Hey Busby,

Im sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. The turn around and how fast things can happen is absolutely awful! Cancer is such an unforgiving disease. 
I can relate to what your saying about grieving for someone who is still here. I too am having a really hard time coping with the news of a terminal diagnosis of a loved one. I have spoken to numerous people on this board who have been lovely and really understanding. I also found speaking to Macmillan has really helped me. You can be feeling grief before a passing, it's all part of the process. It's so hard and I really send you and your husband love. Know that what your feeling is normal and you are not alone x

Hi I'm so sorry about your husband dignoses. Thank you for your reply it's comforting to know I'm not alone and my feelings of advanced grieving is normal.I have been so ashamed to tell anyone how I am feeling. My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I feel different emotions from day to day sometimes hour to hour, which is very hard to cope with mentally as I suffer from bipolar and anxiety disorder.Thankyou again for your reply take care x

Hi Mark and Katherine  

Hope you both ok well as well as can be under the circumstances. 

It sounds like you have coped quite good with the chemo.

It's been really tough on Ian so he has has first 4 hour drip Friday last week he seemed ok on the Saturday tired but understandable. But by the Sunday he was ill felt sick he had a gagging feeling had hiccups bad also diorea. Just basically uncomfortable. I phoned the cancer nurse on the Monday she got intouch with the ongulist he recommended Ian had a ct scan asap he said it is very very unlikely but he wanted to check it hasn't spread to hes head.Getting told this was really worrying Ian was fine about it he knew their was nothing wrong with he's head. Also the ongulist told him to stop the chemo tablets. He went for ct scan still waiting on results but the cancer nurse said that the radiologist would have picked up anything serious straight away. It's taking so long for results because of Easter holidays.

So we are abit up in the air at the moment.We don't know when he will have to go back on tablets.

He's next cycle is booked for 23rd  April.

I feel abit anxious I feel like the tablets may have been working but now he's stopped taking them what's going on with he's stomach.

I suggested that Ian should have full ct scan to see what's going on hopefully that will be next week.

He's ongulist will be phoning him on the 7th so will have to see what he says.

I really thought by now the side effects may have subsidised and he would have built he's strength up for next cycle. 

He has lost a lot of weight he is eating but he can't eat regular amounts as he feels full straight away.

Ian didn't have the sensitivity to cold. Mostly the nausea for him.And that gagging I mentioned.

It was the gagging thing why the ongulist wanted a ct scan because it was a unusual side effect.

So basically it's a waiting game see what the next move is.

We did manage a walk along the pier at the beach which was nice the other day by the time we got back he was worn out but he enjoyed it.

I'm trying to look after myself but I feel guilty having me time I'm always on red alert in case Ian needs me.

I must admit I do feel very lonely at the moment.But will just have to get on with it.

I want to thankyou for taking the time to send me a message 

Hope you can keep intouch thankyou to you both take care Marie 

I'm so sorry I said Katherine instead of Allison so sorry 

Hi Marie

Sorry to here about Ian, I'm sure it's going to be ok they will look after him, it's good they got the CT scan quickly and the Nurse is right, it was the radiologist who immediadtely got me called to surgery after doing my scan that day, never weighted for full results, because of what he could see.

Stay strong and follow the Dr's advice.

all the best

Mark & Allison

Morning all

I can relate to so much of your conversations . My husband of 35 years tomorrow was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer aged 62 by ct scan on 1st Dec. Chemo was delayed as biopsies could not give a definite diagnosis but eventually adenocarcenoma cells were found when the biopsies were reviewed by another hospital. Until recently its been me and him due to covid he's not had an easy ride and second chemo delayed with nausea sickness diarrhoea and then infection which Ihad to ring for ambulance in middle of the night. He is now in the palliative care ward of our local hospital after being told his kidney function has been affected by either the infection  or  chemo or i think the gentamicin possibly and they were unable to find source of infection and he may have weeks if not days left. My grown up children are now supporting me My daughter lives abroad so has one day left of travel isolation  before she can see her dad. Visiting is limited due to covid but better than no visiting as was a little while ago. I too feel I am grieving for him while he's still with us anything starts the tears. I just wish I could turn the clock back. Thank you for reading my post it does help  Think the worst but always hope for the best.

Hi Mark

Hope you feeling ok 

Ian's ct head scan was clear thank God.

We spoke to he's ongulist yesterday he said he was happy for Ian to go ahead with next cycle if he was.

Ongulist wants to administer abit less chemo than before. He also wants to change he's antisickness meds.

So we hoping he may cope abit better than first cycle.

Ian just wants to get on with it now. I'm so proud of he's strength it's just typical of he's character he won't let anything beat him.

He's weight has stayed the same which is good. He has been trying eat little and often.

He seems to be sleeping ok.

So we ready for next cycle tomorrow.

How have things been for yourself ? 

Hi Marie

Im so pleased to here your news and hope this new cycle goes well for Ian. Not much to moan about, it has been harder than the first cycle but Im ok and looking forward to Tuesday, as I get a week without drugs.

Thanks for the update and we will be thinking of you both.

All the best

Mark & Allison

Hi Mark 

              Thankyou for your reply. Hope you feeling abit better.

Ian had he's first chemo on Friday long day for him 8 hours. He was ok when he got home apart from been very tired.

He has been ok no nausea hiccups abit but mostly it's the shaking this time. He has still got an appiete which is good. So we keeping our fingers crossed that he doesn't have bad side effects like last time as he's chemo drugs have been reduced.

