I am sorry about your loss, it's hard for you, it is hard for your mum and though you might be snowed under at the moment with work, hobbies, kids and the rest - your mum really needs you at the moment and she is feeling very vulnerable - I suppose my suggestion is going to be how about getting hold of your two brothers and going 'listen lads, how about lending a hand here?' and get them involved because I am sure they love their mum and want to talk to her about dad and losing him and working through their grief together. Is that possible? Because it would be a shame if the answer is 'no' but talk to them and tell them what you have said on here 'I want to help mum and I am doing my best but she needs you two for support as well'.

I am sorry I cannot be any more help than that but I hope they hear the call and come to your aid soon, take care. 

Thanks for taking time to read this and for the reply 

I really wish it was possible for me to reach out to the brothers but if I’m honest they are pretty selfish I don’t want nothing to do with them now bdays have passed Christmas etc and not even a text message my mum has tried to call them no answer or reply not even a happy Mother’s Day   they said some horrible things when dad was dieing like o it’s your fault blaming my mum for his condition etc and how we should have noticed this signs we did and this is why we keep going back and forth to the gp but they wouldn’t no this because they were never around one lives abroad the other lives 3 hours away they have never been there to support them even when dad was well and healthy always had excuses even the sister in law came out with a comment saying well she’s big enough to fend for herself and she’s the mother what I had to really bite my tongue about I said to my brother we all have partner for support mum has no one she needs us she’s been there for our whole life now it’s out turn to be there for her his response was well she’s the mother 

I am sorry to hear of their attitude. I know such attitudes exist though and if they won't answer calls and texts from their own grieving mother then - I don't know - I am just sorry for you and your mother that you are on the receiving end of this and I hope, and I am sure with time, it will resolve itself, take care.

Are there any local charities or groups for elderly people where you live? Maybe you can try and get your mum to visit or take part. 

is there a local carers charity near you? They are pretty good for advice and support.

also, make the most of your time with your mum. You’ll only have regrets when she’s gone. My dad died last week from bowel cancer and I’m struggling. 

see it as a blessing that your mum is living with you and the grand kids. All the beautiful memories you and kids are making. Take vids, pics, go out or just do stuff at home etc. Your brothers are losing out on so much. Cherish everyday you have with her. When she’s gone you can look back and see you did your best. 

If I’m honest I haven’t looked into charities it is somthing I would look into I think it would just do her some good to socialise I no my brothers are loosing out it’s there loss it’s just difficult because somedays I wouldn’t mind just locking myself in a room on my day off and just having a cry if I’m honest but again I feel bad I no I shouldn’t because I need to grieve for my dad but I feel like I have to be the strong one for my mum and the kids 

Rely on whatever support you can get. Maybe even your mums GP? If your mum is elderly sometimes they can refer you to day care to help you. We had carers coming in weekly to help relieve the pressure a bit. They don’t tell you what support there is you literally have to ask. 

if you need to cry. Just cry. Nothing wrong with it. It’s a total natural emotion.

My mum is only 67 so she doesn’t need carers she’s pretty independent well she was till dad passed and she’s just so down now I do try to help but I am struggling myself also my teenager is struggling and keeps everything bottled up and doesn’t like talking about my dad as it’s to upsetting my kids seen him daily the thing is I work at that gp surgery mum is registered at what makes it difficult mum has said she doesn’t want to go to the gp and be put on medication because she doesn’t need to thank you for your reply and advice 

It’s a very difficult situation. I understand how you feel. It’s ntural to want some time to yourself in your home. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice. I’m afraid that I’m not managing a similar situation very well. But please realise that you are not at fault for feeling this way x

Thank you it’s hard not to feel guilty for wanting my own time 

also I feel for my husband to because we are quiet newly married 2 children and our all off our lives have changed dramatically I feel I can’t plan any family days or trips anymore because I have to consider my mum now as well and being her along I just feel like *** about the whole situation 

I know exactly how you feel, 5 years of my parents’ illhealth have meant that we haven’t taken a family holiday and I feel guilty as 5 years is a long time in my 3 children’s young lives. 
But all we can do is take things a day at a time and look for the best bits of every day xxx