My beautiful mum passed away on the 2nd of December 2023. She fought ovarian cancer for 5 years.

In the end she had an obstructed bowel, during the last few days she wasn't eating, drinking minimal & not getting out of bed.

We called an ambulance, I helped mum sit up in bed & all she wanted to do was lay down again. Mum was feeling nauseous and being sick.

This was to be the last time she was in her own bed at home...

5 days later my son, mum's husband & I watched as mum took her last breath. 

Absolutely awful & unbelievable to watch but we wouldn't have been anywhere else. There was no way we would have left mum on her own. 

I had a month off work... my employers were so understanding... 

I know exactly what happened & I know that my mum has gone but I'm having real trouble in believing that I'll never see her again. I think that she's hiding, she's hiding from us all to see what we'll do & how we'll act.

I honestly know that she's gone but maybe deep down I don't want to believe it so that's why I think she's hiding.

I know I'm not crazy, it's just the way I feel at the moment.

Today was a bad day for me, I felt so ***.

I bought a bottle of wine, drunk that & now I have a Gin.

I don't want to harm myself, just sleep & not think about the reality...

God, this sounds like I'm losing it...

I'm not, I have support.