Hi there ...

Well if only we had a crystal ball ... it's so so sad, but it happens too often ... and not knowing it from his side or his family ... have you tried asking his mum what his feelings and reasons are .. as they seem to be connecting with him .. l can't understand why his family are also pushing you all away to ..

It's times like this when everyone should talk .. so at least you'll know why .. 

It just maybe those operations to his brain just could have damaged his rational thoughts .. he's had so many treatments and ops, no wonder he's changed ... l can't understand if he dislikes being around you all why he hasn't gone to live with his mum .. why keep comming back if he that unhappy ...

Unfortunately there doesn't seem any easy answer ... May be you have to stop trying, and let him move back ... you have to start being kind to you .. l dont see an easy solution .. there's a saying ... have the courage to change what you can change ... accept the things you cant ... and the wisdom to know the difference ...  

My sister is in late stage dementure... she was the strongest , sweetest big sis , l always looked up too .. we have a loveling wonderful family that visit her every day ...  but now shes angry with us all ... she  doesnt say hi now , she says f off all the time ...these last months have been heartbraking for us who adore her ... but ive had to pull back , like i advised you .. because she stayed angry , all the time at us / me being there ... the minute she looses the anger I'll be strait back ..

I want to sit by her .. look through albums of our life .. I want to hold her hand .. I want my old sis back again .. but that's not possible .. so by standing back, I'll let her be whoever she is at that moment in time .. because l love her so much .. if pulling back is helping her cope .. I'll do that ...

That is my way of coping ... sometimes standing back is the hardest thing to do .. but if you want everyone to be more at piece , start thinking of yourself as well as him ... there's no magic wand ... it's adapting to make the one effected and going through this journey ... to be accepting of things more then trying to change them ...  

Sending you all a vertual hug .... Chrissie x

My Dad was the same before he passed in November last year. He wasn't nasty but certainly withdrawn. Unfortunately, I think it's a coping mechanism: they still love you to bits, of course, but they are trying to find a way of making the inevitable a little bit easier. I'm sorry you are going through this too, I know how painful it is. I found therapy very helpful throughout the process and also just kept reminding myself that I could be there for him by simply spending time with him – even if it meant sitting next to him on the sofa, watching TV in silence. My only advice would be not to take it personally, as much as it's difficult not to. Remember your husband loves you and your children, this is just his way of trying to cope and potentially make it easier for him. XX

I know exactly how you feel! I'm in a similar position, my husband 52 had lung cancer in 2019, they removed it and all the nodes...we thought phew close call, then in Feb 2021 he was Diagnosed with brain tumors 2, 1 in his cerebral cortex...I've read lots, our girls 15 & 12 can't understand why their dad is being so nasty all the time, I'm trying to explain its the meds and obviously his feelings of anger, sadness, worry etc. We were told no radiation/chemo can be done due to the area but we found out surgery is possible although very risky and recovery being longer. I'm scared, but do get angry when he starts a fight or just gets on at the girls. I do hope and pray he can be with us for as long as possible. I work full time, his illness has taken over our lives and the girls have been robbed of their 'normal' childhood. I love my husband so much, 24yrs but he still refuses to open up. I just want him to share his feelings with me, but he will speak to his mum instead. WHY!? I feel as if he just wants us to hate him so we can make it easier, surely he doesn't want the girls to remember him like this...I'm also finding it harder this time around. Glad to hear that your husbands doing well, gives me hope. Thank you xx

Hi so sorry about your husband passing away I've only just noticed your string of years ago.   Our life is a bit different but simulator.  My darling wife was diagnosed with Altzimers and Parkinson's a couple of years ago so I retired to look after her.  Since then she has been diagnosed with white matter brain desease (where some of the brain slowly dies) and she's had a few TiA's (6mini strokes) and her personality changes, she can start as I've always known her (49years married) and just start cussing and throwing things about and trying to hit me with her hands and feet for weeks then she'll change again and be My darling Brenda she Will apologize and say she couldn't help it and be okay for weeks then she'll change again.

