Paul L

Hi There, this is my first time on the chat line, just want to here from anyone in my position. My darling wife Dawn sadly passed away 19 June 2012, and it is still so very hard to understand or believe why, I am going round in circles, not wanting to go out but feeling upset if people don't ask me out (brothers and sisters), but then feel guilty when i do out, upset because things just carrying on the same way, I try to keep myself busy, walk our dog for hours, have a part time job, volunteer for our local hospice and ssafa, but the evenings a nightmare, how are you all coping.

  • Hi Paul, no dramas,
    Dice just gone out to bark, must be a reason. All good is back in now on bed with cat.
    Still pretty warm here, phew.
    I don't think your Sheba means to be naughty but she is only young, a puppy.  I have every confidence you and she will work together for the best result.
     Will only have the 2 grandkids at their place on my own, too hard down here with pets to manage too.  Up there I can manage ok as their pets not allowed inside.
    So good your Aussie family is doing ok.  Charlie is young to have a kidney issue, please nag her to drink more water.
      Off to bed soon, have an extension running through the room so will need to negotiate and move before I trip over and break something.
    Just an aside comment as I feel I can share with you.  Ring finger getting slimmer and rings in danger of slipping off. Will need to do some exercises to plump up fingers eek
    Anyway, need to head to bed soon ,
    Take care Paul
    Kathy
     

  • Hi Kathy,

    Yes Sheba and i are good, she has a good run and smells out something interesting, so she explores, dont mind but Joh, our dog trainer did say that the recall is the most importand command there is and for many good reasons so it is something i need to get right, its me being a wus, but we have been down the park, where there are smell and othe dogs and she has been really good, (on the 10 metre lead) she has her times but dont we all, she will be great im sure its me that has to get it right, and well done dice its good she informs you of of something happening close by, Sheba is good at that, she always has a bark if a car pulls up outside or next door comes home.

    I did have a simular problem with my ring finger, i actually lost a stone and half, then having a shower my Dads ring (right hand) and then Dawns ring (well its mine, Dawns is round my neck) but you know what i mean, actaully fell off, so that was my warning to stop being a plonker, i have put half a stone back on and thats done the trick.

     I will give Caroline a big hint on the drinking water, but Charlie is a gym bunny so i only presume she drinks lots, but it is still worth a hint, thank you for than i wouldnt have thought of saying anything, but thank you again for your concern.

    Got George all day tomorrow so planning to go up to the Peak district, with Sheba as well, should be a good day, going to try baking scones soon to take with us, im not doing to bad to say i have never baked before, Dawn was the baker i was the eater. Taking a few nibbles as well, and treats for Sheba, silly not to get some traing in while we are there.

    Hope you are having a great time with your two little ones, Im always exhausted after having Gearge, but you seem to thinking of them 100% of the time dont you, but hes OK soon tell me if Im doing something i shouldnt, makes me laugh, and I always have a few tales to tell his dad, when he comes to pick him up, i do worry him sometimes (George) as Mark asks if he has been a good boy, I reply NO, the look on his face, then i say he has not been good, he has been Brilliant boy, and then the smiles come back to his face, but he has me sorted now so he has a good idea what im going to say,

    OK its scones time, so take great care of yourself, and thank you for these chats,

    Kind regards Paul x x oopps Sheba has just barked, think shes saying by for now. x  

     

     

  • Hi Paul, 
    Just a quickie as battery running low and its 1.20 am.  Great to hear from you and Sheba as always.  Thanks for mentioning scones now I feel hungry....don't dare tell me you have strawberry jam and cream too.  Grrr
    Went out for lunch tdy with my best friends sis in law as best friend sailing from Western Australia on a cruise boat.  Good on her.  Hubbys unexpected illness and passing has prompted a lot off mates to do things now not wait for retirement.
    Rest of day has been spent pottering around the garden.  There is so much to do but I will get there.  I think we have seen the last of the hot weather boo hoo. Temps forecast to drop to 23 as the high.  Still pleasant but no longer shorts and singlet weather for me.  Will get the flannelette shirts out ready for winter.
    Pets on bed waiting for me.  My CD player not working now, Son has hubbys old one in his shed that he's not using so will ask for that one back.  Might take some recycling down over the Easter break.  We get 10c back on bottles and cans here and no recycling done since last Oct so it's piling up.  Funds received will go into grandkids bank accts.
    Ok Paul, will email you in the morning, know if I don't head off to bed soon will just stay up and keep going and that wouldn't be healthy.
    All the best
    Kathy xx
     