He's weight is staying the same which is good.When he first got diagnosed he was 10 kgs lighter.

I hope you enjoy your free week from Tuesday. You both take care and thank You again for staying in touch  

Marie and Ian 

Hi Marie

I hope Ian's doing ok and the chemo is not causing him any undue problems.

So I got a good news, they told me that everying was going really well, so they were going to increase my meds by 20%. Somthing they said they probably wouldn't do, then told me, I was having 4 cycles over 3 month's and so I had been mistaken it was 3 cycles. That was ok, I looked at my letter and it does say 3 months, as you know so much information, you can get confused. The down side is it means, it will be end of June not mid May before I can see my mother. 

Then on Tuesday morning I heard my mum was in hospital, having had a heart attack, followed by a call a couple of hours later from the hospital, telling me my bloods weren't upto chemo, so not to attend Wednesday and I have to wait a week. So feeling a little delated but have to stay positive as they are the experts and will get my treatment right but another week before I can get out.

Anyway hopefully Ian has been ok on this cycle, which should be ending shortly and he has a good week off before the next.

all the best

Mark & Allison

Hi

Hope things are improving for you both and having had you daughter visit, will have helped.

Stay positve, all the best

Mark

Hi 

I am sorry for the late reply

Its been awful past couple of weeks so Ian's 3rd cycle has been postponed twice now

He's just been far to poorly it's been nausea and being sick also dizziness.  They told him to stop the chemo tablets. He is on the 4th different antisickness tablets also they have give him a course of steroids then hopefully he will be fit for Friday.

I hope you are doing ok ?

I'm really sorry about your poor mam hope she's ok and you have been able to see her.

You both take care 

Hi 

I am sorry for the late reply

Its been awful past couple of weeks so Ian's 3rd cycle has been postponed twice now

He's just been far to poorly it's been nausea and being sick also dizziness.  They told him to stop the chemo tablets. He is on the 4th different antisickness tablets also they have give him a course of steroids then hopefully he will be fit for Friday.

I hope you are doing ok ?

I'm really sorry about your poor mam hope she's ok and you have been able to see her.

You both take care 

Hi Marie

Mum is home and doing much better, a change of medicines has helped.

My Neutraphils were finally good enough, so started 3rd cycle, Tuesday.

I hope things start to improve for Ian, it's so hard when you are hoping to get the cycle started and it feels like your body is working against you.

all the best to you both and hope things approve.

Mark

Hi Mark 

I'm pleased that your mam is ok 

Good luck for your 3rd cycle.

Ian hasn't been well even though he hasn't had chemo for over 2 weeks he is still been sick can't keep anything down.

Gp has changed he's antisickness meds a few times now.

Tonight they have fitted a driver hopefully this should stop the sickness. Hopefully he will be fit enough for this Friday booked in again for 3rd cycle depending on bloods Thursday.

It is awful seeing him like this it's hearbreaking I feel like everything has stopped for us .

It's a strange thing but I just keep seeing us the way our life was our kids growing up everything we have done our wedding the best day of my life .

He was a different man I know he's not but it's so difficult to see the man I married .

I'm really struggling so lonely I don't see my kids because of covid and shielding they don't really phone much they have they own stuff going on.

I am really gratefull that I can talk to you and Allison 

Thankyou take care x

Hi Mark

How are things going for you ?

We still on the rollercoaster of getting Ian's sickness meds sorted 

He coudnt have the 3rd cycle he just wasn't strong enough

So the plan is now to get Ian built up and stronger before they can over him any other treatment 

It's really difficult because he had the sickness means he can't eat so then he's not getting stronger 

I'm so so worried 

Take care 

Marie x

Hi Marie

I'm sorry for the delay, I'm sorry to here your news, I really feel for Ian and you. My fourth cycle has not gone to well either, it has been the hardest, with all the side affects worse than before but I have now finished it and hvae to wait for a scan. I can imagine how you must be feeling, it was horrible both times when they said my bloods were not good enough to start my 3rd cycle. I hope things are getting better for you and Ian's strength is improving.

thinking of you both

Mark

Hi Mark 

I have some bad news Ian passed last Thursday 

I am devasted and heart broken there's no purpose to my life now 

I'm sorry that you are struggling with side effects 

I hope the scan shows good news  

Just please try to stay strong you need to keep eating and drinking  regular 

Take care 

Marie x

Hi Marie

Such sad news, I hope you can be with your family at this time, I have no words that will be of comfort to you, even knowing that Ian's pain has now stopped, is not really any good at this time.

My condolences and hope that in time your pain will ease. When we first spoke of your situation I said that was my worry, leaving my wife behind. We will be thinking of you 

Mark & Allison

Thank You Mark for your words of comfort 

I really want to thankyou for your support through our journey 

You stay strong and look after each other you will beat this 

Even though I won't be posting on here please keep in touch let me know how you getting on 

Take care 

Marie x

Marie

I've not been online for months and was on tonight and saw your sad sad news

Big hugs to you and your family    You supported Ian wonderfully til the end as far as I can read.  

Take care of yourself xxxx

Thank you so much for your condolences 

So kind of you to reply 

I hope you are doing ok 

Take care 

Marie xxx

Hi Marie

I still not sure what to say, I hope your family have been supportive and with the lock down restrictions gone, you are not alone. I thought I would let you know that things are looking good for me, which I find hard to tell you but talking to you helped and I thought you should know.

We are both thinking of you

Mark & Allison