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emotionally drained today

traceyc
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for the second day this past few days I am feeling so alone and so tired- my husband is now seeming poorly and distant - up until now although I have been through panic and shock and fear I have felt so blessed he has appeared like my husband and ok - but he now feels distant and also becoming ill with side effects form the drugs and I feel alone here- I don't know what to do? my daughter and son are making their own life and I don't really know who to talk to - I just want to go back to the old times come 7 weeks ago when we were blissfully unaware and happy- I am so sorry to be so negative and feel so guilty for this but I am struggling - and do not feel I will be able to experience true happiness again - we are when I not so selfishly emotional seizing time and having good times but to see him feel recent pain and discomfort is ripping me apart-  I am hoping that tomorrow brings a good day and I can support others on here rather than letting it all go like this - I need to be strong and I have done so well - but at times I feel so weak and desperate - I do hope that my husband feels able to attend the local cancer centre tomorrow for support for us both as at leads here we do not have to fall into roles of being the old Mr and Mrs Dc - for which I fear we have left behind. I hope not to have brought anyone reading this down and hope your day is going well - it does help to share even with others if only in this way - much love to you all

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    Oh Tracey we all have days like this. I know it is so hard and everything seems like it will never be the same again. It is good to sound off and don't worry about the rest of us and our feelings. My husband is the same it is like being on a roller coaster all the time. We are in limbo waiting for the next appointment, scan etc. He has to take the pills he is on for 2 more cycles and then have a CT scan to see if the tumours have shrunk. That will be a nightmare going for that appointment.

    Look after yourself, you are strong but vulnerable at the moment. Can you get out for a coffee with a friend? I was out this morning with friends and it did me good. Take care and keep posting your feelings, it will help.

    love Chrissie x

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    I do sympathise, u need to take each day as it comes! I think the 1word rollercoaster sums it up doesnt it! It can b so lonely for us, the ones that need to b strong and supportive. I have my fears and things i want to ask and express. Hopefully tomoro will b a better day for you.i know its horrible seeing ur partner in pain, it is for me too. I dont know ur circimstances but hopefully it wont b forever try to remember that x
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    For those of us in a similar situation, I can sadly see other similarities. 

    Isolation is certainly one of my challenges.  Many people have offered empathy but it feels like very few, really understand how it feels. 

    He is still there and there is still a great deal of hope as this treatment may work and I am sure there are other options beyond this too.  

    If you are able to find a few happy or intimate moments, a shared joke for example, however fleeting, cling to this  This is how I carry on.  I hope you find a strategy for your own well being in this  

     

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    Oh Tracey don't ever apologise for letting your feelings out - this is why this site is here. We all understand what it feels like. I feel isolated even when surrounded by friends and family. we are in a cancer bubble. I too wish I could go back to pre-diagnosis days just so that I can be at peace again. Much love to you and vent whenever you need too xxx

  • Offline in reply to Chrissie05

    thanks Chrissie- i wish you and your husband well with the CT scan - i have managed a better day today - the posts helped xx

  • Offline in reply to Bexter

    Thanks Bexter- the day today was slighlty better and i hope tomorrow will be ever better- fingers crossed - hope yours is good too xxx

  • Offline in reply to BryonyO

    Bryony - you are right - i must be possitive and be strong for my husband - we are having a lovely evening and he is eating so i am happy - i hope your evening is good - much love Tracey xx

     

  • Offline in reply to SaraJo

    thanks SaraJo - your posts are so helpful always xx

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    Im also having a bad day. my mum was complaning about her pain so much and she looked so unhappy and uncomfortable. me and my dad felt helpess all we could do was ring the disctrict nurses and they take so long to come my mum hates it. I ended up getting back in to bed and telling my manager at work im not coming in. I dont know why i did that, sometimes thats just what i feel like doing. I guess we all have days like this, always going to be bad days. stay strong and stay well! hope your feeling better now. 

  • Offline in reply to sabrinax

    hi your day sounds hard - and i hope tomorrow is better for your parents and you - i am feeling better now - my husband is still not very well but getting there- thank you for responding x

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