Hello Carer108; families can sometimes be strange things.  Is it possible that the answer lies somewhere in the past and there are perhaps things buried in the proverbial closet that are not shared with you?  Have you asked your wife about this - I am presuming the situation existed before she became ill ?  Please forgive me for even suggesting this if it is offensive to you.  And even if it is so I tend to think this is a time for putting family differences behind them.  But Chrissie is right - it is not for you to try to mend the situation.  Hard as it may be, you should take the lead from your wife as anger from your side of the family will almost certainly not help from the sound of things and remember that it will upset your wife even more if you try.  I am very sorry that you are having this rough time made even worse.  Annie

Hi sorry your having all this trouble .my heads a shed at the moment but crissie and anneliz are very wise women .speaking from a mans point of view i know your just trying to put things right sounds like your a realy careing guy and just want to make your wife happy but i whent through same all my life trying to put things right .you might find left alone it may .but ivI' learned sometimes you just cant much as we would like to only my oppinion so dont be offended just let that one ride and wait and see . i tried and made it worse so ive had some experiance with my kids falling out over a bereavment ile not go into detail unfortunatly thats how it is best wishs and hope it all settles down last thing you need on your plate right now .p

What Chriss says - let 'em go. You have enough without mending others' relationships. You've tried, that's all you could do.

She's right mate i did same thing  as you just cause more trouble but they may come round but realy you and your wife have enough on just  to keep her happy and comphy and look after yourself to and make shure your wife drinks plenty of fluids cancer makes your blood sticky so they have to be kept well hydrated have a read about it best wish p

Hi Carer2018.

Every year, my father used to drive 200 miles to where his mother lived, bring her back to his home (another 200 miles) where she'd stay for a couple of weeks, then he'd repeat the process to take her back to her home.  I sometimes went with him to act as a relief driver. 

However, my father always harboured a certain level of resentment to the other members of the family who lived close to my grandmother, because they never once offered to bring her to his house, or even meet him at a halfway point, even though they knew he was doing this journey (twice).

Of course, he never once asked anyone to do this - he just felt that they should be telepathically aware that he needed help and should offer anyway. And since their telepathic powers were sadly inadequate, there was always a simmering feeling of resentment towards them. They, of course, were blissfully unaware. 

Even when I pointed out that he was being unreasonable, and if he just asked they would no doubt be happy to lend a hand - he never did. His view was that he shouldn't need to ask - they should do this thing without asking. 

That's the problem with family. They never know what you need if you don't tell them. 

It seems to me the time to be resentful is when you ask (nicely) and they refuse for no good reason. 

Chrissie

Thank you for the encouragement and wisdom. I recognise that I am part of the problem when I mention her kids and I have decided to stop mentioning their names. i can see she is hurting because of their lack of compassion but I will have to let that go. I guess I need to make some time for myself and focus on my family too.

Thanks again and I hope you are coping well with your journey with cancer, whatever that may be.

Hi ...you just live in the day ... make every day a memory day ... even the hard ones can have a spark along the way ... always lots here to listen if you need to chat about anything or just to let off steam .. ive got my first anerversary of my op on friday ... still csnt believe ive made it .... so sending you both a vertual hug ... chrissie