Hi

Hope things are improving for you both and having had you daughter visit, will have helped.

Stay positve, all the best

Mark

HI, on the 14th of May 2019 my world came crashing down, we had gone to see the specialsed, by our GP because of a slight problem with hubby's kidney it turned out to be advanced kidney cancer, there was no cure he had pallitive removal of his kidney in June 2019, immunotheraphy only option regarding spots on his lungs to slow the spread down.

For the first months after he been diagnosed I was was frightened to go to sleep incase he was taken from me horrible time, glad to say with immunotherapy he is still with me,good days we make the most of them bad days we get through them.

Be kind to yourself

Hi 

Thank you for your reply I'm really sorry for your husband's diagnoses.

It's really hard to get your head round it feels like the world has stopped.

I'm like you in terrified incase I lose him 

My husband has advanced stomach cancer he has has 3 doses radiotherapy and 2 cycles of chemo he was due to start the 3rd cycle last Friday but they have put it off till this Friday.

The side effects from the second cycle have been brutal. 

I think the worse thing for us is the waiting for the ct scan results at end of the 3rd cycle I hope with all my heart that it's shrunk and all the pain and side effects have been worth it .

I'm not sure what immunotherapy is ? 

I feel like I'm in a nightmare it feels like all the plans we had are just fading away . All of our kids are grown up and settled so it was going to be time for us to do things holidays etc. 

I just keep trying to stay postive.

There's not many good days for us at moment but hopefully things will get better soon.

My husband cancer is inoperable too. So everything counts on the chemo doing it's job now .

Thankyou again for reply . You both take care x

Hello my love, i can remember this feeling very well,, everyone grieves differently their is no rule book or self help , we do it our own ways, my grieving also happend when he was still  alive, its very hard, because you want to be helping them and comforting them and their family, i felt like even tho i was the closest person to him being his wife , i had to make sure other family members were ok, even tho i slept next o my dying husband and woke next to him, hearing all his breathing i  still had to get up and be ok and grieve silently ,, i promise you, you will be ok love, not now but in the future   this is your very last thing as the closest person to your love one you can do for them, much respect for you love xxxxxx

Hi  

Thankyou for your reply. 

I'm so sorry for you and your husband.

It is so difficult I feel like I'm in a nightmare.Every morning the second I wake up I cry.

My husband sleeps in the spare room he's choice he feels me comfortable there. 

I do feel like I have lost the man I married it's heart breaking I'm trying to be strong for him and rest if family. I feel really lonely when he first got diagnosed everyone was in touch all the time now it feels like we on our own.

I know there's not much my family can do.

I'm so scared of what the future hold I don't even want to think what life would be like without him after 23 years together we have stuck together through really bad times my mental health diagnoses he was the only one at the beginning that understood. So it's my turn to pay him back for that.

I wish I could take it away from him if only aday. He's 3rd cycle has been presponed for the 2nd time he's just not well he's off the chemo now.

We thought he would have felt even abit better but he feels worse.

So we waiting for the scan to show what's going on we hope it's good news it will make all the pain worth it.

Thank you again for taking time to send me a reassuring message I know now that what I'm feeling is normal 

You take care 

Marie x

Hi 

I am sorry for the late reply

Its been awful past couple of weeks so Ian's 3rd cycle has been postponed twice now

He's just been far to poorly it's been nausea and being sick also dizziness.  They told him to stop the chemo tablets. He is on the 4th different antisickness tablets also they have give him a course of steroids then hopefully he will be fit for Friday.

I hope you are doing ok ?

I'm really sorry about your poor mam hope she's ok and you have been able to see her.

You both take care 

Hi Marie

Mum is home and doing much better, a change of medicines has helped.

My Neutraphils were finally good enough, so started 3rd cycle, Tuesday.

I hope things start to improve for Ian, it's so hard when you are hoping to get the cycle started and it feels like your body is working against you.

all the best to you both and hope things approve.

Mark

Hi Mark 

I'm pleased that your mam is ok 

Good luck for your 3rd cycle.

Ian hasn't been well even though he hasn't had chemo for over 2 weeks he is still been sick can't keep anything down.

Gp has changed he's antisickness meds a few times now.

Tonight they have fitted a driver hopefully this should stop the sickness. Hopefully he will be fit enough for this Friday booked in again for 3rd cycle depending on bloods Thursday.

It is awful seeing him like this it's hearbreaking I feel like everything has stopped for us .

It's a strange thing but I just keep seeing us the way our life was our kids growing up everything we have done our wedding the best day of my life .

He was a different man I know he's not but it's so difficult to see the man I married .

I'm really struggling so lonely I don't see my kids because of covid and shielding they don't really phone much they have they own stuff going on.

I am really gratefull that I can talk to you and Allison 

Thankyou take care x

Hi Marie

I'm sorry for the delay, I'm sorry to here your news, I really feel for Ian and you. My fourth cycle has not gone to well either, it has been the hardest, with all the side affects worse than before but I have now finished it and hvae to wait for a scan. I can imagine how you must be feeling, it was horrible both times when they said my bloods were not good enough to start my 3rd cycle. I hope things are getting better for you and Ian's strength is improving.

thinking of you both

Mark