  • Hi Kathy,

    You are a bit of a night owl, but although I'm usually in bed by ten, I'm usually awake between midnight and one in the morning, awake for a few hours then back to sleep, I have tried everything, but just can't and don't get a full nights sleep, its been like that since Dawns passing, but some do say i must be getting enough sleep, but it would br nice to get a full nights sleep.

    Sorry about the scones they where pretty good especially with the Jam and cream, ooopps sorry.

    George Sheba and I have had a full day near Ashbourne on the Tissington trail, It was harder than I thought, could'nt give either one my full attention, so poor Sheba did'nt fare to well, going to make it up to her very soon with a bit of training and lots of treats. But saying that it was a really good day out, I feel shattered, may be I may sleep tonight, would'nt bet on it though. Can't complain about the weather, its been a good day here, even had chance to hang out some washing (first time this year), but its raining all day tomorrow, Boo Hoo.

    You have mentioned to me on a few occasions about making the most of each day, I do understand and I feel a little like your friends about life, thats why I want to buy a caravan to get out and about see lots of places, it may help me to get a prospective on life. But Kathy I do feel so guilty and disrespectfull towards Dawn, the one thing I intend to do though, is to take Dawns Ashes with me, hoping that will ease the guilt, it is so hard isnt it, just can't seem to get it straight in my head, but I won't know till i try then we shall have to see how it goes.

    Deep down inside you are suffering like me arn't you, but how do you adapt yourself, you have explained to me about looking forward, having our loved ones in our thoughts and heart, being posative as our loved ones would want us to, but why cant I be positive. Sorry Kathy, I feel I'm off on one of my self pitty moans again, Whats wrong with me!!!!!. Better stop there.

    I never want to hurt your feelings, I have too much respect of you for that but i do go on sometimes and my English/Grammar isn't that good, so please let me know if i go over the top, really sorry. Got to get my head straight. Step by step.

    Take great care Kathy, sorry if i cause upset, truely.

    Paul x x 

     

       

     

     

