Hello LHTi

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your Mum. It's never easy losing a loved one but to do so at a young age can be hard. 

You're right that writing down your thoughts and feelings can often help. Some people find it helpful to keep a journal or write letters to their loved ones as a way of helping them to process and understand their journey with grief. 

It can also help to talk to someone and I can see that you've mentioned counselling in your post. It's never too late to talk to someone about all that you've been through. You may find that they're able to help with tools and techniques to help you move forwards whilst still feeling that you're close to your Mum. One charity that offers grief counselling is Cruse and I'd encourage you to have a look at their website. 

Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating and can feel very lonely. Know that there's lots of support available if you reach out and you're welcome to post here on the forum at any point if it helps. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi LHTi,

When I saw the title of your post, I wanted to read your story and the fact that I was on this forum tells you that after my beautiful mum died in September 2018, it still hurts so much. I am so sorry for your loss, although I am older now than your dear mum was when she passed away, I don't think age's or time make any difference. I don't find it any easier but the rawness of it all becomes less , I've not been able to grasp the fact that I won't see mum again. 

My mum too died from a type of blood cancer and also had Azheimers, she was 82. It's not always a given but our mum's loved us unconditionally and I sometimes think if the position was reversed I would want my mum to enjoy her life and live every day to the full as life is so precious and short. I try and remember happier memories but I know what you mean, it's hard isn't it to forget the suffering. My mum was religious and believed in heaven, I try and visualise that when she died, there was an angel reaching out to take mum's hand so she wasn't scared, that sounds silly but it helps me to think of it that way.

The regrets are hard, in some ways the most difficult to come to terms with but I do believe that whatever those regrets, our mum's would understand and not want us to carry our sadness forever. I have some photo's of mum that I 'talk to' and tell her the things that I didn't say before, Please don't be so hard on yourself. I tried counselling but didn't really 'click' with the counsellor but I think it is a good idea, your GP should have some information on the different services available. I am thinking of trying it again.

You said sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times, a long time ago, I get that completely and I said to my husband recently that mum's life seemed so long ago almost as if she never existed, that sounds awful but I remember that I am half of my mum, we have the same laugh and some of the same mannerisms, she'll always be in my heart, the years passing won't take that away.

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn but your post had so many thoughts and feelings similar to what I feel. It's such a hard journey, I don't know what else to say. Take care x 

Reading this as a parent knowing that my children are going through this too breaks my heart .  I have two girls age 18 and 21 they lost their dad 2 years ago he was the same age as your mum so young .  We are such a close and loving family , I totally get what you are saying if they were not this kind and loving person it may be a bit easier.  We are totally lost with out him but some how we managed to carry on.  Strength comes within,  I know that they would want the best for you and to find happiness and remember them at their best . She sounds like she gave you lots of love and memories those you will always cherish and never fade.  You must move on thinking about how she suffered as they would not want to remember them that way but to remember them how they were before almost like a mental block .We don't hardly talk much about my late husband their dad it's a real struggle also knowing we will get upset .  Do you have your dad around? If so did you talk to him about your mum? I feel so guilty not talking about him especially when it comes birthdays and Christmas but I know we always think about him in our own time and space .  It's good to talk on here you know you are not alone. 
Victoria x

Hi ime so sorry you lost your mum its agony .i cant say i know how you feel because each of us deals with it in a diffrent way but can empathise with you. May i suggest you have a word with your gp because there is a type of grief that refuses to go away but there is help for that .some people hang on to the grief because they think if they let that go then they are letting go of there loved one's but there not at all in fact the opposite because there holding on to the pain and not remembering the lovely mums  .myself i rang the local hospice and spoke to there head councillor and explained .she arranged some counciling .it realy helped but it can be realy painful at first you have to stick at it over the weeks it just got slightly better its not a magic bullet but youve reached rock bottom and the only way is up now . Ive lost all my loved ones and my partner so ime not talking out of the top of my head . I still feel them with me because i don't think we do die i just think the energy that was them has left there bodys and gone somewhere better .where we will never know till we go ourselves or are ment to know  . I hope you will try it and it helps bless you .p . 

So sorry for your loss of your beautiful mum, I agree I struggle to grasp that I won't see my mum again. You're right in that any mum would want their son/daughter to be happy again and I know our mum's would want us to be happy but I think a deep grief like a loss of a mother changes you. 

I think counselling is always seen as the best thing but as you said sometimes it just doesn't quite click. 

Take care and wish you well x 

So sorry to hear of your husband's passing, it's not only hard on your children but you lost a dear husband also. Over the years I have had to talk about my mum as it's helped me cope, but I have a sister who hasn't spoke about it and I think she has struggled deeper because of that.

It's very painful talking about a loved one but in the long run I think it helps process grief, even just a small memory that one person shares every now and then that you all laugh over can help. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply 

Wishing you the best 

Take care 

I lost my Dad around this time last year. We were very close and it has hit me really hard. It's like a cloud that appears at a point in time. If something good happens, the cloud appears, likewise if I'm going through a rough patch. I feel I've lost the shine of life since he's gone.

I have an overwhelming feeling of being alone right now, which is not rational when I pull my head out of it for a minute. I've got a wonderful partner, three beautiful children that love me and I adore them, yet this feeling appears. My heart aches.

I just miss him and would give anything to hug him once more. I always felt it would be hard when the day came, but I'm almost a year on and it still hurts the same as when he passed. I worry that I'll never be able to get over this and whether I'll be the same person I was before. It just sucks doesn't it.