Hi Kathy, just got over a bad couple of days, really down on the dumps, just couldn't seem to lift myself out if my gloom, but feeling better now. I really am so lucky to have Sheba, she does try to help, bless her, but last night she was a right wally, because it had been raining I didn't fancy walking over the fields, so walked along the canal bank, Sheba was running up and down, in front and behind me when suddenly, she thought I will give old misery guts something to laugh about, she jumped in the canal, soon turned around and got out, it must have been freezing, silly girl, but we got home, gave her a real rub down and soon we where cuddled up on the settee. I honestly think she does those things to cheer me up.

It sounds as though you have a wonderful family, it is going to be a magical time when you are all together, the excitement will keep you going while your family are with you, bet you sleep solid for days after they have gone home. It's going to be quite special for your son and in laws to have everyone together,. There will be some emotional times but you are a very strong lady and I know hubby will be there with you every single minute, I sincerely hope it is a magical day for you all.

I have two brothers and three sisters, we do try to get together every other month for a meal, but usually I back out, but I do feel (and its with your help, to be more positive) I must try a little harder to socialise a little more must meet up and stop feeling sorry for myself. The two elder sisters 67, 65, are very outgoing, the eldest is over in Australia now with her daughter, Brisbane , they have been over ther a month now so should be back end of this month, then my other sister and two brothers are younger, I'm 63, then it's 56, 54 and the baby being 45, sadly mum and dad have passed away, they both worked very hard, but dad was very strict, but then none of us where ever in trouble so it was a good thing, think those people at that time (born 1920's ish had a hard life), 

Sheba is fast asleep now after our walk, so I think it's time for something to eat then  watch England Ireland rugby. 

I rang up Thursday evening to see how George was, he was fine, but didn't want to go to bed, but then rang in the morning and he was back to his usual self, fighting with his little brother Henry over a toy, they have hundreds of toys but always want the same one. They never fight when granddad has got them, think mums too soft, but it won't help in the long term, but can't interfere.

 Really do appreciate our chats, it does help, but never want to burden you, I know you have lots to do in this up and coming week and will be fully engrossed in you family and the wedding, so please enjoy your family, we can hopefully catch up after that amazing wedding day and you have recovered from exhaustion, and that's a nice sort of exhaustion 

Take great care Kathy kind regards Paul x

Hi Paul,

I've been through similar, When my mum past away in 2009 I was in limbo so to speak. I kept on like normal and I didn't want to stop really because when you stop you start thinking and thinking and thinking some more. 

It will take time to come to terms with that happened, we all process things in different ways, different time scales and there is no right or wrong way.

There's no need to feel guilty about socialising with brothers and sisters, it's a double edge sword really of shall we ask or shall we not, how would he feel, reaction and so on. When you do go out and you feel guilty of doing so think to yourself 'I'm taking steps to feeling not guilty' which I think is what you want from what you have written.

I found that when I went to bed and I was trying to go to sleep it was difficult, I coped by basically letting it all out, I would cry I would put my headphones in and blast my music in an attempt to drown the thoughts out but in the end they will be there until we give our mind time to process what's happened.

You could write your thought's in a diary, call a friend (they really wouldn't mind because they're your friend and you would do the same for them) or talk to your family. 

I used to think like you that I was being too much for family, friends or others around me but people really don't mind.

Take Care x

Hi Paul,
Just typed you a huge email and lost it grrrr.
From memory, how amazing our pets are, so intuitive.  Did laugh at your tale of Sheba in the canal, guess she had frozen assets. 
I understand how hard it is to force yourself to go out, I do too but don't want to let my mates down so push myself to do so.
If you are ever feeling down, please Paul come on the site.  There will be someone on line who can offer empathy and support.  I honestly don't know where I would be without the love and support of this chat sites members.
Lady up the road,  my new friend saw me out the front chopping back a bush and came over.  She desperately needed to vent which was all good so came out the back where we chatted.  She lives with one of her children and it can't always be easy.  She has my phone number but as I am usually home she knows she can just arrive unannounced, there is nothing I can't postpone (especially housework)' always glad of an excuse to stop.  She stated I have come into her life at the right time.  Isn't that sweet.
I really should start wearing gardening gloves or I will going to the wedding with the hands of a navvy.
Plenty more chopping to do but little by little I will get there.
So excited at family's impending arrival, but also aware of a big deflation after the visit. But will face that then, not before.  This will be the last visit for mum and these 2 siblings as they are not getting any younger and its a long journey.
In the meantime I plan to pamper them, what joy.
Better sign off before I lose this message, that would really cheese me off.
Take care Paul, big hugs to you and Sheba, give her a pat from me if you don't mind.
Kathy x

Hi Kathy, isn't it terrible when you have writen two or three nice paragraphs and you loss them, i have done the same usually blame it on the ipad but deep down i know its me. All animals have this wonderful sence of being don't they they know when something is wrong and they do help if possible with cuddles and just being there when you need them, i am aware how good Sheba is for me and must reward her more.

