Hello Johnboy1986, 

I am so sorry for your loss. It's so sad your youngest son cannot remember his grandad and you yourself were rather young when he passed away and it must have been a truly traumatic experience. You've come to the right place to talk to others who have also lost a loved one and who know how painful it can be. Our website has useful information on coping with grief and it mentions that "some people drink more alcohol than usual" and it is a way "to numb the pain" but "this might slow your recovery and cause new problems". It sounds like you really don't want to drink so much and I would therefore encourage you to get in touch with your GP about the prolonged grief you are experiencing as well as the drinking issues as the two might need to be addressed together and it could be beneficial for you to consider some grief counselling. You seem to have a loving family by your side and the fact that you have come here and that you have had the courage - and it isn't easy - to open up about it is a very important step towards recovery. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it sometimes takes a long time to feel a little better but do reach out to your GP as I am sure they will be able to help you and point you in the right direction. 

You are not alone and I will now let others who have experienced the same struggles after the loss of a loved one come and say hello and share their story with you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm 33 and lost my mum in January. I think any age is difficult to lose a parent. I never knew my dad, my mum was all I've ever known. It's like a pain that nobody will ever understand unless they have been through it themselves! Because of your boy can't remember him, your focus now has to be making sure that he knows everything there is to know about his grandad, get all the old photos out, take him to places your dad loved going to, tell him every detail so that your son will feel as if he does remember him! Not only that but it will help you to talk about him and cherish all of those memories you have of your dad. Grieving a parent is like standing on the edge of a gaping hole and every day you spend the day trying not to fall in. I don't know if it gets any easier or how it feels 10 years down the line but right now we both have kids that need us to be there for them! Breaking an addiction is one of the hardest things possible but you are admitting that you have a problem and that's always the first and hardest step, stop and think to yourself "how proud would my boy be growing up, knowing that his dad stopped drinking for him?" Go and speak to your GP about the drinking, seek a grief counsellor, start focussing on putting one foot in front of each other instead of taking the whole staircase in one go!!! As I said I'm still new to the grief experience myself but I'm having talk therapy and taking antidepressants, it still sucks but helping other people is how I get through stuff so if you ever want to chat I'm always here x