Hi Betty,

A few years ago my wife had a massive brain haemmorhage and I was irritated by the inane conversations I overheard between the nurses as I sat by what I thought was her dying bedside. I must confess that I snapped at them a few times in the wee small hours. Later, I came to realise that it was just a coping mechanism that helped them to cope with the near overwhelming feeling of tragedy that dominated their working lives.

End of life care is difficult in any circumstances but in a general hospital setting it is challenging for everyone, especially the relatives. Everyone knows that and everyone involved knows that the NHS is broken and increasingly dysfunctional. I’ve lost count of the number of reports there have been which detailed what needed to be done to improve end of life care over the last 30 years but our politicians have never delivered on their promises to implement the recommendations made in good faith by people who have looked into what’s been going wrong. The majority of hospices and hospice at home services are run by charities who are struggling to survive with little or no government support, rising demand and falling donations from a public who are struggling to make ends meet. 
Even if the consultant had tried his best to get your Mum transferred to a more suitable setting, the chances of finding a bed, or adequate support for round the clock care at home, would have been slim.

Please don’t feel guilty or angry with yourself. You did your level best but your family was badly let down by a failing system. If you must blame anyone, blame the long list of politicians who have constantly broken their promises to the electorate over the past thirty years. 


Best wishes

Dave

Hi Dave. I agree about the NHS being totally dysfunctional, the politicians being incompetent, a failing system etc. But I disagree that laughing and ignoring the person dying and their relatives, is a coping mechanism. I've been a carer for both my parents since I was a kid, knew how to give injections from high-school and everything a non professional carer does. I got to become a sensitive, empathetic, kind person I believe, and this might be related to having to care for others but also being brought up by two very kind parents too. I do blame the system, the politicians, the dysfunctional NHS but I also blame the disrespectful and insensitive nursing staff. Not everyone is for this job, if you do not genuinely love and care about people choose to do something else, your "skills" won't be missed by anyone... It's been extremely unfair first of all for my mother, a kind human being who was petrified and deserved better treatment. My father and 2 brothers, we were all there all the time and had zero help or advice on how to make our beloved person's last days even a tiny bit "easier".

Hi Dave. I agree about the NHS being totally dysfunctional, the politicians being incompetent, a failing system etc. But I disagree that laughing and ignoring the person dying and their relatives, is a coping mechanism. I've been a carer for both my parents since I was a kid, knew how to give injections from high-school and everything a non professional carer does. I got to become a sensitive, empathetic, kind person I believe, and this might be related to having to care for others but also being brought up by two very kind parents too. I do blame the system, the politicians, the dysfunctional NHS but I also blame the disrespectful and insensitive nursing staff. Not everyone is for this job, if you do not genuinely love and care about people choose to do something else, your "skills" won't be missed by anyone... It's been extremely unfair first of all for my mother, a kind human being who was petrified and deserved better treatment. My father and 2 brothers, we were all there all the time and had zero help or advice on how to make our beloved person's last days even a tiny bit "easier".