I am broken... Thankfully i have brothers and sisters to lean on, but i really need my dad... My dad was diagnosed with nasalphaynx cancer just before new year after being rushed to hospital early hours of xmas day with a nose bleed. We visited every single day, bought him anything he needed. And Spent all visiting hours with him. He loved us all so dearly. His wish was to be brought home so if he did pass, he would pass in his home as he was terrified of dying alone. We managed this.. every day since xmas day when he got put in hospital i have cried.. every memory, every photo every smell i cry... But 2 days ago i woke up and I cant cry anymore. I don't feel the same heartache when i see his photos. I still feel pain but not the gut wrenching struggling to breathe or see through the tears pain. Like i did before. I am struggling to remember my dad, his voice mainly.. and I don't know why my mindset literally changed over night i want to cry i can feel it but for whatever reason i just cant. I am so scared i am forgetting him already and we havent even had his funeral yet. I have a thousand thoughts through my head at once i feel guilt, pain, shame, anger , sad all at. Once what's wrong with me why cant i cry anymore why am i forgetting already ️
