Loss of my Mum x

I lost my Mum 20th January 2024 and I feel like my life has stopped.I go to work and go through all other motions but I feel nothing.My Mum died 2 months after being diagnosed with mastatic cancer.My Mum was 88 but it was not her time to leave us.She had been my Dads carer before he moved to a nursing home on September 8th a year before and this was supposed to be her time to rest and do what she wanted she never got the chance to.Im so so angry with this and I miss my mum terribly. Hiw do I function in life now without her.

  • Hello Shopaholic and a warm welcome to our forum, 

    I am so sorry for your loss and wanted to send you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. Coping with Grief is by no means easy and is very personal and involves going through a range of overwhelming emotions. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and so many members of our community are sadly going through a similar grieving process at the moment and I hope that you can talk to one another here. It is normal to feel numb and as if your life has stopped, the feelings of anger you describe are also very common and I hope that with time and support you will gradually feel a little better. Take the time you need to grieve though as there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I thought I would mention  's My Beautiful Dad thread and don't hesitate to respond to it if you would like to do so - this members sadly lost her dad very recently and was describing how she is feeling, the numbness and difficulty to cry even that can also be very much part of grief.

    If you feel like you can't cope and find it hard to function, do give your doctor a call as I am sure they will be able to help you and give you some suggestions to help you feel a bit better.

    We're thinking of you and your loved ones during this difficult time. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thank you for your kind words and I think I may contact my Gp as I'm finding this all too much to deal with.

  • Hello Shopaholic.  First of all, my condolences on the loss of your Mother.  What you are feeling is a very normal part of the grieving process.  I was 33 when my Mum died of cancer, and she was 70.  Like you, my Mum's death threw me in to a tailspin.  The only thing I can tell you with any certainty is that you WILL get through this.  That doesn't mean to say that you will get over it.......I don't believe that we ever truly 'get over' losing the people we love, I think that somehow, we simply learn to live with it.  The anger you are feeling is something that all bereaved people go through at some point.  We feel that it is so unfair that the person we loved so much has been taken from us, and as you say, even though your Mother was 88, it simply wasn't her time to go.  I always think that it doesn't matter how old the person is who has died, because for the people that are left behind, it is still absolutely devastating.  There is never a 'right' age to die.  We all cope in different ways.  For me personally, I threw myself in to my work.  For some people, grief counselling helps them enormously.  My cousin had grief counselling when her Father died, and she told me that it helped her a great deal.  I still miss my Mum, even though she has been gone for many years now, but it is no longer painful and raw.  Losing our Mothers is one of the biggest losses we will ever face in life, and it is so hard, but please believe me when I tell you that eventually, your overwhelming grief will ease, and although you will always miss your Mum, you will find that you are able to process it and return to some semblance of normality.  Once again, I am so sorry for your loss, take care, xx