Cancer Research UK main site

Not dealing with mums passing...

Dolly-4-boys
Offline

My beautiful mum passed away on the 2nd of December 2023. She fought ovarian cancer for 5 years.

In the end she had an obstructed bowel, during the last few days she wasn't eating, drinking minimal & not getting out of bed.

We called an ambulance, I helped mum sit up in bed & all she wanted to do was lay down again. Mum was feeling nauseous and being sick.

This was to be the last time she was in her own bed at home...

5 days later my son, mum's husband & I watched as mum took her last breath. 

Absolutely awful & unbelievable to watch but we wouldn't have been anywhere else. There was no way we would have left mum on her own. 

I had a month off work... my employers were so understanding... 

I know exactly what happened & I know that my mum has gone but I'm having real trouble in believing that I'll never see her again. I think that she's hiding, she's hiding from us all to see what we'll do & how we'll act.

I honestly know that she's gone but maybe deep down I don't want to believe it so that's why I think she's hiding.

I know I'm not crazy, it's just the way I feel at the moment.

Today was a bad day for me, I felt so ***.

I bought a bottle of wine, drunk that & now I have a Gin.

I don't want to harm myself, just sleep & not think about the reality...

God, this sounds like I'm losing it...

I'm not, I have support. 

  • Offline

    You’re not crazy. You are so brave. My mums bowel is obstructed and she has a tube to drain it, I don’t fully understand as I’m 18 but I somewhat understand how much it hurts. Everyone has their own ways of coping and everyone knows it’s not going to be easy for you. I’m so sorry you lost your mother, truly I am. Feel free to message me or reply here if you ever want to talk. I wish you all the best. And remember, you are brave and your mother would be so proud of you x

  • Offline

    I am sorry about your loss and I am glad you have the support that will see you through this very tough period of your life. 

    I lost my mum two years ago and I believe she is with me and I talk to her all the time. I am not crazy, well, no more than anyone else - life takes the bark off you with the best of us - who gets out of it completely sane I don't know but there have been many things that have happened since she passed where I now believe she is with me and she helps me when I need it.

    People have their own beliefs about what happens to someone when they die but all I can say is through my own experiences is that my mum is with me and I am very happy about it and that I will see her one day again - if others don't believe in that then fine, hold on to what you believe in. 

    Talk to mum, tell her you need her help to get through this and you love her, I did that and it helped - a lot.

    Take care and you'll get through this, these feelings won't last forever and you'll remember your mum with a smile and warmth in your heart.

  • Offline in reply to HScholey

    Thank you for replying HScholey...

    You are so young to be dealing with something like this, do you have someone to support you while you are there for your mum? 

    My son is 18 too. He was with mum at the end. I'm finding it very hard to make sense of what has happened myself, god knows how he is dealing with it. He was consoling me last night actually. 

    Xx

  • Offline in reply to Dolly-4-boys

    Honestly I don’t have much support, just my partner which I’m so grateful for, but he doesn’t understand no matter how hard he tries, my mum is the only family I have, idk my dad or his side of the family and my uncle lives in Australia and doesn’t talk to me. I don’t know how to handle it and I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong or how to make her feel better, I wish I could do something to help and save her, your son sounds so brave and I’m so glad he is helping you with your loss, I bet he’s so proud of you and how brave you are. I understand it must be hard to make sense of what’s happened to your mum, and I know nothing I say can take away your pain, but you’re doing amazing, your family must be so proud of you and I’m 100% sure you mum is, she will always be with you x

  • Offline

    My mum passed away in May last year, and during her last weeks the cancer was in a position where it was blocking her bowel. She hardly ate at all & it was so hard for everyone. I know how hard it must be, but you and your son are so brave; you'll get through this together.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.