It is wonderful how you are helping so many poeple, you are a good listener and assist with the perfect advice, well done Kathy be proud of yourself, told you, you had the gift. 

Its amazing the outlook you have on life, here is me stating you will need two days sleep to catch up when your family have returned home, and your look on that is i will give my family the best time ever and and will worry about myself later. You have a big heart Kathy , good on you.

Sheba and i are off out now as its Treetops later on today, i'm off to a meeting about the bus driving then taking a lady home from the bereavment centre, we are not told of their, circumstances, but obviously chat as we drive to their home. Hope the centre is helping her. Then tomorrow i'm off to see another retired soldier who has had cancer but got through it, fantastic to hear isn't it, this guy just want's help to get back to work, how amazing, so we shall have a chat on his options and get him on a course of his choosing and hopefully his life can begin once more, What a brilliant guy, i have lots of time for people like that, then Thursday it's little George, so keeping busy, and that help's so much as you know.

Sheba keeps giving me a nudge, thinks she want to go for a run.

Take great care Kathy, and once again thank you for being there for me, aprt from a little glitch here and there i am getting stonger, Thank you.

Kind regards Paul x

Hi there,

Thank you for your kind words, it is still tough even now, but i have had lots of advice from this forum, the Bereavment meetings i go to, and especially Kathy who has helped me so much, it is so nice to have people such as yourself take time out to help people like me, i'm the chap who is going to take a bit longer than most.

It still dosen't feel right, I know I will get there, because I have come along way already, I think I must learn to cope with my loss first then progress from there, It is hard to talk to family, it's not that i don't want to, I just feel they don't understand, they do change the subject quite often, so I switch off after that. When we go out together, there is always their other half there, It might sound selfish but that gets to me a little.

This is where i am getting the most help, form the people who have experienced the heartache, and suffered the loss, which no one can ever forsee, or even prepare for.

I do write in my diary every day, which i have only just started, it is helping I think, dont have many friends as Dawn and i had each other, we did go out alot but just enjoyed each other's company, Having spent twenty two years in the Royal Navy we where seperated for long periods at a time, so we where trying to catch up i surpose.

I have my liitle diamond, she is Sheba, a Siberian Husky cross, she is so good for me at this moment, makes me laugh and wants lots of cuddles, sometimes i dont think i know how luck i am.

thank you for your concern

Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul

having issues copying and pasting

will try and post this and see if it works

Hi Paul,

Great to hear from you and all your news.  You should be the one getting the pat on the back.  You probably don't realise what good you are doing with your volunteer work and I am very confident you bring a ray of sunshine to others.   Can imagine you being quite the gentle, compassionate man.

Enough of the mutual appreciation society ( I hear you chuckle) on to more important topics.... The garden haha.  Had a man come and whippersnipper bits today, oh my giddy aunt it looks so tidy.  Must get myself one of those toys down the track maybe a rechargeable one, then can take it to my girlfriends places and go bonkers in their gardens.  Maybe tell them it's a good workout and just supervise them.  Or even better do a keep fit video involving gardening then can charge folk to come and garden for me.  The mind boggles.
Discovered a lot of European wasps hanging around which is not good.  Dice only allowed out under supervision as he would snap at them as he does at flies, and could end up not too good.  I have rung the local council and they will send someone out tomorrow to look for wasps nest.  They really are a horrible insect and got stung by one a few months ago and the lump was there for a good week.  As my father would say it's far from your b*m you won't sit on it.

