Morning Hope

Pleased you are having some better days. Emotions seems to run riot at times and then we have those calmer times. I even find some tv programmes can set me off when I least expect it (needing rapid bathroom break!!).Can't even explain why sometimes.  Tomorrow is Dad's 'anniversary' so will wear my Marie Curie daff in rememberance (then usually stays on for the month) (he was looked after for last weeks in their hospice with such care and consideration for the whole family). Sadly having to cope with Mum constantly asking that I give her good news that she can 'just be rid of life' - difficult mainly  because physically she is well and is asking after everyone else and sorting out family birthday cards with me so its not as though she has 'switched off' just does not like being dependent on others and with the homes fees now being increased from next month its going to be a difficult time in a few months as she will have to be moved somewhere else. To be honest I am dreading contacting her Social worker again (they  have not  been in touch since Mum turned down their previous offer and told them to stay out of her life!! as she could fund herself!!). Hey ho will cross that bridge eventually.

Will  be keeping  you in my thoughts and sending hugs.  Jules x

Thanks for your caring reply Hope.  Really appreciate the understanding.Have just returned from a long lunch with our friends (we treated them as it was her birthday) at a Spanish restaurant (first visit) - absolutely great tapas plus wine (red which I usually avoid) and naughty me - a desert!!  We then went back to their house for coffee and mints and she then drove us home(she hates to be driven so chose to pick us up).  Suddenly I feel 'normal' and hubby enjoyed it too - shedding a few tears - how silly is that!!  Chat soon and thanks for listening.Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Have messaged you on your site, but just to say in reply to your post on here, you are not silly at all at shedding tears.  Sometimes when we are a bit low doing happy things such as spending time with family and friends and feeling "normal" brings such a relief but also brings up all kinds of emotions.  The other day in work a friend noticed I'd been not quite myself and spoke kindly to me, this resulted in me bursting into tears and she felt bad!  I told her it was just that she was being nice that had affected me and that I was grateful for her kindness.  I'm glad that your hubby enjoyed your lunch too and I hope that he will be of support to you also today.  Speak soon.  Hope x

Afternoon Hope

I too have responded on my thread but you are so right about emotions.  Sometimes its the silliest of things that can set you off (others kindness is a very good example).  Work kept me busy and actually I have felt okay today as remember Dad with fondess rather than sadness now. He did live a long life which he always made a point of saying had suited him!!  He was disabled out of the war (lucky to be alive he said, having lost many comrades on the field) and told me that living to 85 had been an enormous bonus (he was just 21 when invalided out) and despite my Mum'smental issues they always coped well as a couple and I  now feel I have inherited his strength  and want to enjoy the life I have been given to the best of my ability.

Hubby has gone to visit a friend this afternoon so have control of the remote and having prepared the dinner am now enjoying the company of some very understanding virtual friends.  Thanks for being one of them and you know I will be keeping you in my thoughts through the coming days.  Gently does it.  Big hugs.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I am so glad that today you have been able to remember your Dad with fondness and that it hasn't been too painful for you.  It does give me hope that in time I may feel the same way; as it is things are still too raw for me, so although feeling OK just now am expecting a dip at the weekend.  I think the sunshine helps lift all our spirits though so long may it continue!  I hope hubby had a nice visit to his friend, I'm sure by now he has taken back control of the remote though!  Speak soon.  Hope x

Hi Hope

Just a short message to let you know am thinking of you, especially for this weekend.  Hope you are surrounded by the love of your family and am sure they will undestand if you need 'alone time' too.  Using Beryl's sensible words  take 'baby steps' and let your emotions find their own way along this difficult path as that will be the right route for you. Hugs  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Thank you so much for your kind message. I have accepted that this weekend is going to be a difficult one; last night I felt overcome with emotion - tomorrow is the actual anniversary date but today seems just as difficult as I remember every detail of my last Saturday with Dad before he died that night. Is hard to remember that Mum was with me and now she's gone too. I have bought some lovely flowers for the cemetary tomorrow and hope the sun shines; I have my lovely family with me too.  Am planning to keep busy, hoping to get into the garden to start work on it - it was very neglected last Summer with all that went on.  Hope you have a lovely weekend, and thanks again for your support.  Hope x

Lovely Hope,

Just like Jules, I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you this weekend.

I hope you manage to get out in the garden - personally, I find this a place where I can really lose myself and 'untangle' my thoughts.

The physical act of tending the garden seems to help with the healing of my mind.

Take care, Hope.

Sending you warm, supportive hugs, especially tomorrow, Jo xx

Hi Jo,

Thanks so much for thinking of me.  I will try to keep busy this weekend.  I hope you are doing OK and enjoying the sunshine.  Hope xx