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Missing my Dad terribly

LuciaM
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I'm 28 and lost my precious Dad to cancer 18 months ago. Lately I have been finding the grief tough and am missing him terribly, I was very close to my Dad and he was my biggest champion. None of my friends have lost a parent. My Mum rings me crying over my Dad and so I feel I can't be honest about my own grief with her. I have tried to go to counselling but recently moved cities for work and the waiting list for the counsellors in my new city is very long. I don't want to do online counselling as live with housemates and would find it hard to find a private space to do it. I feel that if I can just talk about my Dad and how much I loved him and what a special person he was, it would help, but its not really a topic I can bring up out of the blue as people either feel awkward, or just start telling me about their own parents (who are alive and well) and to be honest I don't want to hear that. After my Dad's death, our relationship with my Dad's side of the family broke down and so there isn't really anyone from his immediate family I could talk to. 

Would anyone have any suggestions of the best thing to do ?
Thank you

  • Hi LuciaM,

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been finding things difficult recently. By the way you've described things, I can understand this must be incredibly tough and I know what you mean about finding it hard to speak to those around you, and others perhaps not knowing what to say.

    It's good to hear that you have explored counselling. As you say, speaking to someone neutral and who is there to listen can be very helpful. Hopefully you will be able to get to speak to someone locally if you are on a waiting list.

    I'm not sure if you have yet had a look at Cruse. They are an organisation supporting those experiencing grief. They have a a helpline, lots of information and resources, and also details about local support options available. I know you mention finding it difficult to speak online or over the phone, but hopefully some of this can be helpful for you.

    Online forums can of course be a useful resource too, so I hope that you are finding this forum helpful. Sometimes writing things down and reaching out to others can be a help. I know there will be others here who are experiencing or have experienced something similar.

    We are always here if ever you need it. Hopefully you'll also get some more replies to your post soon from other members of the forum.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hello,

    You are not alone and I am in the exact same position as you. I lost my dad 5 months ago to cancer, my dad died within a month of being rediagnosed and unfortunately due to how quick it spread we didn’t get any support from the hospital or team, we weren’t even told he was on end of life, and he didn’t even end up on a hospice and unfortunately died on a general ward. 

    my friends are too young to experience parent loss and I feel as if they pretend it didn’t happen. As if it makes them that uncomfortable that they don’t want to even bring it up, but it’s our reality. 

    I cry all the time as I can’t get my head around the fact I will never see my dad again, and also I feel like I’m waiting, I don’t know what I’m waiting for.

    i also go to private counselling as a space to talk.

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