I know that its her medical condition causing it but it still hurts when she's nasty ,I promised to look after her before she'd marry me because she's nearly 14 years older than me, I was diagnosed with cancer in February 2016 classed as palative care but I'm sticking to My promise as long as I can keep going.  We have carer came in to wash or shower bren daily, but I'm her official carer 24/7 apart from when I have appointments or something else I have to do and a lovely neighbor comes round to be with her.as with you shes nice to other people so it hurts All the more.

I know how you felt when he was nasty., so please except my condolences even though it's late coming and hope that you can get your life in order after his passing.

Best wishes for the future.

Billy

Hi

So sorry to hear about your dad passing about , l lost my husband in July 2019. I still struggle coming to terms with loosing him , Covid has not made things at all easy for any of us. What you said is true , l know my husband loved  us and have accepted it wasn't him but the tumour that changed Marks personality . I also think he was protecting himself as well as us. I miss him everyday, as you must your dad. I still have theraphy ,  it has helped in lots of ways to be able to talk  about the journey we all went on. I try now to think about the goid memories and slowly the bad ones are disappearing. I know it was the tumour , and not Mark. 

Sending you lots of love . Take care. My apologies for not replying sooner  xx

Hi Billy

Thank you so much for your kind words . Its hard to explain to anyone unless you have lived in that situation how hard things really are. My heart breaks for you. I remember having lots of sleepless nights , crying myself to sleep , feeling guilty  for feeling sorry for myself whilst my husband was terminally ill. Its hard to get your head around it all when you are going through the motions of being subjected to so much hatred  

Know l can look back and see it from a different light , l know my husband loved us all , it was the tumour not him. The same as its your wife's illness. Life can be so hard and cruel at times, l often question it, why so much pain.  You are so brave  and a real credit to your wife , you clearly love her dearly. 

I hope you are also looking after yourself , you need to stay strong not just for you wife but for yourself too. 

It helps to talk and here if you need too. I still have theraphy  , it helped me to get my head round alit of things. Its a journey l would wish o  no one but please know deep down your wife loves you. 

Take care 

Marie 

Hi there   (AM SO SORRY TO READ YOUR HUSBAND PASSED) edited on

I am on the same predicament as you where 2 years ago,I do hope your husband spoke to someone or became him again in away,

late Oct 2022 my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma cancer and plasma cell leukemia un curable terminal and max of 18months,and his right kidney is on its last legs, Also on 7th Nov 2022 my husbands mum Diagnosed with outer lung cancer can not do any thing have she has 0-6moths, Asa ou can imagine TOTAL WTF WHY US ect ect... 

My husband has just finished stage 5 of a 9 stage chemotherapy treatment, this last few months have been so hard getting screemed at calling all kinds of names being spoken to nasty even all 4 children are getting it as well which I have told him it's unacceptable behaviour especially towards the kids. 

we started dating in 2015 and been married 3 years this month 04~03~2020 the last free weekend before we had our first covid19 lockdown. 

Thers 11 years between us but we just where the happyest people alive, now you wouldn't even think we where married nomatter how I help or want to help it's not right or good enough. 

It's gotten that bad now although I see my husband sat there I don't see or hear the man I love he's gone and I don't no how long for, he's ok with other people the bitterness and nasty Ness is directed at me. 

I feal like a 3 year marriage and a 8 year relationship has just been a waist and I know it hasn't but now with it getting verbally nasty I can't let myself be destroyed, we need to go to Maggies but he will not come with me and I can't force him and at the moment we can not go out apart  incase he decides to go out for another drive and come back in time for bedtime medication, he's un predictable, he's been sleeping on the couch for last 4-5 nights as when he's asleep he can hit me un willingly I told him just like I did last time ther was no problem with it last time This time OMG massive thing am lying everything I say is a lie and it's destroying me as a woman a wife and a human, don't get me wrong I give back as good as I get given am just tyered of it now an it's getting to the point of he can move back in with his mum and daughter But then that becomes wrong to put her dad's illness and behaviour towards her. think that's the caring side of me sorry I had to am in tears typing this so apologies for the wrong spelling mistake ect I can't see my keyboard,

sorry about my rambling I hope your husband is OK and has come back to you a little as the surgeons completed the jobs, how did you all cope, what did you all have to do ect I feel like am on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go xxxxxxxx much love xxxxxx