Yes, it can be very interesting to read about. It's also quite sickening in a sense. I was reading about how the cancer inhabits the bones and how destructive it can be in the agressive cases. I had always thoughtall cancers were treated the same way with chemo and radiation, I was never one to want to read about cancer becasue it had always scared me. I'm from Canada, and I find that we live in a cancer where we fear even just saying or thinking about the word cancer. This can be a huge diservice becasue then we would find it much more difficult to learn about it. I always thought of cancer as something other people get, so when my dad was diagnosed I was in a state of disbelief and shock. I hope that makes sense, what i'm trying to say!

That's what I'm afraid of what may happen to my dad. My dad has always done things for himself, and he has always been quite active. I'm nervous that him not working could lead to depression and frustration. My dad doesn't have a whole lot of hobbies, though he does like to watch his sports! I'm thinking of finding some hobbies for the family to do together, but I'm also worried about the state my dad is in. I don't want him doing anything too strenous. Since he's my dad, I'm going to worry about him either way. 

I'm sorry to hear that your dad's cancer has grown on his liver and his lungs. How many times has your dad done chemo before? I'm sorry I'm not really sure how it works, though I have heard of people going through chemo. Did he get through the chemo okay before? I have heard it can have a lot of side effects? 

How have you been coping through all of this? We have to try to remember to take care of ourselves too. 

Hi LinseyPimms,

I am sorry to hear that your mom passed away. I offer my condolences. I know there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I hope you have some people you are able to talk to, and we are always here to chat as well. 

So sorry to hear of your sad news Linsey, absolutely devastated for you. Are people supporting you? I don't know what it feels like but I can almost imagine how hard it is and how lost you feel. I guess like most things it takes time, such a huge gap in your life now so it will be very hard. So sorry you're going through this, please come on here if and when you need to talk. Big hugs to you my lovely! 

I'm not too bad thanks, my dad's not well he's struggling most days...back to chemo next Monday. 

Xxx

Yes likewise I thought all cancers were more or less the same regarding treatment but I guess that goes to show how little I knew about cancer. Definitely more clued up now under the circumstances. I don't necessarily think cancer scared me I just think I was oblivious to it because nobody around me ever had it and it was always something other people got. Oh you're from Canada, I wonder if things are different where you are compared to where I am which is London! That's understandable to worry about your Dad, I think my dad's suffering from depression I guess it's hard not to when they are going through so much. Like your dad my dad doesn't have too many hobbies either although he enjoys gardening and is always fiddling about with tools etc making and fixing things. Can't really recommend hobbies as a fanily as it's not something I've ever thought about, but definitely sounds like a good idea and will be great spending proper time together too. 

It's ok, just one of those things unfortunately. We knew it was going to happen at some point. My dad started chemo May last year until the end of July he had one session every two weeks so in total probably 5 sessions last year. It stopped because he had an emergency operation recovery time was 6 weeks then when that time was up they decided not to put him back onto chemo because the cancer had stabilised meaning it hadn't moved. Then December it started growing again so January he went back onto chemo only had one session then had a stroke and hasn't been on chemo since. But will be going back onto it on Monday. They say third time lucky so we will see! By the way none of the chemo he has had has worked according to the hospital even though he's never really given it a proper go. There's a lot of side effects with chemo but everyone's different my Dad was very tired and immune system was extremely low. 

How am I? Well..I cope. Not sure how I do I guess I take each day as it comes, try to focus on good things rather than bad. I try to stay strong for my family such as my mum who struggles at times. I'd rather appreciate the time now where he's still well than waste it worrying about the future because nobody knows when in the future things will change. I suffer from depression too so that doesn't help much with my feelings. How about you how are you coping? How is your father? X 

Butterfly89,

I really hope that the chemo will work for your dad this time. Whenever I do something three times, it always tends to work the third time as well, so here's hoping this will be a success! I will be keeping you in my thoughts when Monday comes around. I hope you can keep us updated how your father is doing. I find that even though I don't know people personally on this site, it makes it a little easier when I'm able to talk about it to others. I hope you're able to find a little comfort that way. 

