Lost Mum to Pancreatic cancer, struggling with grief

We lost my beautiful 71 year old Mum 4 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. It was around 18 months after the initial diagnosis. We had the funeral yesterday where we did her proud. She was a lovely, kind lady, who was our rock. I'm not sure where the last 4 weeks have gone - in a blur of tears mainly. I did not realise how hard it would be to lose your Mum, even though we were pretty much prepared for it. We watched her struggle in the last day and that's one thing I can't get out of my head. I now have a longing for the past and can't see how I'll ever look forward to anything without Mum there. Does it get any better?

Thanks fior listening

  • Hello Phil.  So sorry you have lost your Mum.  I nursed my Mum when she was dying of cancer 25 years ago (I was still quite young when she died) and what I can tell you is this:  You don't 'get over' it, but somehow you learn to live with it.  That awful, raw pain eventually eases in to a sort of acceptance, and yes, you will enjoy life again, but when we lose our Mother, there is a void left in our hearts that can never be filled.  Basically, you will always miss her, but like I said, you learn to live wth it.  The mother-child bond is so strong that when our Mothers die, it is almost like a part of ourselves has died (and maybe it has), but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and it's kind of like the phoenix rising from the ashes.  Once again Phil, so sorry for your loss, and I truly do know how you are feeling, Violet, x

  • Hi Phil, I am sorry about your loss. A lot of us have gone through the same in recent times. 

    How I see it in my own situation is that mum is now at peace and she is free of this ***. horrid cancer.

    Does it get any better? Well, the worst has happened, when my mum went - I just thought she can't die twice - I also believe that she is still with us in spirit and before she left us, she saw her dad who left us 30 years ago so I am of the belief that I will see mum again.

    I am wishing you hope. strength and peace, your mum will want you to be happy and to live your life which is how she lived it I am sure, take care.

  • Thanks to both for the kind words xxx

  • I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. i have no advice but I'm thinking of you and your family and just know your mum is always by your side, when you need her! 
     

    i lost my 74yo granda, my best friend, my soul mate and who was pretty much my dad as my mum was a single parent and we lived with my grandparents 3 weeks ago.

     

    I feel as though the grief, for me, is getting worse. I had hoped that with time, although still so early on, that I would have better days. In the first days after we lost him I had my good hours, my bad hours and my good days or bad days, but now, I am constantly sad, I miss him so much. There is no good days. All this week I have cried from the minute I've woke up till I've gone to bed. I am so thankful for my two little girls as if it wasn't for them needing me to be present, I'm afraid I'd be much much worse than I am now. 

    I'm sorry this isn't a very positive reply, but I hope with time and strength from somewhere that somehow we can face the world again and smile but just know you are so not alone and I'm always here if you need to chat. 

  • Condolences to you.. 

    I lost my mum 5 years ago and I agree with previous comments.. 

    Wishing you peace, remember she's always with you. 

    I talk to her everyday. 

     

    But being honest I feel like an orphan, I always went to her advice etc so that's still so hard.

    Best wishes to you