Also complained to council about white cedar tree on wetlands sending suckers out to the back garden and they can cause strife for pipes and plumbing.  (4 saplings at last count)  They will send someone out.  Normal treatment to remove is poison and due to pets I don't use poison. Mmm will be interesting.
Will get big sis to show me how to save notes so when I try and copy and paste don't lose the lot.
To be honest Paul don't know the last time I have been this excited.  On previous family visits I have been very happy but at the moment I am like a kid before Christmas
Cat has just come in for the night and it's so amazing ,kitchen table covered in paperwork and he manages to find a vacant spot to jump up on and meander to his feeding spot on the dresser.  He is like a  mini panther.  I visited a girlfriend tdy who has his siblings and they were all over me, but was conscious of not wanting claw marks over my shoulders as the marks can last awhile.  Love how they use your skin as brakes on way down.  Both pets are 11 now, hopefully will be able to enjoy their company for a few more years, they are both quite spoiled and much loved.
Dice sounds so ferocious when a stranger come to door to try and sell something, it's so funny, he's such a pussycat when he knows someone is invited in.  I am so lucky in so many ways.
Ok Paul will stop dribbling, hope today was good for you and Sheba, tomorrow is another day.
Look up rainbow lorikeets, we see them on our walks, they are so beautiful.
Take care,
Best wishes your mad Aussie pal
Kathy x
 

Hi Kathy, I do enjot my volunteering, but to be honest when i did start to volunteer I was doing it for myself, sounds selfish, but its true, i initially just wanted something to do, something to occupy my mind, but I was taken in by the feel good factor, really didnt know if i could do it, but now its a joy, so rewarding, definately makes you feel good, so it worked out well for me.

OK Kathy, please remember i'm a bloke, can't multitask, so you need to explain, what is whippersnippering, it sounds like a tidy-up-er-er, it is electrical got that, sorry for being a bit thick, as i said i'm a bloke, so HELP. But your idea is not so far fetched, try it out on your friends, at least you can relax while your are videoing your gardening is being made to look marvelous. please dont let your friends read that bit.

I am so sorry to hear the problems with the wasp, you must be so worried about getting stung and so worrying for Dice, our Shadow and Zak both German Shepheards used to catch and eat them, how they got away without being stung we shall never know (must send photos of Shadow and Zak) and the cedar tree what a pain hope your council sort it for you.

I can imagine how excited you must be, bet you won't be able sleep soon because of your excitment, are you meeting your family at the airport, bet you are there hours before the flight gets in, i know you will enjoy every minute, it will be one magic time from start to finish i'm sure.

I did meet the soldier today, really felt for him, he had five years in the army, served in araq and cyprus, but six months after leaving the army he got cancer in his bone  marrow, it took five years to get rid of the intruder and has been in remission for nearly a year, just wish him all the very best.

Hope George is OK tomorrow, we are going to bake a cake with cream and jam, (is there a doctor in the house) have to keep him busy, else he will watch DVD's all afternoon, bless him.

Did check out rainbow lorikeets, what amazing colourful parrots (they are parrots arn't they) anyway went onto youtube there are so many on there going to show George, he will love them.

Take great care of yourself Kathy, 

Kind regards Paul x x 

Hi Paul,
I think you would call it a garden edging tool.  Pole thing that has a plastic bit attached that whirls around and cuts unruly grass, will try and send pic of lawn.  Normally is powered by 2 stroke oil, too confusing for me hence why I may opt for battery rechargeable option.  Concerned  as to cutting power cord or wet conditions if using electrics therefore avoid electric do dahs.
Cake you are making with George sounds great.  My favourite is sponge cake with cream and strawberry jam.  Anything else I can resist.
Visited the inlaws tdy as MIL had medical appt and their car is being serviced.  Good opportunity to listen to what doc had to say.  She is low on iron but is a bit of a finicky eater.  She always manages to eat well when I am there but could be my cajoling.  I know she thinks the world of me, daft woman. Will make some roast beef portions in gravy and take up for them to freeze if req and FIL can do some veggies to supplement meal.   She is 88 he is 79. So they are muddling along.  They refuse to use a microwave so everything has to be done on stovetop/0ven/grill.
Our plan was whoever went first we would offer the other a home with us.  Now doesn't seem so doable. As if anything happened to me where would they be?  Mind you same thing applies, where they are in a retirement village with no nursing home care available should the need arise.
Funnily enough son has plan for me to live with them eventually and now planning for hubby's parent to be there too.  Don't know if it's the British background making him think this way, it's not the standard Aussie way. 
It's so good you looked at the rainbow lorrikeets, aren't they beautiful?   They do give me so much pleasure.
Can't believe it, it's 18 degrees but I am so chilled have had to put long pants and a jumpers on.
Rang mum.,a few hours ago, she is concerned re my Sisters strange tests.
Kathy x