  • Hi Paul,
    All good here, autumn happening brr.  Started off the day with t shirt and jumper, moved to t shirt and eventually to tank top then same in reverse, even had a scarf around neck this am and it was 16 degrees.  Guess I have become a greenhouse girl now.  I require the heat, maybe correct terminology is I enjoy the warmer weather.
    Blooming dog ate his tea but left the 2 fish oil capsules, don't worry, guess what he's having with brekkie.?? yup you guessed it.
    Sorry I am not able to give you any suggestions for a better nights sleep, you will have tried all the usual ones, Horlicks, cocoa, maybe video tape /audio tape politicians talking that would do it for me.  Lavender oil sprinkled on pillow may help???
    I don't have any problem getting to sleep but do wake up early, probably only need 5 hrs hence my late nights.
    You are getting as naughty as Brian, woodworm, at teasing me with food.  Brian posts under Inspiration tab and has such wonderful thoughts to share when he's not teasing me about cheesy delights ... Grrr.
    I do understand your feelings re the future Paul.  I think it's a great idea to travel and take Dawns ashes with you.  I took hubby away at Christmas to the kids place and he also came to the wedding, so I know where you are coming from.
    Today was a particularly bleak day for me, started off walking dog, this time last year hubby would have been doing it as I would have been  getting all curtains down to wash and we would have washed all windows and re hung curtains on clean windows throughout the house.  I only walked dog when hubby was working away as Dice was his dog.  Now he is my boy and my protector.
    Needless to say curtains and windows remain unwashed.
    They can wait.
    Please don't apologise for stating how you feel Paul, better to let it out than have it festering inside.  Holding it inside I don't think is healthy,  but hey I still believe in the tooth fairy.
    Every morning when I sit outside with my coffee I have to remind myself he's not just working away he will never be coming home.  It's not even six months but it's such a hard realisation.  But I have to look forward, I have to think positive and enjoy what I have or he would kick my *** for not living each day and enjoying the grandkids and the lorikeets, the ducks next door on the wetlands and he had a blooming big foot,!!!
    He asked me to keep his name and not revert to my maiden name (why would I want to?)
    He gave me his blessing to find someone new ( why would I want to?)
    He gave me permission to sell up and move nearer to the kids (once again I couldn't do it)
    I am so fortunate to have known him, as you were with your Dawn.  We are so much better people for having known and loved them.  They have moulded us from what we we were as teenagers/
    early  20's? into whom we are today.
    It's so cold here - yes thought that would promote a laugh 18 in kitchen, where's that scarf??  Might hibernate in the bedroom for winter,   Not all winter just many hours during the day.  Why heat the whole house if I can stay in one room?  That's the scot in me talking.
    Have one jumper on,may need another one on.  This is not funny, see what a cranky person I will be come winter.
    Hey Paul what's the feeling over there re Richard 3rd?  Saw some info on the news.
    Ok Paul, think I have bent your ear enough tonight.
    Thanks for listening,
    Take care,big hugs to Sheba
    Kathy xx




     

  • Hi Kathy, 

    Thank you for such an understanding reply, sorry for draining my sorrow over you, but you did mention the "moulding us together from teenages" made me think alot, Dawn and i where married May 1970, I was only just 19 and Dawn only turned 18, alot of poeple said it would never last, we both got feb up with hearing it, and that was one of the reasons we moved from Derby to Plymouth as i joined the Royal Navy to get away from all the negativity, i was away alot as you can imagine, Dawn looked after our three boys dicipline, schooling, and so on, she took care of the finances, keeping the house clean and painting throughout as and when required, all i did when i get home was to carry out maintenance on the car and take the boys out for a game of football, cricket, ect. It pains me to admit this but i got alot of things wrong, parenting and even the husband bit, but Dawn would sit with me and talk to me about my actions, ie, if i was a bit to much on the discipline side toward the kids, and having a bit too much to drink onboard, as i met up with friends ect, anyway the point is, Dawn always said i was trying too hard or being over protective, i could see where she was coming from, and 9 times out of 10 she was right, even the exams i took as i progressed through the ranks, it was Dawn who sat me down and helped me revise so there was no chance of me failing, and as proud as i was of winning many awards for top marks, it was Dawn that should have got the award not me. Dawn guided me through lifes ups and downs, i moulded myself on her, and i think thats why im in such a mess.

    But again you where so right in what you said about the future, Dawn would be giving me such an hard time "look at what has happened" "now live a life before you get caught out too", but in a nice way if you know what i mean. 

    Sorry if my 'feeling sorry for myself' brought on the bleak day you had, your hubby was one hell of a man. Dawn loved a cup of tea in a morning" it was so nice to sit and sip our tea, I am always thinking  "Dawn and i walked here" "Dawn and i loved it there" sometimes its nice, other times it hurts, But is that a good thing, it means their memory is still very very stong.

    I have wrote many times in cards and rememberance books that it was a privilege to have been Dawns husband and we had so many happy years together, i am so proud to have been part of her life.

    Well once again im going on and on. sorry.

    Sheba is coming on at training in the park on her long lead, but yesterday Nicola DIL popped in with the kids to feed sheba and let her out for a wee, (as i had a long day at wrk) and sheba lunged at Henry, she didnt touch him thankfully, but when Nicola shouted NO at her she wet herself, (really feel sorry for her but hat is not on) really worried me, Nicola thought she may have been jealous, so we shall have to work on that socializing bit. 

