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Coping with Mum (not)

Angelm340
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Hi.

My Mum is losing her battle having been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer of the perideum which had already spread to her ovaries, lungs & abdomen. We are now in her final weeks & I've definitely stopped coping. 

She's currently at home which was her wish but now her carers are saying there isn't the space to look after her there. Mum won't let me move things round to comply with the carers demands especially now she has a syringe driver fitted. There's a massive part of me that wants her to go to the hospice so she has someone with her during the day / night as I'm terrified she will die alone.

She's very selective with what she tells the carers as well as me which makes it even more difficult. As she's got full mental capacity I can't go against her. 

I'm trying my best to make her happy as I can't be there all the time. I am a single Mum to two young children, full time career & live over an hours drive away. 

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    Hi angelM, i hate to say it but your going to have to put your mother in her place, tell her you love her but you can't manage try to get the carers there with you explain, hospice is the best place, she'll have 24 hour care anything goes wrong there's someone there, your going to wear yourself out and be ill yourself. Then what happens. Hope you can sort something out. Best wishes.......

    Billy 

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    Hi there... 

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment....

    Billy is spot on ... as much as your mum's trying to hold on to getting her way ... logically it isn't working ... and you will run your self into the ground ... you have two small children and live a fare way from her .. it sounds like she's making her carers life hard too ..

    If she was in a hospice she'd been looked after 24 / 7  and your have better visits too ... she may not want it but think once she's in there she'll see how wonderful those places are ... that's what I'd want .. it's for your mum's safety too ... she should have someone there at all times ... so think your gonna need to put "tough love"  in place ... you will all benifit ... 

    Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hi Chrissie

    Thanks tons for the reassurance, it's hard having no family to help me make decisions or tackle my Mum.

    I love her to bits but I'm sooo scared something will happen & there'll be no-one there with her.

    Virtual hug gratefully received

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Hi Billy, 

    Thanks for your message, I know she wants to maintain some sort of control over her end of life care but you're right, she needs to be in a hospice now. 

    I was there all day yesterday & apart from the district nurse who changed the syringe driver she saw no-one else. Her carers come first & last thing.

    It makes me feel better to know I'm not being unreasonable & trying to go in the right direction.

    Thanks loads xx

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    Hello Angelm

    Have  you tried Marie Curie or sometimes Hospices have a home care option?
    As someone with stage 4 cancer I think a hospice is where I would feel safer but it's something you can't be sure of until you are in that position.

    Hope you manage to find a solution.

    regards Eileen 

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