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First Christmas without him

Joanny
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This is my first Christmas without my husband. Not only that but it would have been our Golden Wedding Anniversary tomorrow too. I’ve put up the Christmas tree but keep imagining him there beside it. Always a favourite spot for Christmas photos. There are so many wonderful memories but at this moment it’s so difficult to concentrate on them and not be consumed with grief.

I’m going away for a few days over Christmas with my daughter and her partner because neither of us wanted or could contemplate a “normal” time without him. I feel like screaming. It’s so hard.

I expect it’ll be easier next year.

  • Offline in reply to Rhubarbdragon

    Thanks so much. Lovely sentiments! Yesterday was a much better day. I thought about my husband throughout the day but mainly with love and remembering good times in between some waves of grief. Yes big kids still need support! My grown up daughter is with me and is a great support to me but I’ve been trying to make sure she feels supported too. She misses her Dad so much.

    New Year’s Eve to get through next! Upwards and onwards xxx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hi Jolamine Yours and RD’s replies have really helped me get through Christmas. Christmas Day was ok but the tears came in the evening. Yesterday was better. I know my husband would want me to have good times through the sadness so that’s what my daughter and I have tried to do and I think we’ve made a decent job of it! 
    Hoping everyone else is managing too xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hello Jolamine 

    I am sorry to hear your hubby's health has meant he is in hospital for a long time. 

    I can only imagine how hard that is for both of you. 

    It is very hard to think about it when you are in the middle of hospital visiting and active treatment but for my hubby he was diagnosed late and fought cancer to the very end ....

    It was painful to see and to be fair he is at rest now and we can heal.

    I can only send wife strength to you Jolamine and comfort for your husband .

    Stay connected I utilised counselling to help me through

    Kindest wishes RB 

  • Offline in reply to Rhubarbdragon

    Hi Rhubarbdragon,

    Thank you for your kind words. 

    My hubby's health has been a challenge for the past 30 years, when he had a quadruple heart by-pass followed by a stroke and pneumonia. At that time he had to give up work. Since then he has added several TIAs, Diabetes, Vascular Parkinson's Disease, Vascular Dementia, Bowen's Disease, 2 bouts of skin cancer, problems with swelling and walking, regular collapses and end stage heart failure to the list. We have both limped along collecting new ailments as we go and are happy to see the dawn of each new day.

    I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer after a horrific 12 year battle with the disease. I also lost my father-in-law to cancer. He died only 6 days after diagnosis. Both ends were really painful to watch. I am glad to hear that you have sought counselling. I used this myself when I was undergoing active treatment and found it very helpful.

    I love the terminology "wife strength" - it conjures up all sorts of pictures in my mind and reminds me that we can do so much more than we imagine and can find the extra strength that is needed, in the face of adversity.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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