    Richard the 3rd, well, according to all acounts he was abit of a sod, a real nasty peice of work, but died in battle, (sorry forgot what battle) and laid their with his men, untill know, There was a bit of a battle with the church and Relatives on where he was to be buried, York or Leicester but the court ruling was he would be buried in Leicester cathedral, there was a massive turn out and he was given an amazing send off, 

     Thank you for your kindness Kathy you are a real positive help to me,  

     Kind regards Paul x

     

  • Good morning Paul from a chilly Adelaide, but it could always be worse.
    How are you going?
    We had a little rain overnight and storms forecast for later on.  I will need to grab the opportunity to get out and do some weeding in between showers and get the dog walk done this am also.  The sun is shining though and the birds chittering away.  The daily weeding is a bit of a goal for me to do a minimum of 1 hour.  Crazy though it sounds it makes me feel productive.
    Sorry to hear Sheba lunged at Henry but good no contact was made.  She is young and can be taught/trained accordingly.  Much though I love Dice I wouldn't leave the kidlets alone with him.
    I am sitting at the kitchen table with radio on and "dancing" while sitting in my chair when a particular boppy song comes on.
    The locality has been very quiet with a lot of folk away for the Easter break.  Yesterday I returned my overdue library books and noticed a car "following" me.  As the car park was deserted I chose not to pull in at the drop off spot as could have been blocked in, so stopped in an area to watch the other car do a books drop off.  All was well, a kid jumped out  and placed the books in a return hatch while an adult remained in the car.  It might sound a bit paranoid but I am so much more conscious of my safety when out alone nowadays without hubby my protector.  Might take the dog in future but it's only due to the holidays that the area is deserted.
    I only managed to read 2 books in 2 months, quite a change from when I would go through 10 in a week.  There's too many jobs to do around the place, but I am sure I will get back into the reading mode eventually.  I will go to the library in the following week to get the ones I didn't get to read back out if they are available.
    I have mentioned to Jules on here I must get a map of England so I can see where everyone it talking about and stick it on the wall.  That can go on my to-do list too.
    I have chance to visit the kids on Friday evening with a mate doing the driving.  It's one of those Get togethers with a demonstrator hoping you purchase the goods.  Not sure if I will go as means leaving dog out the back for a few hours.  Couldn't leave him in as with someone else driving don't know what time I would be back.  It would be nice to see the family but I've got to think of the lad.  It's 1.5 hrs each way and if we stayed 3 hrs would mean I would be away 5 hrs.
    Well Paul must sign off and get this lad out for wander
    Take care
    Kathy x
     

  •  

    Hi Kathy,

    Sorry it seems to be getting a lttle chilly in Adelaide, but believe it or not its been a cracking day here, Temperatures went up to 17 deg C today, so Sheba and I made the most of it, the roads would have been a bit busy as its bank holiday Monday, so we walked along the canal towpath, for about 6 or 7 miles, we left at 9.30am and got back at 11.30, poor shaba was shattered and so was I, but the sun shone and it brought out all the families on their bikes and lots of walkers most with dogs, i've never said good morning to so many poeple before it was really nice. (missed Dawn though) as alot where couples. So we got home had a cuppa then I cleaned the guttering, facia's,  window and doors, another cuppa the it was the cars turn to be washed, drank enough tea so I had a coffee this time, then out with Sheba again only for 3/4 hour this time.

    Yesterday, popped in to see Dawns sister as it was her Huddies birthday today, took a card for him. Aslo took Sheba with me as she had not seen her and we chattered about Little Henry and Sheba's lunge, she was saying because she is a rescue dog, you never know what they have been through, so not to chastise her, while i was there her hubbies brother popped in also delivering a card, he went up to offer his hand for Sheba to smell and the poor little girl wet herself, So Dawns sister Val said there was the proof of her being mistreated. Its not nice to see, so she must still be very scared, so will have a chat with our dog trainer and see what advise she has to offer.

