Hi all, 

My name's Lena and I'm 17 years old. I'm not really sure if I count as a young adult but I definitely don't feel like a normal teenager. 

My dad has been unable to digest anything for the last two months and we found out last night he has bladder cancer that has spread to his bowel, pancreas, kidneys and just basically most of his digestive system. It's inoperable, he's too malnourished to have chemo so right now we're just looking at getting him to stage where he's able to eat. And then hopefully just palliative care and making him comfortable.

I'm the oldest of three siblings (13 & 4) and I have absolutely no clue how to get through the coming weeks/months let alone how I'm going to survive my dads death. 
 

If anybody has any recommendations/ideas for things to do with someone you don't have a lot of time left, please let me know. 
 

All my love and support to you guys going through this horrible experience. 

Lena x

Hi all, 

My name's Lena and I'm 17 years old. I'm not really sure if I count as a young adult but I definitely don't feel like a normal teenager. 

My dad has been unable to digest anything for the last two months and we found out last night he has bladder cancer that has spread to his bowel, pancreas, kidneys and just basically most of his digestive system. It's inoperable, he's too malnourished to have chemo so right now we're just looking at getting him to stage where he's able to eat. And then hopefully just palliative care and making him comfortable.

I'm the oldest of three siblings (13 & 4) and I have absolutely no clue how to get through the coming weeks/months let alone how I'm going to survive my dads death. 
 

If anybody has any recommendations/ideas for things to do with someone you don't have a lot of time left, please let me know. 
 

All my love and support to you guys going through this horrible experience. 

Lena x

Hi Lena,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I've just seen your post and wanted to say I'm very sorry to read about your dad. I'm glad you've found this forum and I hope it helps for some support and a safe space to talk to others who understand.

The thread you've posted on here is a bit of an old one, so if you don't get replies you can always post again under a new thread to hopefully get more replies.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi there ...

I'm so so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... esp hard at such a young age ... my niece and her family lost her partner and dad to her 5 young ones ... 

It amazes me of the strength young ones show ... yet they grieve , from what I learned from them, in a completely different way from adults .. bless ya, your stuck right in the middle ... but they need to be given gentle truth .. they get scared when they feel others are talking in low tones and not letting them in .. depending on their age, it really is gentle honesty ... not elaborating .. not details but a simple answer to questions ... 

When I thought my cancer was going to take me, and my 5 year old granddaughter asked if I was going to die .. I said ... well the Drs are going to TRY to help nanny ... but if I do die, I'll be a little star next to the bright one that's my mummys star ... and every night she can look up and see me... and know I'm looking down at her ... she was fine with that, as every time we saw a white feather we'd say it was sent from my mum's wings to let us know she loves us ... 

If you call Marie Currie... look on their home page ... they are there for people in your dad's possision and their families ... ask if there's someone you can chat to, and ask advice ... I've heard some amazing things from them ...

And keep in your heart, you will never truly loose your dad, as you are half of him .. you'll just keep him in your heart and carry him with you through life .. he will see through your eyes ...  your doing amazing for such a young one ... this is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through in life ... you need to let feelings out .. it's holding them in that does the damage .. but in balance .. if your siblings see you cry , or get upset, they will know it's o.k to show those feelings .. it's o.k to cry .. so hold on together .. look after them, but look after your heart too ...

Thinking of you all ... Chrissie x

Thank you so much for your kind words, this really helped a lot. 
I'll try calling Marie Curie. I hope you keep well and you are soon able to give your granddaughter lots of hugs when this pandemic is over.