Hi there ...

I'm so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... cancer can be crule ... but as someone on their cancer journey,  it can be the reason some seem to turn on loved ones who are trying to care for them .. but you don't have to take it from him and his family ... personally I think it's time they stepped up to help him ... I'd let him move out ...

There is no excuse for calling you the C word .. and doing it in front of his children is going to damage them if it keeps happening ... your children must be your first priority... you sound like  you need some T L C and a friendly ear ... there's only so much you can take ... maybe it's time you help your self now .. you sound like you've Dec gone the extra mile to help him ... 

So be kind to yourself ... if he starts calling you names try to walk away .. take the kids in their bedroom .. explain their dad is very ill... but please be kind to you before you fall appart ...sending you a vertual hug..Chrissie x

Hi Tigger 

I'm glad Chrissie replied to you shes very good with problems like you have a lot better than me      alot of people change when cancer comes to a family,all I can really say is let his family look after their own.          You look after yourself let them try to do all the jobs you usto do.if you are there and he starts swearing or anything you don't like just walk out and let him manage without you.

Take care of yourself remember.

Billy

Thank you for replying. It is cruel. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.  
Just feels like he wants me to suffer. But I'm not the cancer, I didn't cause it. 

My family said I just need to start putting myself and the kids first and take care of us. They said me being torn to pieces is no good when the kids need me. 
 

I go over and over in my head in all the ways I've put him first, buying new duvet that's thicker so he's warm after surgery, buying heated blankets, keeping the house tidy, dropping lunch to his work everyday so he eats well. Keeping the kids off school so they dont bring covid back before he had the last surgery and having to help them with school work again and a toddler in tow. 
 

To then be made out to be a monster it's just so unkind and upsetting. I know if I do put myself first at all I will be called selfish. I always am. 

Hi ...

Selfish your not ... I've got cancer and I'd tell every one of mine , if I get like that ever to walk away .. listen to your family .. look after your kids .. having cancer is not an excuse to abuse someone ...

I know how hard it was as my sister got angry with dementure .. we all could cope , just because it wasn't 24/7 ... we all shared the time and helped each other through ... the only one that can help you at the end of the day is you ... you do not deserve this .. but all the time you call your self selfish your adding to it ...

Get his family to help .. if it were my son , I'd be there all the time .. I'd be doing as much as possible ... coz us mum's should love unconditionally... but use this place to vent ... or feel angry ... but please don't think you ever deserved this ... please look after your self ... Chrissie x

It's ok I'm not calling myself selfish it's just I meant they always say I am. 
 

it's hard his mum isn't here anymore. She passed away a few years ago from a rare type of cancer. His other family are all miles away. The family member that came to stay will help I'm sure. But I won't be asking them, I've already had to block them so I can't see any nasty messages they send me. 
 

I'll be ok I've got to be for the children. I'm just scared about what's going to be thrown at me next. This has been one tough year. I've just got to keep in mind next year will be different. X 

Hi Tigger, I can relate somewhat to what you are having thrown at you, and didn't ever think I would hear a similar story to mine. 

All you have done so far has come from the right place, and it seems that like me, it will never be enough no matter what. I wonder if, like me, it seems the only 'enough' is if you can take the cancer away... If only.

You really do have to put the kids first, you really do have to look after your family. There is nothing selfish about caring for others too. X 

I do feel a lot of the time that everything's being deflected onto me, the anger etc but I'm not the cancer, I didn't cause it and I'm just as scared as everyone else. He's being awful to me but he's the best Dad the kids could ever wish for, he really is and I mean that with all my heart. 
 

He's moved out telling me all sorts but since he's gone he hasn't said anything nasty. I know what people will think but it was his choice to leave. 
 

I saw the cardiologist yesterday as I had a heart monitor on and he said the racing heart is anxiety and I need to take care of myself. He's suggested a beta blocker but I'm going to think about it for a few days. I know it will help with a bit of counselling. 

im so sorry you can relate to my situation, I had a read of your post. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Having the heartache, a young child and your dad to support is really tough when you are also going through it yourself. You can only do what you can do, you are doing amazing love, especially doing it all single handed. Don't take in his anger, he's just not directing it in the right direction. I guess that's the same here for me. You and I are taking the brunt of it. All I can think with anything is things change and will become easier eventually. If your dad needs help maybe he needs a carer to do some of the bits for him, you can't be doing it all. And you shouldn't be expected too either. If you need to talk, feel free to message me on here. I'll always listen. And it's good to talk and let it out. Sending you a virtual hug