    I did have a chat with Mark about Sheba's lunge, just to say sorry really when he said that apparently Henry had slipped off the chair and startled Sheba, so know it dos'nt sound so bad, but as you pointed out it will have to be a rule that shaba is never left alone with the little ones, the thing is i have left them alone when i nip to the loo, or get them a drink or biscuit, ect, so will havr to be more careful.

    Must have been a scary moment when you noticed the car following you, but you did the right thing, you wer'nt being parenoid you where being very sensible, well done you. 

    Well its time to get cleaned up and watch a bit of TV, early night as i have Treetops bus driving tomorrow, also have to arrange a visit for ssafa, another poor chap wants a home of his own instead of living with his son, probably just wants his independence.

    Take care of yourself Kathy, 

    Kind regards Paul x  

     

     

  • Hi Paul,
    Wow what a busy morning you had, but sounds great.  Isn't it wonderful how the better weather brings people outside and seems to make them more friendly.
    No gardening done today due to showers but at least two of my rain water tanks are full again .  Noticed one of my spring bulbs is up, mmm 5 months till spring but guess no one has told it.  The seasons do seem all out of whack these days.
    Poor Sheba, if she has been treated poorly in the past no wonder she can be nervy.  She is lucky to have a good home now.  When the littlies are with me I take dog to loo with me or put him outside for 5 mins to avoid leaving alone with them.  
    Had the pest control man out today for annual inspection and got the all clear -no termite activity which was good news.  White ants can do a lot of damage out here to timber.
    I had a mate around today and Dice was so excited to see her, he was doing laps of the house.  She has been away on holidays for a fortnight and swears never again to take grandkids with her (14 and 9), will get that from her in writing......  I made home made pizzas for lunch and ended up taking some to my neighbour afterwards to take in for her lunch tomorrow.
    It's after 4 am now so I really should head off to bed, will be up again in less than 4 hours, maybe I can have a nanno nap in the afternoon.   
    Will sign off for now,
    Kathy x

  • Hi Kathy,

    The sun always puts a smile on people's faces and puts everyone in a good mood, well almost every one (you know what these Brits are like) mind you if it stays sunny for a whole week there will be someone moaning it's too hot.

    Driving the bus yesterday for Treetops, but turned into a glum day as two of our pick ups cancelled, it's always a worry when they cancel, due to the confidentiallity, we are not told why they cancelled, so we do worry about them, hopefully we shall be picking them up next week.

    Today has been another fine day reaching 18 deg have been to the office and finished all the banking conformation and all the figures match up (saves me a good half an hour) then popped over to Dawns sisters niece to drop her birthday card off, then home and out with Sheba, she doesn't like the hot weather, poor girl is panting like hell, must take her water bottle in future. Back at home Sheba finds a nice cool spot while I get about a third of the garden weeded and tidied up, then more coffee. Popped in to see Ron and Sandra, good friends of Dawn and I, we used to go out for a meal together quite often, now it's just birthdays. Ron is nearly 80, they both creek when getting out of their chairs, but a down to earth couple, Sandra says what she means and means what she says, doesn't hole back when she want to say something, but we know where we stand with her, she's OK.

    So glad you got the all clear with those naughty pests, it's coming to that time now where our pest will come out in abundance, those flying ants seem to get worse as each year passes.

    Home made pizzas now that sounds like a challenge for me, must get it up on the Internet , got any tips for me, like where do I start.

    Was out with brothers and sisters last night, as Chris (brother from London) popped up for a couple of days, we had a drink in one of my dad's favourite pups, well in a couple actually, it was a nice night chatting about mum and dad most of the night, Carol and Chris have amazing memories, I can't remember half of what they where saying, told them I must start taping all those memories and get them down on paper(tablet).

    Not been back to long being out with Sheba so now she is relaxing I think it's time for me to get a good old soak.

    Look after yourself Kathy and thanks for our chats

    Kind regards Paul x x