Hi Jamal

So sorry to read your post and what you're going through. I've been there with my husband right to the last breath and it's incredibly hard when there is little you can do but be strong to help them on their journey. I now have cancer too so having done this with my husband know my fate too.

All i can say to you is no matter what: your dads needs now are greater than any fears you have so keep strong, make sure anything you want to tell him is said, spend as much time as you can with him letting him know he's loved and being with him will ease his fears / being scared.

Biggest hug ever to you.

Xxx

Hello Jamal.  So sorry for what you and your Dad and your family are going through.  I lost my Mum to cancer when I was still quite young, so I know exactly how you are feeling.........it is devastating.  I also have stage 4 cancer myself now, so I am having to accept that I am not going to reach an old age.  Your Dad is still fairly young and I imagine that you thought you would have him for a lot more years, and life can feel so unfair at times, but what you must do now Jamal is to be strong, and make sure that your Dad's last days are as peaceful as possible and remember to tell him how much you love him........one of my biggest regrets is that I never told my dying Mother how much I loved her.  Don't leave anything un-said, and once again Jamal, so sorry you are having to go through this, Violet, xxx

Hi Jamal, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. 
I know how difficult it is, my dad has stage 4 cancer and the doctors have told him it isn't curable. He has one of the most aggressive tumours you can get and most people don't survive more than 4-6 months after diagnosis. I feel really devastated right now. I feel sick with worry about the pain he is in at the moment and also the pain that I know I will be in when he passes. I'm in my mid twenties so it hurts to know that he won't be around to see the next stages of my life like potentially meeting boyfriends/ getting married/ meeting future children. 

I find that it's difficult to see him struggling to eat, loosing weight and being ill because he's always been such a strong person. And I don't even think he knows how bad it is. The doctors have told him they're only going to be able to possibly slow the cancer but didn't give him any timeframe and he hasn't looked on the internet about the type of cancer he has. 
 

I feel myself withdrawing socially, seeing people happy just makes me feel annoyed and I feel like I can't talk to my friends because they have no idea how much I'm hurting and don't know what to say to me. I seem to be drawing comfort from fictional characters in books I've read who have lost a parent and realising that they have coped so maybe I can too (I know that sounds silly because they are fictional). Also reading about them processing the grief makes me realise that it's okay to feel all different feelings. 
another thing I'm finding helpful is talking to my siblings. I feel like they understand what I'm going through the most. 
ive booked myself in for a therapy session next week so hopefully I can offload there.

Are you doing anything in particular to help you cope and process the emotions? 

Hi Jamal 

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I hope that you found some comfort in doing so and know that you've helped people feel less alone. 

My dad is currenly fighting this disease too and I can relate to having anticipation grief as well. It's not certain yet what is going to happen and I know how hard it is to watch your dad suffer.

Let yourself feel everything you need to and let it all out. So sorry you are having to deal with this, thinking of you and your family x

Thank you for your advice and kind words

i wish you strength in your journey and I hope you have support around you from the ones you love. Please if you ever feel like you need to, post here and people will be there to listen

Dear Snow,

That doesn't sound silly at all! I've been doing very weird things to cope with the grief. Mainly I have a friend who lost his father on the other side of the world suddenly due to covid and (as I told him) listening to his story in a very odd way makes me feel better, because at least we had time to say goodbye. I find as me and my brother are having to delve very deep into the family business, throwing myself into work helps a lot. Therapy would be something I want to do, did you just go and see your GP? Or is it a private thing?

I know how you feel..I'm 25 at the moment and as I said before it was always an if. Now it's a when it's difficult to have the conversations about what he will miss as it makes him so sad it breaks my heart. Wishing all the love in the world to you and your family

Awwwww what a lovely fella you are, taking the time to reply to everybody in your time of need.

If you need a shoulder, i have two anytime.

Keep strong

Xxx

Thanks for responding Jamel, that's true that we have time to say goodbye, and I suppose it gives our dad's a chance to make peace with whatever business they've got unfinished. 
Unfortunately I'm having a difficult time with concentrating at work and I'm not getting things done as quickly as I should, but luckily my manager is very nice. I'm a social worker for adults and keep coming across clients with cancer which really sucks as it's a reminder of what's happening in my own life. 

I've booked in with a therapist privately, you probably could go through a GP, but I think there might be waiting lists. I don't know whether McMillan do a counselling service? 

In the past when I've been going through something difficult I've found a tv series or a book series to distract myself. Is that something that you would find that helpful?

Wishing you and your family peace ️