Hi butterfly89, 

I am a female, 25 years old and my father was jsut diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. We just found out this news last week. As it's still new, I have had a hard time sorting out my feelings and right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger and sadness. Some days I'm okay, but there's always this dark cloak of sadness and fear hanging over me. I don't know what the future will bring, and I don't know what to do right now. I never thought I'd be this young and have to deal with my parents having a terminal illness or terminal cancer. It's heartbreaking. No words to describe how horrible this feeling is. My dad's cancer is in his bones and lymph nodes, and doctors have said there's nothing much they can do. 

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It's comforting to know I'm alone in my feelings (not sure if that's the right word), but it sucks that we're all stuck in these circumstances. It's too bad all our families have been touched with cancer. 

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone, as i know there's nothing I can really say to make you feel better. 

xoxo

Hello GiftThePresent, 

Thank you for your reply to my post. 

I'm ever so sorry you find yourself on here though and your father's recent diagnosis. Big hugs to you and the difficult time you're going through. The beginning is always very raw, I remember very well how I felt when I was first told...something I think will stay with me for the rest of my life because I've never known heartbreak or fear like it. I remember feeling so terrified and having so many questions in my head such as why us? Why my dad? Isn't there something out there that can cure him? Etc... but all you can do my lovely is take each day as it comes. It's very difficult and it's a long process but that's all you can do. You'll go through different emotions...upset, anger, frustration, numbness. Has your dad been offered any type of treatment such as chemotherapy? 

It doesn't get easier but you learn how you cope with it, 15 months it's been since my dad was diagnosed and as times gone on I feel stronger, I've learnt a lot to do with his cancer, we keep him positive and don't treat him any different which is something he wanted, just supporting him and spending time with him. Hardest part of it all is knowing behind closed doors he is very different and I know this because of what my mum tells me..I've caught my dad at times sit there in deep thought with tears in his eyes and this breaks me just wondering what the hell he's going through inside. The worst thing he said to me was Christmas Day, I took photos and videos of the family dancing and having a laugh and I played one of the videos back to my Dad when it was just him and I in the living room, we laughed and he turned to me and said 'make sure you keep that video, you might need it one day to remember me by.'  Sorry for rambling on...just thought I'd share that as I've hardly told anyone.

Yes I complebetely understand its not that it's nice knowing others are going through the same but it's comforting knowing you're not alone. Do you have much support around you? 

Please come on here and keep talking if you need to...as you can see from this post there's quite a handful of us going through the same thing. Xxx

Hi Butterfly89,

Thank you for your kind words. My dad's cancer is being controlled right now with hormone therapy. So he has to get an injection every three months for the rest of his life. The doctors have said these injections should keep him alive for three years. I believe we would move to chemotherapy after that point, but i'm not really sure. There is nothing that can really be done for my dad other than that. 

We had a scare yesterday because my dad was feeling chest pains, so we went to the hospital and were there until almost midnight. We were told that with the cancer being in his bones that his bones are much more fragile, and even a cough can fracture his bones. We found out that some of his ribs and his sternum are fractured, and that's what is causing him pain. His first injection of the hormone thrapy was on Friday, so we think that maybe this injection may be what is causing his bone pain. It's just hard to see him in pain, and not being able to do a whole lot. I have been doing all I can for him, but it can be very stressful and I forget that I have to take care of myself. 

I haven't been eating or sleeping properly, and taking care of myself has been put on the back burner. Nothing else really seems like it matters right now. 

As for you, I feel so deeply for you. I know how difficult it must be, I knwo we aren't in the same situation, but they are very similar. We have to try to stay strong and positive or our fathers. I do have a handful of people and friends that i've been talking to. I'm also going to visit my aunt this weekend, and just get out of the house. I hope that we can both find some kind of peace in our mind's, but i know this won't be easy for both of us. 

Hi, 

Sorry for a late reply my partner was in a car accident on Friday luckily he's OK and we will just need to get a new car. 

Don't know anything about hormone therapy injections, how do they work? Can he not be given chemotherapy any sooner? How is your father now regarding his chest pains? Is he back at home or currently in hospital? That's very scary to think even a cough could fracture his bones must be very painful when it does happen. I know what you mean it can be so easy to forget about yourself because your putting your time and effort into other things and worrying. But when you can then do just little things for yourself. 

