for the second day this past few days I am feeling so alone and so tired- my husband is now seeming poorly and distant - up until now although I have been through panic and shock and fear I have felt so blessed he has appeared like my husband and ok - but he now feels distant and also becoming ill with side effects form the drugs and I feel alone here- I don't know what to do? my daughter and son are making their own life and I don't really know who to talk to - I just want to go back to the old times come 7 weeks ago when we were blissfully unaware and happy- I am so sorry to be so negative and feel so guilty for this but I am struggling - and do not feel I will be able to experience true happiness again - we are when I not so selfishly emotional seizing time and having good times but to see him feel recent pain and discomfort is ripping me apart-  I am hoping that tomorrow brings a good day and I can support others on here rather than letting it all go like this - I need to be strong and I have done so well - but at times I feel so weak and desperate - I do hope that my husband feels able to attend the local cancer centre tomorrow for support for us both as at leads here we do not have to fall into roles of being the old Mr and Mrs Dc - for which I fear we have left behind. I hope not to have brought anyone reading this down and hope your day is going well - it does help to share even with others if only in this way - much love to you all