Hi Morkie22,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear about what your husband and yourself are going through at the moment - this sounds like an incredibly tough situation.

Hopefully once you both have a clearer picture of the situation and the next steps that are involved - some more concrete information to work with - this will help with his mood and outlook. It sounds like there's been a fair bit of confusion and uncertainty so far which I'm sure isn't helping.

If you'd like to explore some avenus for support for yourself (or your husband), do have a look at the resources provided by Macmillan and Maggie's. You also talk about about your husband mentioning taking his life. If this gets to a point where you're really concerned, please reach out to Samaritans on 116 123 (lines open 24hrs a day).

Of course we are always here for support on this forum too.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Sorry to hear about your husbands problems.I was diagnosed with prostate cancer,beginning of january.Mine was a Gleason score of 7(4 + 3 ).Luckily I am not a worrier,but when they start talking about catheters,effecting sex life,problems with back passage,i can understand why  it happens.I was offered surgery or hormone and radiotherapy.With surgery u are in hospital for 3 or 4 days after and then you rest for a week or two.I'm a carer for the wife and do all the housework and look after her so surgery was out,so I opted for hormone treatment & radiotherapy. You just take tablets for about 4 weeks,have a hormone injection for first couple of month,then at 3 months then start radiotherapy.It takes about 15 mins and its 5 days a week,Mon- Friday,for 2 to 4 weeks,it is better for me because i am not out from home for long. If it's the surgery that is bothering your hubby he could always go the hormone and radio therapy route,like me.You can get a booklet all about different treatment from the urology department at your local hospital or Google it.Tell your husband not to worry,I'm not struck on having any treatment really but you can't just leave it.Hope this advice helps.Look after each other and stay positive.All the best ,john

Hi Morkie22. Welcome to the forum.

I went through this process just over 10 years ago.  Mine was a Gleason 3+4, T2, PSA 5.6.  Very early stage. I was 56 at the time.

My surgery was delayed because my GP had difficulty getting my blood pressure under control, then the Da Vinci had a technical issue which meant it needed a deep clean. I finally got my surgery after a 4 month wait just before Xmas 2010. 

Like your hubby, the long wait made me terribly depressed and I contemplated refusing the surgery and letting the cancer take me.  But in the end I had the operation and I'm glad I did.  My PSA has dropped to less than 0.1 and I've not needed any further treatment.  The catheter was fine; just remember to put the overnight catheter bag in a bucket, because one night you'll get the taps wrong and pour p--s all over the carpet!  I coped with the incontinence and did my Pelvic Floor Exercises every day.  The incontinence was pretty much gone after 6 months, but I still do the exercises now and then.  There is some impotence but paradoxically my orgasms are so much better and longer lasting, so I'm not complaining!  The holes in my stomach have long healed up, and the scars have faded so that I can only find them with difficulty.

It just seems like a badly remembered dream now.  I'm alive now and I wouldn't be if I'd refused treatment. I have no regrets.

Robotic prostatectomies are carried out by teams of highly experienced surgeons at a limited number of hospitals. Each hospital has several teams, and each team does 2 or 3 a week every week so they are really really good at it.  This is where you'll get the best results. Your husband may never know the lead surgeon's name, but he will be in good (robotic) hands. The NHS doesn't allow its expensive Da Vinci robots to be operated by idiots.

In fact, I wasn't operated on by the surgeon I'd previously met.  He was seriously ill with a lung infection at the time (he recovered fully) so his list was taken over by another team.

Your husband's Gleason 7, PSA 4, T2c cancer has a 99.99% chance of being cured. That's as close to a dead cert as you can get with cancer. Being cured will have its ups and downs along the way, but it will be worth it. 

PS. I forgot to mention.  I was in hospital for one night only.  I went in at 7am, went into surgery at 11am.  Released at about 3pm the next day.  Slept on and off for the next two weeks, and had the catheter out 13 days after surgery. 

Thankyou JSspurs for your very supportive reply. I feel for you and hope everything works out for you. 

Hi I'm glad you're husband is going to have the operation I didn't get a chance,.when diagnosed my cancer had gone to lymph nodes spine ribs pelvis and a lung so operation a waste of time .

That was February 2016 ,I went straight on hormone therapy then chemotherapy permanent treatment just different options now and again.

My PSA was 1581gleason 8  ,T3B   N1. M1B . Like JSspurs I'm a carer for my wife , she has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's plus other problems I had to promise to look after her when she got old before she'd marry me because she's nearly 14 years older than me.that was over 49  years ago.

Remember life throws all sorts of things at us we just learn to fight and keep positive and keep going.

Best wishes to you both we know it effects Both patients and relatives.

Take care and keep safe and positive.

Billy.

I'm really sad to hear what your going through and that your your wife's carer too.  I've had multiple operations since we got married 22 years ago as I keep growing a strange form of tumour that looks malignant until they test it when it's removed and then shows benign. When they remove them I grow another and they grow quite fast. I've got one in my spine now which is being stabilised by treatment every 6 months.  So my hubby's been looking after me after surgery and doing shopping ect. Really strange though