My mum died of lung cancer in October of this year, I miss her so much it hurts although I feel the worst is still yet to come. I cry for my mum and the pain feels unbearable at times, I think about her every minute and I think of the look on her face when she died in which she looked so scared and vulnerable and it haunts me.  I wasn't there when she died but a few hours after and I spent a short time with her but I wish I could get her face once she'd died out my memory and remember the old mum...but that seems lost.  Please may I ask anyone if this gets easier, I'm so desperately sad for my mum that she had to go through what she did and I wish I could have taken away her pain. When she first died I have to admit I was actually angry that she left me..I didn't want to be an adult orphan, but that seems to have passed, I feel like I don't have any control over what's happened or how i feel so im resigned to these feelings of guilt that she suffered and i couldn't help her and pain that shes not here and i just miss her so much and want her back.