Reading this as a parent knowing that my children are going through this too breaks my heart .  I have two girls age 18 and 21 they lost their dad 2 years ago he was the same age as your mum so young .  We are such a close and loving family , I totally get what you are saying if they were not this kind and loving person it may be a bit easier.  We are totally lost with out him but some how we managed to carry on.  Strength comes within,  I know that they would want the best for you and to find happiness and remember them at their best . She sounds like she gave you lots of love and memories those you will always cherish and never fade.  You must move on thinking about how she suffered as they would not want to remember them that way but to remember them how they were before almost like a mental block .We don't hardly talk much about my late husband their dad it's a real struggle also knowing we will get upset .  Do you have your dad around? If so did you talk to him about your mum? I feel so guilty not talking about him especially when it comes birthdays and Christmas but I know we always think about him in our own time and space .  It's good to talk on here you know you are not alone. 
Victoria x

So sorry to hear of your husband's passing, it's not only hard on your children but you lost a dear husband also. Over the years I have had to talk about my mum as it's helped me cope, but I have a sister who hasn't spoke about it and I think she has struggled deeper because of that.

It's very painful talking about a loved one but in the long run I think it helps process grief, even just a small memory that one person shares every now and then that you all laugh over can help. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply 

Wishing you the best 

Take care 

I lost my Dad around this time last year. We were very close and it has hit me really hard. It's like a cloud that appears at a point in time. If something good happens, the cloud appears, likewise if I'm going through a rough patch. I feel I've lost the shine of life since he's gone.

I have an overwhelming feeling of being alone right now, which is not rational when I pull my head out of it for a minute. I've got a wonderful partner, three beautiful children that love me and I adore them, yet this feeling appears. My heart aches.

I just miss him and would give anything to hug him once more. I always felt it would be hard when the day came, but I'm almost a year on and it still hurts the same as when he passed. I worry that I'll never be able to get over this and whether I'll be the same person I was before. It just sucks doesn't it. 

I lost my Dad around this time last year. We were very close and it has hit me really hard. It's like a cloud that appears at a point in time. If something good happens, the cloud appears, likewise if I'm going through a rough patch. I feel I've lost the shine of life since he's gone.

I have an overwhelming feeling of being alone right now, which is not rational when I pull my head out of it for a minute. I've got a wonderful partner, three beautiful children that love me and I adore them, yet this feeling appears. My heart aches.

I just miss him and would give anything to hug him once more. I always felt it would be hard when the day came, but I'm almost a year on and it still hurts the same as when he passed. I worry that I'll never be able to get over this and whether I'll be the same person I was before. It just sucks doesn't it.