Hiya everyone,

I'm still trying to process everything, so sorry if I start to ramble. 

In October 2019, my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer, which spread to her liver, lungs and then her lymph nodes. In January of this year, she was given 6-9 months. After hearing that news, the thought of losing her felt so much more real. It was horrible. 

Three weeks ago, my mum's condition changed so fast and for the past week and a half, she was bed-bound. My mum passed away in her sleep on Thursday night, at aged 60. I'd been back home for only half an hour, when my sister phoned and told me that mum's breathing had gotten worse. I left mine straight away, but mum had already gone by the time I pulled-up to her house.

Since last Sunday, the only time I cried was when I sent a WhatsApp message to my mum's phone last night. Just a few house ago as well, I was about to phone her. Nothing eventful had even happened today either - I just wanted to phone her because we hadn't talked for a few days. Then the reality hit. It's heartbreaking. I don't feel like I'm grieving yet, unless I did most of my grieving when I saw how quickly she was changing. I'm pretty sure it'll be the funeral that makes me realise that we've actually lost her. As much as we're all going to miss her, I'm SO glad mum doesn't have to fight anymore. 

Loads of the posts and replies on here have helped me through the hardest parts of all of this, so thank you all so much.