My dad is at the hospital today receiving his latest CT scan results which will tell us what the cancers currently doing and if it's grown any since his last one which was 12 weeks ago. Awaiting a call to see how things are. I know their both worried it's not going to be good news but even if it's not it doesn't mean it's terrible news it could just mean a slight change. Staying positive doesn't come easy but sometimes it's all you can try and do through tough times. It's not all doom and gloom, since his diagnosis last year we've spent more time as a family and have become closer it's sad it had to be under these circumstances however I'm very grateful that we've come together and are supporting one another when it really matters. X

Hi Butterfly89, 

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that your partner is okay! No need to apologize!

Basically the hormaone injections keep the prostate cancer at bay, because from what I understand prostate cancer thrives on testosterone, so these shots will make my dad's body stop producing testosterone. So he wil basically have side effects like going through menopause (hot flashes, bone thinning, mood changes). Chemotherapy is usually given after the hormone therapy stops working, which is uaully 2-3 years after his first hormone injections. The cancer begins to find a way to survive without testosterone (or something). i'm not a doctor, so this is my own words of my understanding of it! The medication he is taking will slowly stop working. 

My dad is still feeling some pain in his chest, but he is feeling better. He mentioned it's more like a nagging pain now, before he was having trouble breathing without the pain. He has a fracture on his sternum that bothers him somewhat. He is now back at home, we didn't have to stay at the hospital. He is now having to get his sick benefits sorted as he will no longer be working, we didn't realize how fragile he was. he's always been a very hard worker, very strong and muscular. He works in construction, and had been working up until last week. I'm surprised he was able to work so long without getting hurt. 

Can you tell me how your dad's CT scan goes? i hope it shows that the cancer has not spread. I hope it can still be managed. It's so hard when we can't help or there's nothing that we can really do to help the ones we love. If you ever need to chat, I'm always here :)

Hi Butterfly89, 

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that your partner is okay! No need to apologize!

Basically the hormaone injections keep the prostate cancer at bay, because from what I understand prostate cancer thrives on testosterone, so these shots will make my dad's body stop producing testosterone. So he wil basically have side effects like going through menopause (hot flashes, bone thinning, mood changes). Chemotherapy is usually given after the hormone therapy stops working, which is uaully 2-3 years after his first hormone injections. The cancer begins to find a way to survive without testosterone (or something). i'm not a doctor, so this is my own words of my understanding of it! The medication he is taking will slowly stop working. 

My dad is still feeling some pain in his chest, but he is feeling better. He mentioned it's more like a nagging pain now, before he was having trouble breathing without the pain. He has a fracture on his sternum that bothers him somewhat. He is now back at home, we didn't have to stay at the hospital. He is now having to get his sick benefits sorted as he will no longer be working, we didn't realize how fragile he was. he's always been a very hard worker, very strong and muscular. He works in construction, and had been working up until last week. I'm surprised he was able to work so long without getting hurt. 

Can you tell me how your dad's CT scan goes? i hope it shows that the cancer has not spread. I hope it can still be managed. It's so hard when we can't help or there's nothing that we can really do to help the ones we love. If you ever need to chat, I'm always here :)

Oh wow that's so interesting to read how the cancer can thrive off of his testosterone, my mum mentioned the other day about how cancer needs DNA to grow. So sometimes they need to kill the DNA to stop the cancer from growing and multiplying. It's so involved isn't it but very interesting to read about. I hope your dads hormone injections go well for him. Glad he's back at home now and the pains eased somewhat for him. I know it's going to be hard for him to give up work but it will be the best thing for him as pushing himself could end up doing him harm. He sounds very strong and a hard worker to have been working only up until last week. 

Like your dad my Dad's been in the building trade his whole life up until 18 months ago when he had to give up working because it was becoming too much for him and he almost passed out twice which is very dangerous if you're up a ladder or dealing with heavy machinery. It's been tough for such an active person to give up literally everything and he's so frustrated a lot of the time that he doesn't have the energy any more to be able to do half the things he did before. 

My Dad's CT scan revealed that the cancer has significantly grown in the lungs and liver and treatment will be needed to start urgently. He will be going back onto chemo but it will be done differently this time round it's very hard to understand let alone explain. Luckily it's not spread however it's grown a lot in those organs. But he knew it probably had grown just from systems he'd been having like night sweats, tiredness etc. 

Thank you and like wise :-) 

How's Everyone getting on? 

Not heard from anyone else so was just wondering how everyone's coping? 

