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Traumatised after seeing dad in chapel of rest

Hannahlisa17
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My lovely and brave dad passed away on the 13th July, I saw his body after he had passed as he died at home suddenly, paramedics made him look comfortable on the sofa. I had a lot of comfort from seeing him, it meant I got to see him, hug him, kiss him on the forehead. Despite being distraught it's a memory I'll treasure. 
Fast forward to today, I visited my dad in the chapel of rest. It has traumatised me. The beautician did a good job, but it scared me how much it didn't look like him. I went in alone, I tried sitting next to him but within a minute I had to leave and had a huge panic attack. He face was gaunt and his features didn't look real or like they belonged to him. 
I've blocked it out for most the day but I've come to bed and my mind is flashing images of seeing him today. It's unbearable. I feel awful as I know it is still my dad but I can't shake these images of him looking like a completely different person. 
I've read people encourage people visit chapels of rest and how it brings comfort and it's making me feel so much guilt that I have had no comfort at all from seeing him. 

 

Parents
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    Hello, it's very traumatic to see people in such a way, when it's a parent it's a whole different dimension of trauma. They are usually the starting blocks of our lives and are there through out to raise us into the adults we become. We are more influenced by them then we are perhaps aware and with all that combined it has the effect of being hit by a train to see them in such a way. I recently found my mum when I was going in to check on her, it was expected but having the air sucked out of the room and it start to spin out of control was not. I know this feeling, you are not alone. 

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    Hello, it's very traumatic to see people in such a way, when it's a parent it's a whole different dimension of trauma. They are usually the starting blocks of our lives and are there through out to raise us into the adults we become. We are more influenced by them then we are perhaps aware and with all that combined it has the effect of being hit by a train to see them in such a way. I recently found my mum when I was going in to check on her, it was expected but having the air sucked out of the room and it start to spin out of control was not. I know this feeling, you are not alone. 

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