I've also had a difficult time coping. My dad was only diagnosed about a month ago, so I think it's still pretty raw. There's some times where I sort of forget how sick my dad is, or I'll feel a sense of disbelief, but then he'll have difficulty getting out of the chair and it hits me again. For example, we went shopping for groceries last week and he carried a bag from the car to the house, and he said he wouldn't be able to do that again because it had hurt his chest. (he has that fractured sternum) So my mom and i have been trying to do a lot of the heavy lifting, but he used to be so strong, so it's difficult seeing him like this. 

I've also been trying to take it a day at a time, and not try to think about the future too much. I also have depression with some anxiety, so I am trying to stay above that. i know how dark and low I can get, and I really don't want this to make me spiral downward. I find that talking to my friends about it helps me, and I try to stay a little social with friends. I had went out with some friends this weekend and it felt good to have quality time with them, and not have to think about my dad so much. I always feel guilty doing that though. 

Sorry about the long reply, i hope I'm not rambling. There's so much I need to get off my chest!

Thank you so much for your kind words. Well today's the day, he will be going to the hospital to have his treatment then he will be on tablet form for the next two weeks until he goes back to the hospital for chemo drip again then so on...this tablet form he will be taking is extremely lethal the nurses refuse to even touch the tablets. He won't be able to kiss my mum on the mouth now for at least the next 6 months which is how long this treatment will be at least for. This is because if his saliva mixes with my mum's then she could become extremely unwell and it's life threatening. The same again if he's sick my mum can't touch it at all and he's got to have his own cup, cutlery etc. His immune system will literally be stripped meaning he will catch anything and everything and even the slightest cold could lead to to pneumonia and kill him. So much to take in this time round. I saw my dad yesterday and I could see just by looking at his eyes he was getting a bit upset, I felt so sad yesterday seeing my dad and my mum's dreading it. 

Of course it's going to be raw for you for some time to come it never gets better but that raw feeling does wear off a bit or maybe you just learn to cope and manage it. I think for me it took a good 6 months to digest everything. I can understand how easy it is at times to just forget how ill your dad is as I forget at times with mine but then you're reminded all over again when they can't do something or become unwell. My dad's literally got no strength anymore so my partner and my brother have been doing bits for him to help him. It's so sad isn't it to see your dad deteoriate and struggle, heartbreaking! 

That's exactly what you should do just take each day as it comes it helps you to stay focused rather than worrying about what may or may not happen. Do you take any medication for your depression and anxiety? My doctors recently upped my dose from 50mg to 150mg of sertraline which I'm just about to start so I'm hoping this will help me a lot more. Sometimes there's only so much you can do yourself especially at times like this, just need a little helping hand. Glad you're able to speak to your friends about it, I did initially but as times gone on nobody rarely asks about my dad maybe once in a blue moon, I don't know if it's because they don't care, or they don't know what to say or are worried they'll upset me or if they think everything's fine at the moment so no need to ask... I have my best friend whose there constantly she's helped me so much in the past year. Sometimes you need time to yourself it's ok to forget, I know that guilty feeling all too well but I know it's ok and it's not selfish or unkind, it's helping yourself rather than sit at home constantly dwelling on everything. 

No need to apologise I ramble too lol and I've written a short essay for you to read now lol. Keep talking..no matter how much you say or what you say it's good to just write it down and let it go...

Wow that sounds pretty scary. So, is your dad still able to go out? I've known people who have had chemotherapy before, but not well enough to go and visit them. Friends who i had lost contact with, and some of my parent's friends. When do side effects normally show? Would he have side effects on his first day? How did it go? I hope he's okay on his first day going through it this time. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. 

Yes, I know what you mean. It can be very difficult to watch your dad deteriorate. My mom and I have to carry the heavy grocery bags now because my dad can't handle them. I always make sure to be extra careful around him. I know it will take me some time to get used to this new way of life. There's a part of me that doesn't want to accept it at all. I know i have to though because I want to be there for my dad as much as i can. 