Hi Butterfly.

My Mum passed 11 days ago. We had the funeral yesterday. I somehow managed to make it through the day, probably down to my friends and 4 glasses of wine. To be honest, I don't know what to do now. I feel lost.

Hope you're okay

Linsey xxx

Yes, it can be very interesting to read about. It's also quite sickening in a sense. I was reading about how the cancer inhabits the bones and how destructive it can be in the agressive cases. I had always thoughtall cancers were treated the same way with chemo and radiation, I was never one to want to read about cancer becasue it had always scared me. I'm from Canada, and I find that we live in a cancer where we fear even just saying or thinking about the word cancer. This can be a huge diservice becasue then we would find it much more difficult to learn about it. I always thought of cancer as something other people get, so when my dad was diagnosed I was in a state of disbelief and shock. I hope that makes sense, what i'm trying to say!

That's what I'm afraid of what may happen to my dad. My dad has always done things for himself, and he has always been quite active. I'm nervous that him not working could lead to depression and frustration. My dad doesn't have a whole lot of hobbies, though he does like to watch his sports! I'm thinking of finding some hobbies for the family to do together, but I'm also worried about the state my dad is in. I don't want him doing anything too strenous. Since he's my dad, I'm going to worry about him either way. 

I'm sorry to hear that your dad's cancer has grown on his liver and his lungs. How many times has your dad done chemo before? I'm sorry I'm not really sure how it works, though I have heard of people going through chemo. Did he get through the chemo okay before? I have heard it can have a lot of side effects? 

How have you been coping through all of this? We have to try to remember to take care of ourselves too. 

Hi LinseyPimms,

I am sorry to hear that your mom passed away. I offer my condolences. I know there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I hope you have some people you are able to talk to, and we are always here to chat as well. 

So sorry to hear of your sad news Linsey, absolutely devastated for you. Are people supporting you? I don't know what it feels like but I can almost imagine how hard it is and how lost you feel. I guess like most things it takes time, such a huge gap in your life now so it will be very hard. So sorry you're going through this, please come on here if and when you need to talk. Big hugs to you my lovely! 

I'm not too bad thanks, my dad's not well he's struggling most days...back to chemo next Monday. 

Xxx

Yes likewise I thought all cancers were more or less the same regarding treatment but I guess that goes to show how little I knew about cancer. Definitely more clued up now under the circumstances. I don't necessarily think cancer scared me I just think I was oblivious to it because nobody around me ever had it and it was always something other people got. Oh you're from Canada, I wonder if things are different where you are compared to where I am which is London! That's understandable to worry about your Dad, I think my dad's suffering from depression I guess it's hard not to when they are going through so much. Like your dad my dad doesn't have too many hobbies either although he enjoys gardening and is always fiddling about with tools etc making and fixing things. Can't really recommend hobbies as a fanily as it's not something I've ever thought about, but definitely sounds like a good idea and will be great spending proper time together too. 

It's ok, just one of those things unfortunately. We knew it was going to happen at some point. My dad started chemo May last year until the end of July he had one session every two weeks so in total probably 5 sessions last year. It stopped because he had an emergency operation recovery time was 6 weeks then when that time was up they decided not to put him back onto chemo because the cancer had stabilised meaning it hadn't moved. Then December it started growing again so January he went back onto chemo only had one session then had a stroke and hasn't been on chemo since. But will be going back onto it on Monday. They say third time lucky so we will see! By the way none of the chemo he has had has worked according to the hospital even though he's never really given it a proper go. There's a lot of side effects with chemo but everyone's different my Dad was very tired and immune system was extremely low. 

How am I? Well..I cope. Not sure how I do I guess I take each day as it comes, try to focus on good things rather than bad. I try to stay strong for my family such as my mum who struggles at times. I'd rather appreciate the time now where he's still well than waste it worrying about the future because nobody knows when in the future things will change. I suffer from depression too so that doesn't help much with my feelings. How about you how are you coping? How is your father? X 

Butterfly89,

I really hope that the chemo will work for your dad this time. Whenever I do something three times, it always tends to work the third time as well, so here's hoping this will be a success! I will be keeping you in my thoughts when Monday comes around. I hope you can keep us updated how your father is doing. I find that even though I don't know people personally on this site, it makes it a little easier when I'm able to talk about it to others. I hope you're able to find a little comfort that way. 

