hubby has been given about 12 months had bowel cancer that has spread to both of his lungs and now has spread to his abdomen. as a partner it us really hard to cope with
Hi Eeyore74, bereavement is one of the most painful things you can go through and, as many people on here say, there's no time limit for grief.
I'm so sorry to hear how tough things are for you right now. I wondered if you'd like to start a discussion in the section of our forum that deals with Coping with loss? You'll find many other people there who have lost a loved one, and who will be able to empathise intirely with what you're going through.
Loving and Grieving are such personal journies and seem to take many different timescales. I lost hubby two years ago (January 2015) and know I will always miss him. The early loss felt a very painful time and I could only cope by keeping very busy most of the time and having the support of a couple of very close friends and the mutual support of children/grandchildren. I shared my feelings on the forum (joined when hubby was on his cancer journey) and gained valuable insight into the fact that there does not appear to be a right or wrong way to feel and that it would take as long as necessary to take little steps forward. After about six months I began to take those mini steps and still feel I am doing that.
Hope you can find support through the forum as Moderator Helen has suggested. Just writing down how I felt seemed to bring a little release. Be kind to yourself. Jules
its awful isn't it... I'm going through similar and can't offer much advice I'm afraid other than cherish each day and only plan for the day ahead. My partner was fit and healthy and was diagnosed terminal with little signs or symptoms 3 weeks ago.... last week I was told we have days rather than weeks left so I haven't had time to process this at all.
My partner has been given yesterday a terminal Diagnosis and is to receive Palliative Beam Radiation within the next four weeks..
For three months we researched the Initernet , emailed the Oncology Department with our questions and on meeting the Oncology Consultant all our questions were answered. We faced the Diagnosis and Outcome together.
For me my aim is simple: "To Put my Partner first. To Hold and hug her with kind and gentle thoughts and loving words. To demonstate, Understanding Empathy and Compassion at all times for she must come first, her needs anticipated"
I have had major Bowel cancer Surgery and a reversal and now declared Cured.
Every moment, I give her a Hug , tell her I love her and thank her for all she has given over the thirty years we have been partners.
On returning home , we sat together, ate mixed Nuts, Ice Cream, Tomato Soup, Toast, Yoghurt and Mandarins. All mixed up without order. Watched TV Downton Abbey and telephoned family of 5 Children.
met with the neighbours, atemore nuts and forgot the pressing need to repair dangerous decking.
"Let it fall into the Stream"
We have each other and with Loving care we shall come through whatever the future holds.
One smile, loving words, a Hug and the Sunbeams left our hearts.
Having had Pancreatitis, Diabetes, Bowel Cancer, Spinal Surgery, venous Thrombosis and now we are facing a terminal Diagnosis, Expressing supportive and emotional love is what matters.
I have order a special surprise, a beautiful skirt by Louisa Spangoli from Milan which she has looked at!
My husband has kidney cancer and it's spread to his lungs and is now near his heart. He has months left, one minute I'm devastated the next I'm being practical, I'm all over the place and feel so alone.
It is sometime (2012) since I faced the devastating news that my husband had terminal cancer and it was a very hard place to find ourselves. I see that you have not received any response on this thread and it may be a good idea to start your own thread so that others may see it. I found this forum during my hubby's illness and it gave me some support hearing from others who had some understanding of what we were facing. Sadly lost my hubby in 2015 and life now is different and it took much strength to go day to day during his cancer journey but I learnt a lot about myself and found a way forward in that I could manage with support which I chose to ask for. Writing my feelings down on this forum and asking questions along the way were helpful as was the wonderful words that complete strangers were able to offer. I hope you both get all the support you need moving forward. Jules54
Hi, i lost mine a year ago, he was given 4 months at age 43 without chemo, and ended up lasting 11 months with. I think you start grieving as soon as you are told, i went straight on antidepressants which helped me stay calm, I'm still on them and don't think i could manage looking after my kids without...no magic cure for this though, i just had to be there with him, holding his hand through more and yet more bad news, telling him i love him, no words can express the loss you both feel, and unfortunately noone apart from others who have also lived it could understand. Luckily i found others on this site who were also living the nightmare with similar prognosis and they have become good friends, one i still private message daily. I would really recommend you start your own thread if you can, or look under one with terminal diagnosis to find someone in a similar situation for ongoing support, one thing that shocked me was how little genuine support and understanding i got from 'close' family and friends, i have now learnt not to expect much from them and made new friends who 'get it', your time and energy is going to be stretched, don't waste it on people who can't or don't want to help or understand, this is a time people should be supporting YOU, not the other way round but sadly didn't happen for me....please feel free to private message me, ive been there and sadly unlike most of your friends I DO know exactly how you feel!
