Dad dying of cancer soon - anticipation grief

Hello everyone

not too sure what I'm doing posting here or if I'll get a reply but I just wanted to share my story and maybe take comfort in people who have found themselves in similar situations.

My dad (62) was diagnosed with stage 4 ascending colon cancer in 2018. In the past 4 years he's been through 2 rounds of chemo, 2 cycles of radiotherapy and 3 surgery's to try and combat the disease. Recently he'd been having a lot of Gastrointestinal problems whilst having radiotherapy on a brain met so he went in for a scan and they've found it's aggressively spread around the body showing uncountable lesions in his liver and lungs.
 

They've given him a few weeks at most and I'm really struggling with dealing with this. It was always, over the last 4 years a distant thought. Now we're faced with the reality that it's coming soon, watching him and all my family accept there's no hope is heartbreaking. Conversations from yesterday ( the day they told him it's spread ) such as "at least you know your loved" and "nobody could have fought as hard as you" have broke me to my core and the anticipation grief is really kicking in. 
 

how are you supposed to deal with having no how and just accept this? My dads a medical man and has been fighting a researching throughout, so he's struggling and terrified now there is no hope. It's hard to see such an intelligent strong man so weak and scared. 
 

anyway, thanks for reading, I hope if you're reading this and have been through anything similar , you're at peace.

<3

Parents
  • Hello Jamal.  So sorry for what you and your Dad and your family are going through.  I lost my Mum to cancer when I was still quite young, so I know exactly how you are feeling.........it is devastating.  I also have stage 4 cancer myself now, so I am having to accept that I am not going to reach an old age.  Your Dad is still fairly young and I imagine that you thought you would have him for a lot more years, and life can feel so unfair at times, but what you must do now Jamal is to be strong, and make sure that your Dad's last days are as peaceful as possible and remember to tell him how much you love him........one of my biggest regrets is that I never told my dying Mother how much I loved her.  Don't leave anything un-said, and once again Jamal, so sorry you are having to go through this, Violet, xxx

Reply
  • Hello Jamal.  So sorry for what you and your Dad and your family are going through.  I lost my Mum to cancer when I was still quite young, so I know exactly how you are feeling.........it is devastating.  I also have stage 4 cancer myself now, so I am having to accept that I am not going to reach an old age.  Your Dad is still fairly young and I imagine that you thought you would have him for a lot more years, and life can feel so unfair at times, but what you must do now Jamal is to be strong, and make sure that your Dad's last days are as peaceful as possible and remember to tell him how much you love him........one of my biggest regrets is that I never told my dying Mother how much I loved her.  Don't leave anything un-said, and once again Jamal, so sorry you are having to go through this, Violet, xxx

Children
No Data