I've also had a difficult time coping. My dad was only diagnosed about a month ago, so I think it's still pretty raw. There's some times where I sort of forget how sick my dad is, or I'll feel a sense of disbelief, but then he'll have difficulty getting out of the chair and it hits me again. For example, we went shopping for groceries last week and he carried a bag from the car to the house, and he said he wouldn't be able to do that again because it had hurt his chest. (he has that fractured sternum) So my mom and i have been trying to do a lot of the heavy lifting, but he used to be so strong, so it's difficult seeing him like this. 

I've also been trying to take it a day at a time, and not try to think about the future too much. I also have depression with some anxiety, so I am trying to stay above that. i know how dark and low I can get, and I really don't want this to make me spiral downward. I find that talking to my friends about it helps me, and I try to stay a little social with friends. I had went out with some friends this weekend and it felt good to have quality time with them, and not have to think about my dad so much. I always feel guilty doing that though. 

Sorry about the long reply, i hope I'm not rambling. There's so much I need to get off my chest!

Thank you so much for your kind words. Well today's the day, he will be going to the hospital to have his treatment then he will be on tablet form for the next two weeks until he goes back to the hospital for chemo drip again then so on...this tablet form he will be taking is extremely lethal the nurses refuse to even touch the tablets. He won't be able to kiss my mum on the mouth now for at least the next 6 months which is how long this treatment will be at least for. This is because if his saliva mixes with my mum's then she could become extremely unwell and it's life threatening. The same again if he's sick my mum can't touch it at all and he's got to have his own cup, cutlery etc. His immune system will literally be stripped meaning he will catch anything and everything and even the slightest cold could lead to to pneumonia and kill him. So much to take in this time round. I saw my dad yesterday and I could see just by looking at his eyes he was getting a bit upset, I felt so sad yesterday seeing my dad and my mum's dreading it. 

Of course it's going to be raw for you for some time to come it never gets better but that raw feeling does wear off a bit or maybe you just learn to cope and manage it. I think for me it took a good 6 months to digest everything. I can understand how easy it is at times to just forget how ill your dad is as I forget at times with mine but then you're reminded all over again when they can't do something or become unwell. My dad's literally got no strength anymore so my partner and my brother have been doing bits for him to help him. It's so sad isn't it to see your dad deteoriate and struggle, heartbreaking! 

That's exactly what you should do just take each day as it comes it helps you to stay focused rather than worrying about what may or may not happen. Do you take any medication for your depression and anxiety? My doctors recently upped my dose from 50mg to 150mg of sertraline which I'm just about to start so I'm hoping this will help me a lot more. Sometimes there's only so much you can do yourself especially at times like this, just need a little helping hand. Glad you're able to speak to your friends about it, I did initially but as times gone on nobody rarely asks about my dad maybe once in a blue moon, I don't know if it's because they don't care, or they don't know what to say or are worried they'll upset me or if they think everything's fine at the moment so no need to ask... I have my best friend whose there constantly she's helped me so much in the past year. Sometimes you need time to yourself it's ok to forget, I know that guilty feeling all too well but I know it's ok and it's not selfish or unkind, it's helping yourself rather than sit at home constantly dwelling on everything. 

No need to apologise I ramble too lol and I've written a short essay for you to read now lol. Keep talking..no matter how much you say or what you say it's good to just write it down and let it go...

Wow that sounds pretty scary. So, is your dad still able to go out? I've known people who have had chemotherapy before, but not well enough to go and visit them. Friends who i had lost contact with, and some of my parent's friends. When do side effects normally show? Would he have side effects on his first day? How did it go? I hope he's okay on his first day going through it this time. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. 

Yes, I know what you mean. It can be very difficult to watch your dad deteriorate. My mom and I have to carry the heavy grocery bags now because my dad can't handle them. I always make sure to be extra careful around him. I know it will take me some time to get used to this new way of life. There's a part of me that doesn't want to accept it at all. I know i have to though because I want to be there for my dad as much as i can. 

I am taking medication for my anxiety and depression. I have been forgetting to take it as I've not been thinking about it, but I am getting back on track. I have to both help my dad stay as healthy as he can, and keep myself as healthy as i can. Sometimes it is difficult because I feel like nothing else really matters. I'll get back into a routine, it'll just take some time, but I'm making sure to take my medication, so I don't go down that hole. 

Again, I truly hope that your dad's first day on this new chemo went well, and I hope it works for him this time!