Hi Barneythedog,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and that you are feeling some trauma from the experience - I'm sure this must be an awful lot to deal with.

I'm also sorry to hear that the GP was unhelpful. I'm not sure if you've explored any other avenues yet, but it may be worth looking at Cruse. They have a lot of helpful resources and also a helpline, as well as information about other available local support.

I also hope that this forum can be of some support to you. We are always here whenever you need it, and it's a safe space to write things down and reach out to others.

I'm sure there will be others here who have experienced or who are experiencing something similar, so hopefully you'll get some more replies soon. You can also browse or search the forum (using the bar at the top of the page) for other relevant discussions, if you'd like to.

Keeping busy can be helpful, as you say. Speaking to others is also important, so hopefully you'll have an opportunity to do this soon. Do try to take care of yourself as much as possible, and focus on taking time to do things you enjoy as well. And as I say, we're always here if you need it.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you 

Hi, I’m sorry you are experiencing this. I lost my partner in September from lung cancer. I cared for him at home and he died of a pulmonary haemorrhage at 2 o’clock in the morning. He walked to bed and to the bathroom himself when this started happening. I will never forget the look in his eyes when we both realised this was not going to stop.

I was alone for almost 2 1/2 hours afterwards as we live remotely, before the hospital team arrived. Like yourself I’m tormented by thoughts and worried I didn’t do things right but realistically know I did what I could at the time. I’ve spoken to GP and palliative nurse and I understand what this happened but I can’t stop reliving it over and over. 
I hope you find peace soon x