Hello.

I'm 29 and I care for my Mum full-time. She has breast cancer that spread to her lung, kidney and brain. 

I am finding it incredibly tough, especially now that I'm "Mum" in the house. Between looking after Mum, housework, alone time and spending time with my Fiancee, I'm struggling. I'm constantly tired, as I live on around 6-7hrs of sleep a night. I constantly find myself wanting to spend my days on the couch watching TV alone. This is making me feel guilty because Mum is starting to feel lonely. My fiancee, who suffers from depression, is also starting to feel neglected. Over the last couple of months, I did an entire clear out of the house, which has wiped all of my energy and now I just can't be bothered doing anything. Right now I'm putting off getting up off the couch and doing the big pile of dishes that I have let build up for the last few days.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. Most of the time, when I'm around people, I don't want to talk about this. I have to live with it everyday and want the chance to talk about other things. Maybe I don't like the questions from people who don't understand what I'm going through?

Anyway, I'm going to try and force myself off the couch now to get those dishes done. I would like the chance to talk to other though about everything.

Looking forward to a chat :) 

Linsey xxx

Hello Linsey, 

Thank you for your reply.

So sorry you find yourself on here and that your dear mum is suffering from cancer. I hope you find some comfort and support on here and you're welcome to chat with me any time you like. 

I can completely understand how hard it must be to try and balance everything on your own with caring for your mum and still doing things for yourself so that you have a life. Is there any other friends or family who are able to step in just to give you a little break at times? There is only so much you're able to do, as well as try to look after yourself. I really do hope you have support around you and somebody is able to lend a helping hand. I'm sure leaving the dishes isn't going to hurt, sometimes little things can be left if it means you get some rest or time to yourself. 

I can relate, it can be tough to talking to others who don't understand they try to but it's nowhere near the same as experiencing this first hand. I really do hope you can open up to us on here, I'm a good listener for a start and am happy to offer help and support. Just remember you're not alone my lovely.

Xxx

Hi Butterfly,

Well I did a majority of the dishes last night. It took over four hours! that's how many there were. We were out of forks, and we own a lot of forks so that's saying something... :) It does feel better when they're done though.

My family is very small. My Gran, who lives a couple of minutes away, helps whenever she can. She takes Mum shopping, as Mum can't drive anymore. Unfortunately, Gran is going in for a knee operation tomorrow and won't be able to drive for around 6 weeks. My Auntie (Mum's sister), lives 10mins away, but she works a lot (paramedic). I have a Great Auntie (Mum's auntie) and a second cousin who live an hour away, and another cousin in Australia. I am however, very fortunate to have my fiancee's Mum. She's very supportive and helpful. I don't think I could have made it this far without her. She takes my fiancee and I shopping and comes over to offer help with housework, as well as offering financial help when needed. She even drove Mum to radiotherapy once. The only downside is she's a nurse who works, when she should be retired, which takes up a few days of the week and makes her constantly tired. Although I now know how it feels to be tired all the time... You think I do too much? That woman works, cleans her house, walks her dog three times a day and has raised two boys, one of which still lives at home. Add on top of that the once a week taxi-ing she does for us. Talk about Superwoman!

I'm going to make sure I come here once a day to talk to others who understand. I'll probably find it very helpful. Thank you very much for the support, I really feel like I need it.

Linsey xxx

Hi again, 

Sorry not replied been a hectic week. 

4 hours for dishes wow! Can see why you needed to crack on with it! That's great you can rely on your fiancées mum to help and offer support, I bet that is really helpful at times. Wow she does do a lot doesn't she, it's surprising how much some people can take on by themselves! How has your week been? 

My dad's not well he's lost over a stone in the past month, keeps soaking the bed with sweat every night, not eating either. Get his results from CT scan in a weeks time..he's worried it's his liver. Xx

Hello.

Sorry to hear about your Dad, fingers crossed that things improve.

My Mum has lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months because she wasn't eating. Scary to watch the weight drop off in such a short space of time.

On Friday she was put into a hospice to keep an eye on her pain and medication. She's in constant pain. She's not very mobile at the moment as she's very weak and sore. We're not very well equipped to deal with her lack of mobility right now. We're getting a stair lift, hospital bed, commode and rails outside of the front and back doors. Once these are all installed, then she should be able to come home.

I went to visit her today and she was very confused and agitated. She also has a chest infection. I'm not going to lie, when I first got there, I had to go to another room and have a cry. After that I was more annoyed than upset, because she kept trying to get out of bed to go to the toilet and she has a catheter as she is too weak to get to the toilet. She was told multiple times that should couldn't go but she was very stubborn and persistant. I could see she was frustrated and it was making me frustrated also. I'm taking tomorrow off so I can do some small sewing projects, but I'll visit her again on Tuesday.

Linsey xxx

Hi again, 

Thank you, we will know more on Monday regarding my Dad's situation until then it's a worrying time. 

Definitely, it's always a worry when they lose weight so quickly because you know it's not normal and it's like you're watching them deteoriate. 

How's your mum doing in the hospice? I do hope she's getting enough pain relief and is feeling more comfortable and can return home soon when everything's been arranged and set up for her. I can understand how upsetting it must of been for you to see her when you went to visit her, if of no doubt have been the same. How are the nurses at the hospice? It must be so frustrating for your mum she still wants to be able to do normal every day things must be so hard. 

Xx

Hi again, 

Thank you, we will know more on Monday regarding my Dad's situation until then it's a worrying time. 

Definitely, it's always a worry when they lose weight so quickly because you know it's not normal and it's like you're watching them deteoriate. 

How's your mum doing in the hospice? I do hope she's getting enough pain relief and is feeling more comfortable and can return home soon when everything's been arranged and set up for her. I can understand how upsetting it must of been for you to see her when you went to visit her, if of no doubt have been the same. How are the nurses at the hospice? It must be so frustrating for your mum she still wants to be able to do normal every day things must be so hard. 

Xx

Hi.

I'm sad to have to say that Mum's health has deteriorated since Monday and unfortuanately there is nothing that can be done. We're basically just waiting for the worse case scenario to happen.

Linsey xxx

I'm so sorry to hear this Linsey, no words will ever be enough. I will pray for you and your mum. I hope you've got support around you at this sad time. 

Big big hugs to you, lost for words I'm so sorry xxx