Hi, my mum just passed away early this morning and I am panicking at what my life has now become. She was due to come home on Friday but on thurs night she insisted on staying in the care home she had been in. This broke me but I went with it. In hindsight, I think she knew she was going to die. Watching her pass away, the noises she made, her face was unrecognisable at the end - it has truly traumatised me. I can't get the images out of my head and it makes me cry uncontrollably .
I'm 30, and only child and my mum was a single parent. And I now can't think how to move forward or accept what has happened - living a life without any parents. It's been said countless times, but my mum was my rock. I have a husband and a 3 and 1 year old, but the truth is I don't feel like I'm about to continue for their sake. I know I should but I just can't.
i have called Samaritans but I feel so hopeless and that life is just not worth living. I'm embarrassed to say it as I have children but I just can't help how I feel. I've decided that I won't be attending her funeral, as hard as it is I think it will tip me over the edge and I'm scared of what the outcome will be.
sorry for the long post, I'm not sure what I'm seeking right now but just wanted to put my thoughts on a page
