My lovely and brave dad passed away on the 13th July, I saw his body after he had passed as he died at home suddenly, paramedics made him look comfortable on the sofa. I had a lot of comfort from seeing him, it meant I got to see him, hug him, kiss him on the forehead. Despite being distraught it's a memory I'll treasure.
Fast forward to today, I visited my dad in the chapel of rest. It has traumatised me. The beautician did a good job, but it scared me how much it didn't look like him. I went in alone, I tried sitting next to him but within a minute I had to leave and had a huge panic attack. He face was gaunt and his features didn't look real or like they belonged to him.
I've blocked it out for most the day but I've come to bed and my mind is flashing images of seeing him today. It's unbearable. I feel awful as I know it is still my dad but I can't shake these images of him looking like a completely different person.
I've read people encourage people visit chapels of rest and how it brings comfort and it's making me feel so much guilt that I have had no comfort at all from seeing him.
