I'm 33 and lost my mum in January. I think any age is difficult to lose a parent. I never knew my dad, my mum was all I've ever known. It's like a pain that nobody will ever understand unless they have been through it themselves! Because of your boy can't remember him, your focus now has to be making sure that he knows everything there is to know about his grandad, get all the old photos out, take him to places your dad loved going to, tell him every detail so that your son will feel as if he does remember him! Not only that but it will help you to talk about him and cherish all of those memories you have of your dad. Grieving a parent is like standing on the edge of a gaping hole and every day you spend the day trying not to fall in. I don't know if it gets any easier or how it feels 10 years down the line but right now we both have kids that need us to be there for them! Breaking an addiction is one of the hardest things possible but you are admitting that you have a problem and that's always the first and hardest step, stop and think to yourself "how proud would my boy be growing up, knowing that his dad stopped drinking for him?" Go and speak to your GP about the drinking, seek a grief counsellor, start focussing on putting one foot in front of each other instead of taking the whole staircase in one go!!! As I said I'm still new to the grief experience myself but I'm having talk therapy and taking antidepressants, it still sucks but helping other people is how I get through stuff so if you ever want to chat I'm always here x