I am taking medication for my anxiety and depression. I have been forgetting to take it as I've not been thinking about it, but I am getting back on track. I have to both help my dad stay as healthy as he can, and keep myself as healthy as i can. Sometimes it is difficult because I feel like nothing else really matters. I'll get back into a routine, it'll just take some time, but I'm making sure to take my medication, so I don't go down that hole. 

Again, I truly hope that your dad's first day on this new chemo went well, and I hope it works for him this time!

Yes he can still go out but this time round it seems more serious than when he was on chemo last year. So got to be so careful around him and he can't kiss my little 2 year old boy either as it could kill him so it will be hard. Erm...if I remember rightly the side effects didn't show until about 5 weeks after he'd started chemo last year, he never lost his hair though if anything it grew lol. But this time round it might be different as it's a completely different type he's taking. I think the main side effects he had was feeling constantly tired and weak, appetite was non existent because everything tasted funny to him, it also effected his skin and nails too. Thank you that's very kind of you! 

Yes it does take some getting use to but it becomes a routine soon enough that you adapt to. But your dad may gain his strength again like my dad did where he then became much more like his former self but that's when we forgot at times how ill he actually is because you couldn't see it, like a hidden illness.  Everyone's different, some accept things straight away, some it takes a bit of getting use to and others stay in denial. My brother was in denial for a few months, he kind of avoided my dad which in return made him appear insensitive like he didn't care but it was because he didn't know how to handle it. He'd not speak about it but when he did it was as if everything will be fine and there's nothing to worry about. But deep down I think he knew it wasn't, he'd drink to block the pain out and his girlfriend would often find him curled up into a ball crying. My brothers only 25! 

I was recently told off by my doctor because I hadn't requested for another load of tablets but with so much going on sometimes it's easy to forget and to put yourself last. But we do have to look after ourselves because we won't be any good to our families if we become ill or really depressed. Glad you're getting yourself back on track, I've just started to as well. Do you live with your parents? I live about a 10 minute drive away from mine. 

(So sorry for the late reply. I'm going to university in the fall, and have been looking at places to rent for the past few days!!) 

Again, I really hope that this chemo will work for your dad. Some of those things do sound pretty scary, but hopefully the payoff will be good. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! It can be quite daunting knowing the possible side effects, or the new normal, that we must live out to help the ones we love. I know this isn't anywhere near as serious, but I help my dad fill his weekly pill container. Just seeing all the vitamins and medication he needs to take now sort of smacks me in the face about his illness. How is your dad doing so far? I know it's only been a few days, but just wanted to check up!

My sister sounds like she is the same way, but she doesn't live in the same part of the country as my parents and I. She has been trying to keep herself distant from this since there isn't really anything she can do. I think it's much harder for my mom and I because we are living this every day, but I think it would be hard for my sister becasue she is not able to be here with us. I've also found that I've experienced a whole rollercoaster of feelings I didn't even know I could have. It's so deep and raw. I've been okay, but there will be times where I'll just cry or I'll feel so angry and cheated. But at the same time I have things to be thankful for. Atleast we get this time with our parents right? I sometimes feel that atleast I get this time with my dad and I can say the things I want to say to him. I hope that makes sense. 

I hope you are coping okay with everything and hope to hear from you soon. :)

Hi all, 

My name's Lena and I'm 17 years old. I'm not really sure if I count as a young adult but I definitely don't feel like a normal teenager. 

My dad has been unable to digest anything for the last two months and we found out last night he has bladder cancer that has spread to his bowel, pancreas, kidneys and just basically most of his digestive system. It's inoperable, he's too malnourished to have chemo so right now we're just looking at getting him to stage where he's able to eat. And then hopefully just palliative care and making him comfortable.

I'm the oldest of three siblings (13 & 4) and I have absolutely no clue how to get through the coming weeks/months let alone how I'm going to survive my dads death. 
 

If anybody has any recommendations/ideas for things to do with someone you don't have a lot of time left, please let me know. 
 

All my love and support to you guys going through this horrible experience. 

Lena x