Hello Sunshine561

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your Mum earlier this year. How you've described feeling in your post is very natural and a part of the grieving process. Events such as Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries can bring up a whole range of feelings and thoughts, and whilst things are very fresh for you, others may speak without thinking. Whilst it's not necessarily done with any ill intent, it's natural that you feel you don't want to engage with others who don't understand. 

I hope that some of our members who are also facing Christmas without a loved one will post to share their experiences. You may also want to have a little look at this article on the Cruse website about coping with grief at Christmas. 

In the meantime, be kind to yourself Sunshine561. Take things a day at a time and allow yourself to do and feel what you need to over the coming weeks. 

Thinking of you at this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hiya sunshine sorry about your mum I lost my husband 1year ago ands it’s hard but do whatever gets you through john died November 11th 2020 first Xmas went in a blur we were married 44years but I have wonderful children but take of yourself take things day by day lv mossie x

Hello

I am also feeling the same.  Im 46 and lost my Mum in September so will be having my first Christmas without her.  Last year we were separated because of Covid but this is a whole new ballgame.

The build up to Christmas has been endless, emotional, overwhelming and a struggle.  I worry about how I'm going to handle it, although she did say to us that we need to carry on, we should do Christmas and be strong.  It's not that easy though, but I carry those words with me and will do my best to make her proud.

Im also learning that some friends have been distant and, while I feel a bit disappointed that they haven't really checked in to see how I'm doing, I guess that unless you've been through this you never really know what is the right or wrong thing to say.  Some people may not want to address your loss and don't mention it in fear of upsetting you.  I haven't reached out to them, I've not distanced myself from them, I'll just wait until they or I feel like making contact.  I find that those people who have been through this generally have handled it better with me and don't avoid the subject - I think that's a common thing though.

The best advice I've been given is to be kind to myself.  Don't put too much pressure on myself to be one way or another over Christmas.  Just go with it, remember our lost loved ones but try to remember happy times to try and help us through. 
 

Xxx