandson did the Race for Life and I went with them as usual to support them (her 9th time and his 1st) as we had always done. Was in bits when they crossed the finishing line and even typing this is causing emotion. Was so proud of them both. My grandson has found it difficult to take it all in but is being helped both by us all talking openly about Grandad and also the school he attends have been very supportive. It is still very much a case of supporting each other through the down times but we are all moving forward slowly and know that wherever and whatever we are doing, hubby/Dad/Grandad is held within our hearts as we manage this different journey.
Sending you hugs; I and the lovely people of this forum do understand and are happy to listen. Jules x
