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How to deal with traumatic death of my dad

LB9876
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My dad was diagnosed in November 21 with stage 3 lung cancer, he sadly lost his fight after a traumatic death on May 9th, I can't get the images out of my head after having to perform CPR, it was like something out a horror movie, we think the clots on lung he developed burst or the tumor itself and now I struggle to sleep seeing these images

I know its only been almost 2 months but not sure if I should be speaking to someone I feel as if I can't grieve or let go due to what has happened, I was just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar

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    Hello and may I say how sorry I am for your loss.  I and many others on this forum know exactly how you feel, as we have also lost loved ones to cancer.  I lost my mum to this disease many years ago.  You are still in the very early stages of your grief, it has only been 2 months.  I suspect you are still in shock.  It will take you quite a while to process what has happened.  If you feel that you need some grief counselling, your GP can arrange this for you.  I have been told by folks that have had this type of counselling after suffering a bereavement that it really does help.  It can not bring your Dad back, but just being able to speak to someone about what you are going through might help you.  I wish I could tell you that there is a short cut on this journey, but unfortunately there isn't..........you will go through a whole range of emotions, but what I can tell you is that eventually you will come to a place of acceptance........you won't 'get over' the loss of your Father........the reality is that we never truly recover from losing those we love........but you will get through it and that terrible, awful pain you are feeling will ease.  Wishing you all the best, Violet, x

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    As Violet says, I'm very sorry you've had to go through this trauma and my condolences on your loss.

    I feel you should speak to your GP about your sleep difficulties and disturbing images that you are experiencing and the cause of this. Traumatic deaths such as the one you have experienced can cause psychological trauma which amounts to more than "normal" grief. There are more options available than just bereavement counselling and your GP will be best placed to advise. It is a good idea to get on a waiting list for treatment sooner rather than later (given they can be months). My advice is not to hold back in terms of asking for support especially given the difficulties you are having sleeping. 

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    Hello I'm sorry for your loss,yes the same thing happened to me with my dad, my boyfriend had to perform CPR and it was very traumatic as well it will get easier for you,it did take some time for me all I think is that he wasn't alone I was with him,it is a shock for you but just think you were with him and he knew that try to take comfort from that,think it was a bit different for me because 6 months after losing my dad I found out I had cancer so my focus was to fight it.Just give it some time you will find your strength with it all,think back to the nice moments you had with him x

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    So sorry for the loss of your Dad. My Mum died of Covid Pneumonia May 16th after being diagnosed with advanced incurable lung cancer in February this year. I also watched my Mum go through traumatic situations the last week she were in hospital, she died with me and my partner with her after the most awful 24 hours so I do absolutely understand your pain and those devastating images. We are in the very early stages of bereavement. I get ok moments and I get really bad times. I keep telling myself I have to just get through the day.

    I discussed this with my GP and they have given me the details for Cruse for counselling. My GP informed me they no longer need to refer patients to counselling, if I go onto Cruse website I can just ring the number to talk to someone or chat online. I have tried twice to speak to someone but kept on hold so long I gave up. I may try in the evenings as I think they are less busy. I don't really want to type online, I need to talk. Failing this I was given Marie Curie Support Line. A kind lady from Marie Curie called me this week (not sure where she obtained my number) and even suggested calling Silverline which I thought were for a certain age of people but she said anyone can call for a chat. 

    My partner was watching something on youtube last evening, I just caught the end of it, it was an interview with Mark Billingham (SAS guy) and he was talking about when his Dad died and then 4 weeks later his Mum died of lung cancer and how that gave him PTSD symptoms more than anything he had experienced with his career in SAS/Army. He went on to say some interesting points about grief and how no matter what pain we feel we have to just keep putting one foot in front the other, we have no choice, one thing is for certain we are all going to die and our time here is no dress rehearsal. However devastated we are we can't bring them back but we have the memories and have to try and make our life count even more. I just sat and cried. The reality is brutal isn't it? I can't believe I am not seeing her again in this life and I'm sure you feel the same with your Dad. It is quite simply the worse experience. The only thing I can say is that you are not alone in your feelings and emotions, so many of us here have been through similar and will understand you, we walk the same path. So if you need to rant, cry out...anything, come here and we will listen, reply, understand and support. We are always going to feel utter devastating sadness and heartbreak but I hope in time both you and I will also exerience happiness and joy because our parents would want that for us more than anything. Just right now we are in the midst of extreme bereavement and its so tough. Take care and keep in touch.

    Jane

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