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Traumatised after seeing dad in chapel of rest

Hannahlisa17
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My lovely and brave dad passed away on the 13th July, I saw his body after he had passed as he died at home suddenly, paramedics made him look comfortable on the sofa. I had a lot of comfort from seeing him, it meant I got to see him, hug him, kiss him on the forehead. Despite being distraught it's a memory I'll treasure. 
Fast forward to today, I visited my dad in the chapel of rest. It has traumatised me. The beautician did a good job, but it scared me how much it didn't look like him. I went in alone, I tried sitting next to him but within a minute I had to leave and had a huge panic attack. He face was gaunt and his features didn't look real or like they belonged to him. 
I've blocked it out for most the day but I've come to bed and my mind is flashing images of seeing him today. It's unbearable. I feel awful as I know it is still my dad but I can't shake these images of him looking like a completely different person. 
I've read people encourage people visit chapels of rest and how it brings comfort and it's making me feel so much guilt that I have had no comfort at all from seeing him. 

 

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    Hi hannah lisa 

    So sorry for your loss.

    I too had the same thing, saw my husband take his last breath and initially he didn't look very nice , the nurses then laid him out in the bed at home and he still had colour looked peaceful like he was sleeping. I then saw him in the chapel where he did actually look nice and like himself but i made the mistake of touching his face of course he reality hit home then and it still bothers me years later.

    Every time that image comes to my mind i change my thoughts to when he was laying peacefully in the bed, just like when the paramedics laid your lovely dad on the sofa. Keep that thought in your mind and remember that hug and kiss you gave him fondly with a smile at all times and you'll get through as time goes by.

    Hope this helps

    Huge hug to you

    Xxx

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    Hi Hannah Lisa, so sorry for your loss.  I was advised not to see my Dad at the funeral parlour, the lady there said it would be best if I remembered him the way he was before he died.  I took this to mean that he looked absolutely dreadful in death.  With my mum, I got to the hospital a few minutes after she had died, and I will never forget the shock of seeing her look so awful.  My lovely Mum, who had been so beautiful, now looked ghastly.  I barely recognised her.  How I dealt with it was by reminding myself that the physical body is simply the vessel that carries our soul.  The body dies and shrivels away, but I firmly believe that the spirit lives on.  In my mind, once my mother's soul had left her physical body, she was once again the beautiful woman with the raven black hair and green eyes whose beauty drew attention wherever  she went.  That is how I will always remember her, in spite of how terrible she looked in death, and this is what you will eventually do where your lovely Dad is concermed.........you will remember him as he was when he was alive, not how he looked when he died.  Take care mate, Violet, xxx

     

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    Hello, it's very traumatic to see people in such a way, when it's a parent it's a whole different dimension of trauma. They are usually the starting blocks of our lives and are there through out to raise us into the adults we become. We are more influenced by them then we are perhaps aware and with all that combined it has the effect of being hit by a train to see them in such a way. I recently found my mum when I was going in to check on her, it was expected but having the air sucked out of the room and it start to spin out of control was not. I know this feeling, you are not alone. 

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