my mum

hi, im 17years old and when i was 5 i lost my mum to breast cancer. as i was pretty young i don’t remember a lot, my mum was my everything and as ive been growing us always going to groups for kids like me who have struggled with grief i thought it would help but it hasn’t.as im growing up it gets harder and harder to deal with when i thought it would get better i struggle every day but when people ask whats wrong i tell them its nothing because it was so long ago im worried people are going to think that im just dwelling on it or just think im looking for attention because theres no real reason to bring it up. i just miss her every day. now and then i try and call or text her on her old facebook account but obviously theres not going to be a response but still i cling on to the hope that she will. she meant the world to me i remember the day my dad told me it was December 23rd and i was on my way back from a Christmas disco at school when my dad pulled over and started telling me that he loved me and my whole family loved me then said i got a call from your uncle and thats when he told me she had passed i just cried and cried, her funeral was then on the 11th of January 4 days before my sixth birthday i just can’t believe it shes gone, like actually gone. why isn’t the grief getting better every time i think about her i go through it all over again no matter the circumstance i just need her more than ever. 

  • Dear Katecharlotte, 

    i’m so sorry to hear that you suffered such a loss. Grief can be very difficult to deal withn and the first thing that you must remember is that it’s not unusual for it to take years for someone to deal with a loss. On a positive note, it’s great yhat you have been able to reach out and share the way that you’re feeling.  I’m sure that the chat moderators will be able to signpost you to good sources of support, but in the meantime, please remember that we’re hear to listen and  understand.

  • Thank you for the comment i really appreciate it.

  • thank you for your chat i really appreciate it.

  • Hello katecharlotte, 

    I am so sorry for your loss at such a young age - you were so young at the time when your mum passed away and it's bound to have been a traumatic experience for you. It's a shame that these support groups you attended didn't help but it was a good idea to try them. It sounds like you may be experiencing what is often called prolonged grief (also called complicated grief) and you can find out more on this on the NHS page on getting help for grief after bereavement or loss. Given how long you have been feeling this way, it does mention on the NHS site that it is worth seeing your GP who will I am sure be able to help you. Another great source of support is the Cruse Bereavement site and they have valuable information on complicated grief including a page on complicated grief in children and young people like yourself. 

    As Janjan3 rightly said, coping with grief is by no means easy and it can take years; there is no right or wrong way to grieve but I think given what you went through at such a young age and how deep a mark it has understandably left in you, losing your mum at only 5 years old, do get in touch with your GP to talk things through and seek help. They are used to dealing with situations like yours and will be able to provide the help you need to help you feel gradually better.

    I will echo Janjan3's words - we are here to listen and sometimes it helps to talk to others here who understand better than anyone what you are going through because they have themselves been through something similar. 

    Keep strong katecharlotte and pick up the phone to ring your surgery (or get the adult you live with to do so for you) and talk to your GP about how you have been feeling for so many years.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator