My brother is wasting away

Hi first time on here it's heartbreaking to write. My brother was diagnosed with cancer on his tongue. He had a op to remove the affected area and lympth nodes taken out plus his teeth.  Had his tongue built up by skin graft. He was treated with radiotherapy . All was well he bounced back really well. Then October the cancer returned in the form of a tumour in his neck. He was was told they couldn't cure the cancer just hope to control it for as long as possible. He had chemo plus drugs. The tumour began to shrink, then they stopped chemo because of side effects. He lives on his own so agreed to go into a nursing home. He was there 2 weeks but hated it so went back home. His home, our parents home is a mess he has let it run down. He use to be a heavy drinker. He could be a difficult man when before this awful deicease hit him he's even worse now. Wont except my help wont have carers. He had DN in daily to change dressings. Even worse he is barely eating wont listen to any advice or except help. I'm at a loss of what to do. I work full time I can't afford to give ip work. If I did he probably wouldn't let me help anyway. Its awful to see this 6ft man waste away. I don't know what to do to help him. 

  • Has he accepted his prognosis? 

    My husband went into a depression after his second operation was abandoned, he didn't get out of bed for a week only to go to the toilet, he wouldn't eat and wouldn't speak to anyone including me. 

    By the end of that week I was at my wits end, stormed into the bedroom and told him that if he wanted to live as long as possible (his cancer is also incurable) then he needed to get up and eat. I had to get strong with him. 

    I asked him if he had accepted his prognosis and he said no. we still have down moments with him but he is now doing much better. 

    It's heartbreaking but if your brother has accepted what will be then there isn't much that anyone could do for him, in particular if he won't even accept carers in just to make him comfortable. 

    You could speak to macmillan and see if they can try and get through to him. 

    I am so sorry for you xxxx 

  • Hi 

    He has accepted  his prognosis if anything I think he has given up. He actually told me he wished he'd never started with therapy. They told him he will only have 6 months to live if the chemo doesn't work for him. I think this is playing on his mind. To make things worse they stopped his chemo because his liver was inflamed. Before this his tumour was shrinking and much less leakage. Now it appears to be growing again and leaking more. He's had 1 chemo session in 4 weels. He had a neck head and liver scan on Wednesday. I think he is thinking the worst outcome. He tells me he isn't depressed I'm just feeling down about the unknown. I work full time so cant spend as much time with him as I'd like. I feel so useless. Thank you for replying Aguera

  • Hi I've just rejoined this forum but I really feel for you as your situation.reminds me of mine , my daughter was always a difficult person to get on with before her cancer diagnosis because of past issues but to me it l feels likemy daughter is wasting away and suffering she's only 32 and has just reCently had a stemcell transplant to try to cure her 4 months ago but it hasn't worked and her blood and skin cancer has come back with a vengeance , my daughters in hospital now and she said she has just had enough of life I just try to encourage her that's all we can do as love ones watching someone we love suffer every day 

  • Hi Chrisbram, its hearbraking but as you said there isn't anything we can do except support them the best way we can wether they want our help or not..

  • Hi aguera, I'm sorry for you your husband can fight. I was diagnosed Feb 2016 prostate gone to lymph nodes, spine, ribs, pelvis and a lung. Been uncurable and on palliative care, gone to far to operate. I'm not giving in I'm fighting for every day, i made a promise to my wife that i would look after her when we got old (that was over 4 8 years ago) she's nearly 14 years older than me but she's been diagnosed with dementia so needs 24/7 care and I'm sticking to my promise, no matter what. Best wishes for you and your husband.....

    Billy